Why won't people just admit it?

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In college I was pursued by a woman I did not feel attracted to at all. I thought to myself that since I am always upset that I can't get a girlfriend, I should be open to giving this woman a try. Pretty much the same thing suggested by the OP. So, what happened next? I was love bombed at first. But as soon as I was settled in the devaluing phase began.

After we were in a minor car accident, she told me someone on the scene claimed I lied to the police about my age and demanded a background check. She claimed her cousin recognized me from high school and said I had did doing drugs; despite the fact we did not even go to high school in the same country. I was socially isolated and gaslighted. She slowly isolated me, making up reasons why I should stop associating with all of my friends; until my entire social circle consisted of her small group of friends and stopped socializing with anyone else. She frequently used threats of leaving me unless I appeased her every whim. And I was slowly conditioned until I was afraid of going anywhere or buying anything without her approval.

After two years of this abuse, she broke with me over the phone when I was going through one of the most difficult times of my life. I graduated college in the middle of a recession and was struggling to find employment. She called me a loser and compared me to deadbeats and drug addicts. Then she and her flying monkeys went around spreading lies about me abusing her and cheating on her. Following these events, I was involuntarily held in an inpatient facility after attempting suicide.

But the OP would still like you to believe that I'm just being a snotty brat for not wanting to settle.

Now THAT is true "relationship imprisonment"! !!

How awful...

I am working on helping to reverse this by getting married and having children!! !

Something is DEFINITELY going on if so many people are saying "NO!" to marriage and a family!

Staying in a very abusive relationship is NOT about settling. This should be a common sense standard. However refusing to consider a relationship because you don't immediately feel attracted to someone despite being very lonely could be considered refusing to settle.

The point is that I was never attracted to my abusive ex and would have avoiding a metric ton of long-term damage if I hadn't made the decision to settle for her.

What you are saying is that, because I was born with a disability through neither fault not choice of my own, I should settle for a woman I'm not attracted to and be happy about it. Essentially, I should be content with less because I am lesser.

On the few rare instances when a woman expressed interest in me in the past, it was always the red flags that turned me off. I had a coworker who I'd already known for a few years, and who was still seeing someone at the time, try to flirt with me while I was doing me work. I complained to the supervisor that she was distracting me and causing me to make errors. After that, she refused to speak with me at all. A lady in college was trying to my attention, but I was turned off by her smoking. When I found her on FB a few years later, she was posting anti-vax conspiracy theories. I clearly dodged bullets in both instances.

And just to make this clear: what I mean by attraction isn't that she has to look like a supermodel. It is a matter of having shared interest and being intellectually stimulating combined with a reasonable standard of physical attraction. That said, it does not take too much for me to find a woman physically attractive as long as she is my type. Finding someone intellectually interesting is actually the bigger challenge. Because I am autistic, I'm generally drawn to other neurodiverse people with above average intelligence and interesting quirks.
 
Additionally, even when I have developed attraction to women I was not drawn to initially; they still had no romantic or sexual interest in me. So what does this have to do with anything anyway?

Edit

I forgot to mention that I am not interested in dating religious people. And because I'm trapped in the freaking Bible Belt, my prospects aren't good.

I'm unaware of anyone having ever had interest in me.

It's not dishonest to say that no one wants me.

It's too late to get married and have children at my age. I can't be trying to keep up with an 8 year old in my 50s. L

^it's NEVER too late to get married!! !

Having children has a time limit because of the woman's so-called "biological clock" but you always have the option to adopt or foster children @Nightwing82!

Yeah, but the situation I don't want to be in trying to keep up with an adolescent in my 50s. That wouldn't be fair to them.

Besides, men may not have a biological clock, but I'm not to marry some half my age. Also, there a higher risk of genetic diseases occurring when either parent is in their 40s or older. So there are multiple reasons why it's a bad idea.

I don't mean to be graphic; but I forgot to mention that certain things no longer work at my age.

You can't say that. Because if someone that didn't fit into your ideal preference was interested in you, you would turn them down. And it's ok to say that you would. That's the whole point of my post.

That's not true. While your situation was unfortunate, something like that could still have happened with someone you considered an ideal partner. But nevertheless, what she did to you was wrong. It seemed more so her picking you as prey rather than you settling. Abusive people seek out those they know they can take advantage of.

Last edited by Coilette_91 on 17 Jul 2025, 12:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Your first response is fair. But I'll use your added message to make my point clearer. You say you aren't interested in religious people. Let's say you meet a woman, you both have a lot in common you guys click etc. She has expressed interest in you, but she also says she's religious. You would more than likely turn her down. Even if she was a good person and someone you could get along with, that's still not someone you see yourself with. And that's ok. That's all I'm saying. Just express it instead of saying no one is interested.

And I'm that person who was easily taken advantage of. Lucky me!

Predators always target the weak, while women are attracted to strength. That is why no other woman has ever been interested in me.

One would think it obvious that an abuser is never an ideal partner.

I see you didn't say anything about my other post quoting you. I'm starting to see where this is going in that regard, so I'll just leave it at that.

I apologize if the way I worded that was wrong. I was trying to point out her being completely in the wrong. If anything, that made her weak to think she could bring someone else down rather than trying to improve herself.

I can't speak for all women, but physical strength has never been a big importance to me, amongst other things that most women seem to find attractive. I'm at a point and age in my life where things like that don't matter anymore. When you get past the superficial, you get to see to qualities in people that make them more attractive. But I'm a religious woman, so my input probably won't make much of a difference anyways. :/