Why won't people just admit it?

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I maybe misunderstanding your exact point, Or perhaps ,I have just different experiences . ((Maybe I have been just lucky in my partners))..I had dated alot in my day . but your writing seems to indicate that your experiences seem to be those of what I might expect from trying to interact with NTs .on the basis you are ? ( no offence intended to NTs) .
After having known / dated a few ND males types , etc. Would not even try to interact with a NT male/ etc. on a personal basis ever again. (just my humble opinion.). Maybe am just older now.

Sometimes I find with some (not all) autistic guys who are absolutely obsessed with wanting a girlfriend but can't get one, are probably least likely to know what to do if they did get a girlfriend, even if the girlfriend was ND. It's as if it's more of a status thing than actually desiring a relationship, and if they're really socially clueless and frequently get angry at the fact that they haven't got a girlfriend yet and they're in their 40s, chances are finding and even keeping a relationship is most likely going to be a challenge for them.

I'm really sorry if this sounds a bit harsh, it's not like me to be brutally honest but I just wanted to get it out there. One example is if an autistic guy is so desperate for a girlfriend and becomes extremely angry and has public meltdowns because of it and sulks because he stood in front of a car to kill himself but nobody came running up to him with a girlfriend all lined up for him, then I don't think having a girlfriend would really solve their emotional problems. They're more likely to be abusive in some way as time passes.

I'm not generalizing, this doesn't apply to every autistic single guy out there, and it's normal and healthy for people to want a relationship, and being single does not automatically make you undesirable, so please don't kill me lol. I'm just saying that it may be the case for some. I'm not talking about anyone personally, nor am I generalizing.

"Why do the slaves want books? It's not like they're good at reading!"

Nice strawman.

If you're a heterosexual man, this doesn't mean no one ever had interest in you.

Unfortunately, women have been taught not to make the first move, but only to drop very subtle hints at most. Seems to me that that social expectation, in itself, would create an extremely difficult situation for autistic heterosexual men, who would likely have difficulty picking up on those very subtle hints.

^I think you might be right about that Mona Pereth. The way I see it though is that those types of women would not be a good match for Aspie guys who are more oblivious like me. Even if the Aspie guy decided to take a chance & ask her out, it would only be a matter of time before a misunderstanding would cause the relationship to end. It did not matter to me if a certain person would of been interested in me or not if I knew there was no chance of a potential relationship working out with her.

My girlfriend's kind of turned off by physically strong guys & kind of associates them with potentially being aggressive & violent. She prefers guys who are more sensitive & affectionate partly due to her being the same way & having a traumatic childhood.

Look, women barely give me the time of day to speak with me. There was a woman who was spending a lot of time with me and seemed to like me. I asked her out because I was pretty sure she did, and it turns out I was wrong and she ghosted me. I just bothered her.

The fact that on average most people have had someone attracted to them is not evidence that everyone has.

I am confident that out of the people I have interacted with, no one has made it clear enough that they were interested, and effectively, that is exactly the same.

"You have options, but you have no way of identifying those options," is not an accurate statement. It's like arguing that a blind man with one leg if he moves perfectly could win a game of basketball against a whole team of NBA champions. Sure, it's theoretically possible, but effectively not.

And no, I am not mostly attracted to the people who are usually talked about as being the most attractive. I'm attracted to women who are a little bit "goofy" or avant garde, and even a little chubby. It's not to say that I wouldn't be attracted to women who are attractive, just that the claims that I must be aiming for people who are by in large taken or unavailable isn't

I also don't have any kind of concept of what it would be like to have someone attracted to me, so it's not like I spend time actively looking. If you're not actively looking and specifically for the reason that you have no evidence anyone could be attracted to you, then I think it's unlikely that people would develop attraction to you in the first place, because they'd see you as oblivious.

Either way, there don't seem to be any options or any likelihood of identifying anyone attracted to me, which has an ostensibly identical functional outcome regardless of whether there ever had been someone who was unattracted and who I was unaware of.

I've had this happen before where women befriended me but didn't have any romantic interests in me & me making a move f#cked the friendship up. What was really awkward is that some of the women had assumed I was gay & I guess they saw me as a safe guy friend. They were shocked when I asked them out

In my case, I don't know if the woman I spoke about assumed I was gay or what, but if you happen to be straight and women based on your lack of stereotypical outward neurotypical male behaviors make assumptions that you're gay, that effectively creates the same scenario: Functionally, no one is attracted, which makes it accurate to say that no one is attracted.

I know I desire to be married but having to constantly maintain and maintenance the marriage sounds freaking HARD & EXHAUSTING!! !! !!

^ It isn't to me, but I can understand how it can be for some autistic folk.

Nope, not just NT. I've seen a couple of comments even here who have that thought process.

Me personally, I had never considered being in a relationship with another ND person, especially before I even knew I had ASD. This is all a new area for me. Knowing who I am now I'd feel more inclined to stick with other ND folks as I see I connect better with similar people.

Last edited by Coilette_91 on 21 Aug 2025, 12:31 am, edited 2 times in total.

From what I've seen, sex seems more important than an actual genuine loving relationship. Being overly concerned about still being a virgin at 35 or 40. Maybe it's just a thought process that men have in general? I don't know.

And I'm not saying that to be offensive, it's just what I've been observing.

That's what I'd prefer too, a man who's sensitive, and affectionate. And someone that's not afraid to be vulnerable in front of me, so I could be there for him like I'd want him to be there for me. I never understood this supposed obsession or desire for physically strong men. And it's sad that there are guys that possibly lack that trait view themselves as undesirable, but that's the unfortunate kind of society we live in. I'm glad that you found someone that sees you beyond any of that

Well, I just started a topic about that - viewtopic.php?t=428510
I don't understand it either.