Dear men
12 Jun 2011, 5:47 pm
It's painfully obvious you don't understand women yet you go to other men to ask how to pick up women or deal with women in general.
Are you too afraid to ask women?
I've also noticed that when men do ask women on how they want to be treated or how to go about it, what the woman says is quickly disregarded and the man retorts with ...No all women want jerks!
You have to be mean to women! You have to play mindgames with them!
Gee it's no wonder.
The problem is men have decided that the positive male attributes that alot of women find desirable are shoved into the category as jerk and twisted to suit that negative male's mind to keep him in a perpetual loop of false security.
That man with the false security blanket does not understand that underneath his blanket are also false security shackles and handcuffs that only women have the key too. He keeps asking the men for the keys. Then men instead inject him with lies and don't have the key.
It's like how neurotypicals attempt to explain autism but when they explain autism all that comes out is their own perception with no real inside information. If someone with autism that can speak or type tells the person that they are not accurate about this information the neurotypical gets defensive and tries to belittle the person who actually has autism and knows how it feels.
I am not that ambassador of all women but I can tell you that MIND GAMES suck! If you wish to hurt someone and torment them than go right ahead with the mind games. It just shows that there is a problem with you that if you don't recognize it, you'll never feel free.
Mind games don't work well on all women because we're not ALL the same. Just like not all men are the same. Some women are easily misled while other women are thinking "who does this prick think he is?"
Some women who've had to deal with torment their entire existence are thinking you are just another cruel jerk tossed into their life and want you as far away as possible.
Pick up artists get hundreds of rejections before they get their "YES" the thing is their ego automatically omits the word NO so they go on to brag about their "score".
Women know more about this than men do because they have been on the receiving end of it so have more experience in what worked for them vs. what did not.
It is fairly basic however.
The thing is, you should have some positive traits and promote those.
If you view of yourself as negative, it shows!
If you hate yourself for aspergers, that shows!
You can turn your own aspergers into a strength.
There are alot of women who view smart men as an alpha trait because that man could use his brain to get ahead in life and it's attractive if done right.
First of all, you do NOT want to be the evil scientist man who wishes to play the hot and cold game, flirt with this woman's friends or indirectly trying to unlock the code of if she likes you or not before making your move. You'll just drag it on forever and eventually hurt her. Then she will forever dismiss any man that reminds her of you as a jerk.
What you do want to do is share yourself. Talk about some things you find fascinating but keep it short and to the point (practice with this. I still struggle with this myself but am finally getting the hang of it), then if she is interested in you she will talk about a hobby of hers. If she is not talking about her hobby simply ask her what she likes to do in her spare time. From there you are building a connection.
It's okay to give space. It's a break so the other person can digest the event properly. If you don't give space and call too much or email or talk every single day, the person will feel you are a danger to them and could be a stalker. After a few days of a break, if she isn't starting conversation with you, start it with her.
If you do wish to date this person, make sure you understand what her interests are. Make sure you both share the same interest. If you don't and you have trouble feigning interest it will lead to disaster so it's best to be honest.
Shake her hand or give her a hug after the date. Don't call her the next day. Give her time to think about it. The three day waiting scheme is old and doesn't really work. In three days the woman is growing insecure about herself and not sure if you like her so by this time she may have figured out that you are doing the three day waiting and feels that it's a game so she will end up ignoring you to see how you like it.
Call her in two days. Just tell her you were busy but the two of you should have plenty to talk about. Invite her out to another occasion making sure it's something like a walk in a park. Something with a nice scene where the two of you can bond.
From there just be your quirky self but don't turn it into a negative. Turn it into a positive.
The truth is, men should stop just looking for ANY woman to just merely have sex with. Men like women are better off with those they can connect with and bond on a mutual level. Otherwise you get happy that you finally got laid and marry the one who you don't have a strong connection with but at least she didn't say no! You get married or long term girlfriend only to find that you've met someone you actually did feel a real connection with but you are bound by this other person out of convenience at that time.
12 Jun 2011, 6:04 pm
Good tips, although while you say men and women aren't all the same you sure talk like they are.
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AngelKnight
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Joined: 3 May 2011
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 749
Location: This is not my home; I'm just passing through
12 Jun 2011, 7:45 pm
Are you too afraid to ask women?
I have, and they seem to perceive my questions as either thinly-disguised come-ons or pervy inquisitions.
Then explain why jerks are so damned attractive to women.
No you don't, since that plays right into their rules of engagement.
No. You have to recognize the mind-games women play on men and understand how to deal with them.
This one is called "You're not a jerk, you jerk!" The best way to deal with this is to present a neutral affect while going about one's own business without first gaining her approval. When she starts complaining, shrug, smile, and keep doing your own thing.
So often-times it happens that we live our lives in chains, and we never even know we have the key.
False analogy.
Only desperate, insecure women play mind games. The best defense for a man is to simply walk away from her ... and keep walking.
Every woman has a weakness or a price.
Or they want to keep the jerk just close enough to take out all their pent-up rage on, but not so close that he notices the "nice guy" she's been banging on the sly.
No, some of us will charmingly and graciously accept the rejection, and then move on to the next opportunity. Look at it from a jerk's perspective: for every success, there are dozens of other women who remain dateless and lonely. Sooner or later, a good portion of those lonely women will welcome the jerk's attention, if only for a one-night stand, just to validate her attractiveness.
What works for women is simply to be available and reasonably attractive. Men are the ones who have to make the sales pitch, while the woman is the one who chooses which male she takes home to her nest.
Money, good looks, manners, and attentiveness will only earn a man a "nice guy" label - one that many women see as wimpy. An assertive, un-inhibited personality bespeaks "power", a trait that women see as manly.
If a man believes he will strike out, then he likely will.
If you have no social skills because of AS, that also shows.
I did. That's why I'm more successful than most NTs my age.
The trouble is in finding such women, as they all seem to be locked into relationships with "Bad Boys" who can give them what they want right now.
Ahh ... but her friends will still be around, and many of them have pretty friends as well.
Or she will call you a creep and accuse you of stalking her, then some jerk will tell you to leave and end up going home with her - which is what she really wanted in the first place. This game is called "Let's You and Him Fight".
All the while, she's dismissing the man as an insensitive jerk for not calling her.
If she wasn't interested in sex by the third date, then a fourth date rarely happened.
She will think he's gay for not trying for a kiss.
She will think he's an insensitive player.
Give her time to consider other men.
I think I just said that.
Preferable some place near where her friends hang out so that they can check him out and make the judgment call as to whether or not he's worth her time.
Tens and twenties work best.
Why not? There are so many such women available that the woman playing head games is likely to wind up with an insecure, neurotic pushover who will do anything she says out of fear of being dumped.
The big mistake that most men make is to continue a relationship after the first date one night stand.
That's why men should play the field and not just settle for the first woman that is a bedroom acrobat, but instead select a woman from the talent pool that also has a university degree, a steady job that pays well, some type of creative talent, and no interest in having children.
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The mere fact that science may not yet adequately explain an object, event, or experience does not mean the immediate explanation should automatically default to a conspiratorial, extraterrestrial, paranormal, or supernatural cause.
Last edited by Fnord on 12 Jun 2011, 7:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
12 Jun 2011, 10:59 pm
Key phrase: "... most women I've met...", which implies a very small sample of the general female population.
... unless they are the ones playing them, OR they are playing them on an unresponsive Aspie.
_________________
The mere fact that science may not yet adequately explain an object, event, or experience does not mean the immediate explanation should automatically default to a conspiratorial, extraterrestrial, paranormal, or supernatural cause.
13 Jun 2011, 12:09 am
Dear woman, when you start giving us some fair and accurate no-bullsh*t tips (based on proper scientific and psychological knowledge), then we'll listen and pay attention.
Thankfully, there are a few females here who don't bullsh*t as much when it comes to dating and seduction tips. So I tend to pay attention to what they have to say.
13 Jun 2011, 12:41 am
Are you too afraid to ask women?
I've also noticed that when men do ask women on how they want to be treated or how to go about it, what the woman says is quickly disregarded and the man retorts with ...No all women want jerks!
You have to be mean to women! You have to play mindgames with them!
Gee it's no wonder.
The problem is men have decided that the positive male attributes that alot of women find desirable are shoved into the category as jerk and twisted to suit that negative male's mind to keep him in a perpetual loop of false security.
That man with the false security blanket does not understand that underneath his blanket are also false security shackles and handcuffs that only women have the key too. He keeps asking the men for the keys. Then men instead inject him with lies and don't have the key.
It's like how neurotypicals attempt to explain autism but when they explain autism all that comes out is their own perception with no real inside information. If someone with autism that can speak or type tells the person that they are not accurate about this information the neurotypical gets defensive and tries to belittle the person who actually has autism and knows how it feels.
I am not that ambassador of all women but I can tell you that MIND GAMES suck! If you wish to hurt someone and torment them than go right ahead with the mind games. It just shows that there is a problem with you that if you don't recognize it, you'll never feel free.
Mind games don't work well on all women because we're not ALL the same. Just like not all men are the same. Some women are easily misled while other women are thinking "who does this prick think he is?"
Some women who've had to deal with torment their entire existence are thinking you are just another cruel jerk tossed into their life and want you as far away as possible.
Pick up artists get hundreds of rejections before they get their "YES" the thing is their ego automatically omits the word NO so they go on to brag about their "score".
Women know more about this than men do because they have been on the receiving end of it so have more experience in what worked for them vs. what did not.
It is fairly basic however.
The thing is, you should have some positive traits and promote those.
If you view of yourself as negative, it shows!
If you hate yourself for aspergers, that shows!
You can turn your own aspergers into a strength.
There are alot of women who view smart men as an alpha trait because that man could use his brain to get ahead in life and it's attractive if done right.
First of all, you do NOT want to be the evil scientist man who wishes to play the hot and cold game, flirt with this woman's friends or indirectly trying to unlock the code of if she likes you or not before making your move. You'll just drag it on forever and eventually hurt her. Then she will forever dismiss any man that reminds her of you as a jerk.
What you do want to do is share yourself. Talk about some things you find fascinating but keep it short and to the point (practice with this. I still struggle with this myself but am finally getting the hang of it), then if she is interested in you she will talk about a hobby of hers. If she is not talking about her hobby simply ask her what she likes to do in her spare time. From there you are building a connection.
It's okay to give space. It's a break so the other person can digest the event properly. If you don't give space and call too much or email or talk every single day, the person will feel you are a danger to them and could be a stalker. After a few days of a break, if she isn't starting conversation with you, start it with her.
If you do wish to date this person, make sure you understand what her interests are. Make sure you both share the same interest. If you don't and you have trouble feigning interest it will lead to disaster so it's best to be honest.
Shake her hand or give her a hug after the date. Don't call her the next day. Give her time to think about it. The three day waiting scheme is old and doesn't really work. In three days the woman is growing insecure about herself and not sure if you like her so by this time she may have figured out that you are doing the three day waiting and feels that it's a game so she will end up ignoring you to see how you like it.
Call her in two days. Just tell her you were busy but the two of you should have plenty to talk about. Invite her out to another occasion making sure it's something like a walk in a park. Something with a nice scene where the two of you can bond.
From there just be your quirky self but don't turn it into a negative. Turn it into a positive.
The truth is, men should stop just looking for ANY woman to just merely have sex with. Men like women are better off with those they can connect with and bond on a mutual level. Otherwise you get happy that you finally got laid and marry the one who you don't have a strong connection with but at least she didn't say no! You get married or long term girlfriend only to find that you've met someone you actually did feel a real connection with but you are bound by this other person out of convenience at that time.
Dear Women,
Please don't be picky and accept men that are friendly, gentlemen, and has made an effort to be a knight in shiny armor. You only going to lose 50% if you get marry any way. You have a better chance with my description.
If you don't say anything, we can't hear you. We are an excellent listener without making sounds. Please follow our eyes and you will know if we are listening.
If we ask for a date, please says yes or explain why not. If no come with no explaination, we will move on. If you want a date and we compliment your hair, how about suggest going to some cafe that offer burger, fries, and drink to get the ball rolling?
Men can be fustrated too and can carelessly hurt feeling but if we are stubborn and help you. Please accept our help to amend what was done.
P.S. If you are going to break up, please be a woman enough to tell.
Sincerely,
Men
13 Jun 2011, 12:49 am
To Whome It May Concern,
Don't listen to generalized advice. Treat everyone you come across as a unique individual and if you wish to get closer to a particular one... get to know them and what they like.
Also, please stop trying to speak for an entire gender. It makes you look like a jackass.
Sincerely,
TeaEarlGreyHot
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ValentineWiggin
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Joined: 15 May 2011
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,907
Location: Beneath my cat's paw
13 Jun 2011, 12:51 am
That knowledge is freely-available to anyone who cares to seek it in an objective fashion-
meaning a holistic view of dating, sex, procreating, etc, as opposed to cherry-picking research that might be used in support of their preconceived, often-misogynist notions.
The people who offer "tips" are offering what they know of themselves as a member of one gender, and in their interactions, often in spaces limited to that gender, where such topics come up and are discussed frankly.
Isolation of variables is also important- for instance, jerks are often confident. Confident people approach others more often and come off as more self-assured. This leads to greater success in many avenues of life. Does this mean women are unique creatures who enjoy being treated like garbage by jerks? No. But the shy unconfident guy seething in the corner watching the process unfold will likely conclude as much, because doing so is less painful than critical examination of himself. Such a person also conveniently and ironically ignores the qualities generally-shared by *real* successful men: they are self-assured, good-natured, and generally have a healthy sense of self and others.
Dating is one thing, "seduction" another. If there's a woman here who recommends men lie, put on a front, or otherwise manipulate or coerce women into sex, I've yet to see it.
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of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest."
