Are guys allowed to be insecure?

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Sunshine7
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04 Dec 2011, 1:48 pm

...interpret the actual degree of insecurity however you wish,from "I must call you every 5 minutes" to "i'm really not sure if I'm just smart enough to win the Nobel prize twice..."



CaptainTrips222
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04 Dec 2011, 1:51 pm

Not allowed to show it. So basically, no, they can't be insecure, not if they wanna get anywhere in dating.



scmnz
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04 Dec 2011, 1:55 pm

This seems to be one of the topics where everyone has a diffrent opinion, but in my opinion if you have to pretend to be diffrent then who you are for someone, they Arent worth being in a relationship with in the first place.



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04 Dec 2011, 2:41 pm

Totally depends on how the other person responds to it, people have lots of opinions on this and, disregarding my opinion on what is correct, the truth is that yes when dealing with some people and no with others.


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04 Dec 2011, 2:58 pm

It not only depends on the person you are with, but the context in which you meet. First impressions are a big thing, but if you are being consistent with how the other person perceives you, then it's all good. If you are so insecure that you can't take care of yourself, then what girl would want to pursue an independent relationship with said guy? (independent as in minimal outside influence from friends and family) As long as a guy can fend for himself, he can be as insecure as anyone else. (depends on your definition of that. It could be a high paying job with benefits and a Corvette, or it could be an apartment and a job, or it could be a brain and two legs) Girls generally don't like the whole sentimental BS thing though, so unless she is a walking Twilight fangirl stereotype, don't pour your heart out to her.



The_Face_of_Boo
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04 Dec 2011, 3:04 pm

No, but men themselves are the most be blamed for it. It's the fathers who tell tell their male toddlers "men don't cry".

But again, maybe that was (and still) necessary.



mar00
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04 Dec 2011, 3:29 pm

No, definitely, only women are allowed and actually encouraged to feel insecure. The more the better.



tronist
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04 Dec 2011, 3:31 pm

CaptainTrips222 wrote:
Not allowed to show it. So basically, no, they can't be insecure, not if they wanna get anywhere in dating.
this.

insecurity is the opposite of confidence, which is what girls / women look for.



DialAForAwesome
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04 Dec 2011, 3:39 pm

Forget not being allowed to show it--you're not allowed to think it either. It's like people can tell if you have no confidence, even if you don't show it.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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04 Dec 2011, 3:43 pm

No one can have confidence in everything.

The confidence in men that women usually refer to is basically the 'social confidence'.



mar00
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04 Dec 2011, 3:59 pm

Seeming confidence is a key asset to every single living organism.



The_Face_of_Boo
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04 Dec 2011, 4:04 pm

mar00 wrote:
Seeming confidence is a key asset to every single living organism.


I dunno about that, do bacteria have to be confident in order to survive any antibiotics? :p



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04 Dec 2011, 4:08 pm

A lot of seemingly arrogant and overconfident men are deeply insecure.


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CaptainTrips222
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04 Dec 2011, 4:16 pm

DialAForAwesome wrote:
Forget not being allowed to show it--you're not allowed to think it either. It's like people can tell if you have no confidence, even if you don't show it.


I have dealt with enough cocky narcissists to know that not everyone who seems confident feels it deep down. Believe me, some of these people who act like they're all that are deeply insecure at the same time. It sounds weird, but you'd be surprised.



CaptainTrips222
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04 Dec 2011, 4:21 pm

Vigilans wrote:
A lot of seemingly arrogant and overconfident men are deeply insecure.


THIS^

For them, it's a matter of knowing how to hide it, which is a social skill in itself. You can still sort of see through it if you squint, but hey, it works for them.



Apple_in_my_Eye
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04 Dec 2011, 4:25 pm

Nope.

It's interesting to read trans* people's experiences with that. Basically all of the people who go from living as male to living as female in the world say that accepted/allowed emotional expression expands greatly. Instead of being limited to anger & lust, you get to have/express as many emotions as you want and just about as much as you want. It sounds almost human. (Of course, there are other things which people find to be downsides.)

There was some rom-com on TV the other night, and the female character was neurotic, insecure, scared, etc. The male leads (there were two) OTOH were basically confidence with a penises attached. They were never insecure, worried, scared or anything else. They were like animated cardboard cutouts rather than real humans.