To touch or not to touch...that is the question

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This is for when you are/or were involved in a relationship..I am talking about everyday affection, not stuff that goes in the mature forum.

I am affectionate, now, anyway (alternating with mock-hostility). Sometimes. At any rate, I am compared to how I used to be, so that's how I voted... dunno, I'll sayb yes for now and if Thagomizer ever finds this thread and thinks that's wrong he can correct me. I'm not very good at being verbally demonstrative, but, ironically, the touch barrier is gone, and actually disappeared almost instantly and turned into a mere lack of trainig. I say ironically because words are my strong point and I wouldn't let anyone touch me before I started the relationship. Blah. Rambling. Late. Tired. Does this help?

I can definately see what you mean. When I was younger, the people I was involved with would try to be affectionate and I had a hard time with that.

I have learned to be affectionate with my kids... the youngest mostly he likes to sit by me alot, which sometimes I am not for.

I hope more people respond, I am really curious as to who has been through similar..

I would not let my parents hug me when I was a kid. Now they don't bother to try. I got'em trained!


Nowadays I will hug people (girls, to be more specific). Anything past hugging, such as holding hands or kissing, is awkward and I don't like it.

quietangel,

I'm not entirely sure what you mean. Affection how? Since it's a bf/gf question it could mean a few things... I guess I'll answer the variations that come to mind.

1. PDA's are out. If you want to see a great turtle imitation this'll do it.

2. If it's just the two of us and we're sitting around, for example, sometimes. I do like to communicate to my partner/ receive in some way that things are ok between us. That's more important than the touching, which is a form of communication. I just want the communication to exist so I'm not in the dark. Hope that makes sense. But I do like to be physical sometimes, see below, and also the mature part.

3. I do like massages with partners... don't know if that's affection as much as a massage I feel comfortable receiving...

4. A kiss hello/goodbye is unnecessary. It's physical small talk. Unless It's going to be a while until I see said gf.

Thinking about this as I write, my answer is: no affection unless the libido is somehow involved or it's a massage.

Nope, not very affectionate. Occasionally I forget I'm out in public and stick my hand down my BF's shorts or something, though. He's the only one I'm even remotely affectionate with - I can't stand being touched by anybody else. I hate the kiss or hug greeting. I'll get all antsy about it in advance when I go see certain people who I know are going to do that, then I can relax when it's over. My kids have complained that I'm not affectionate enough, and I try, but it's really hard even with them, whom I love dearly. Sigh.

I am affectionate... most of the time. Sometimes I get irritable and fall into one of my don't-touch-me-or-else moods and then I definately won't be affectionate. Others have described me as unaffectionate but when I'm in the right situation or alone with my bf then I'm more open to showing affection - I hate showing it in public.

I had to learn to hug, and the timing and degree of the hug remains an intellectual question.

I don't recall much in the way of physical contact from my parents (nor on reviewing it later, did they get contact from their parents...) and for many years I took that as the underlying framework for my social difficulties. Now, I'm having to re-think that.

It's not that physical touch is unpleasant, but the great potential for rule-breaking, "getting it wrong" does cause that degree of doubt, hesitation and calculation which is well set to ruin the moment, seen from the other side.

For people in general i want to hug and cuddle with them all the time. For my mate, i want to cuddle, caress, lick and bite every part of you.

Everyday affection within the confines of a relationship? In those instances, I am super-affectionate. I have to be touching, kissing, and feeling all the time and demand the same in return from my partner. A woman being non-affectionate would be a deal breaker, there’s no way I could be happy with someone who isn’t very sensual.

As for being affectionate with anyone who I'm not romantically interested in, no way. Don't touch me! I have a hippy friend that likes to hug hello and goodbye all the time. I put up with it, but am sick of it and plan on telling him to knock it off next time I see him. Sometimes I react with hostility when people touch me, I really don’t like it.

I hug girls but like lowfreq find anything more to feel odd. Part of that is because I have the relationship experience of an average 11 year old and don't want to be made fun of for it. I strain and analyze girls alot before I let them close. Usually they fail and then I get scared that they will make fun of me for being a bad kisser or whatever.

I like being touched alot, but only by the right people.

That basically sums it up. Whether you're a right person or not seems to be some bizzare selection method conjoured up in my subconcious.