Break-up

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If you guys had seen some of my earlier threads in the L&D section, you'd know that I've been dating someone from another town since the 7th of May that it was long-distance. Anyway, my GF e-mailed me last Saturday to say that she doesn't think that long-distance will work anymore. She said it was due to the fact that she hardly leaves her house anymore because her schedule with regards to that internet business that she's running is simply too intense and she's got too much work on her plate to really have. That coupled with the fact that neither of us can drive, means that we'll hardly ever get to see each other, so at this point I kind of agree. However, she also said that she wants to remain friends and keep in contact with me. So, since I don't have any plans to go away in December, I replied asking if it would be possible to still see meet other for lunch sometime during the Christmas holidays, with no strings attached this time. Do you think this was a good idea? Also, I was wondering if it was possible for me to keep my options open, so that we could try again if the situation improves itself in the future. If so, how would I go about asking her if we could do that? (It's not at all that I wouldn't be happy remaining friends but I still would like it if we could get back together in the future, if at all possible).

Last edited by Jono on 05 Dec 2011, 6:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

My gut feeling knew since the very beginning that your non-driver status would be a major problem.

I am sorry jono, if you can't drive (because of your sight problem) then there won't be a solution. Your only solution is finding another girl who's more "non-driver" and distance tolerant or geographically closer one. But always keep in mind that your inability to drive is a potential problem whether she's close or not.

And no, don't hope for leave options open hoping that she'll be your gf again.

She's the one who ended the relationship and therefore only she can re-establish it.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 04 Dec 2011, 7:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I believe I've asked you this before, how come guys with physical disabilities get girlfriends? Yes, I've actually seen guys who can't drive because of physical disability with girlfriends and I'm just as equally unable to get a driving license as those guys. And its not like she didn't know in her case, I told her that I couldn't drive already just before we started dating and at that time she actually chose to continue with it regardless of that.

And with regards to the leaving options open thing, I was only asking if I could ask her if it was a possibility, not whether I should give up looking for someone else. Obviously, it's up to her.

and who told you that those guys don't struggle at dating? They certainly do.

Of course they do. Still, they (most of them) have the advantage of being able to understand social signals. As I recall, you had your last L&D thread shut down by mods because people were telling you something you didn't want to believe: this particular woman was NOT going to work for you. She didn't want to work for you. She could not possibly have been any more clear about it, and anyone with the slightest ability to 'feel out' human relationships could see that. You couldn't. I'm not saying this to be cruel; I just want to refute the advice above (that your visual deficit/inability to drive is the major factor in your lack of success with women). You're an aspie. That's your stone to roll.

If you had read my OP, you'd know that the reason Boo mentioned that is because the fact that neither of us can drive, coupled with the distance factor is actually what she said was a reason why it wouldn't be able work out. Also, since this is the first time I've even had a GF, we can hardly say what the general reason for my lack of success is. Boo was at least partly right since the fact that we both had to rely on lifts to meet each other was a problem from the beginning, although I just assumed that we could continue that until she got her driving license.

I still stand by what I said in the other thread, which I had gotten locked because she reads the WP forums.

She has made her mind up and made it very clear she doesn't want to continue this relationship with you. To pursue and pester her now would only lead to you coming off as desperate and clingy and as Boo said, she is the only person who can re-establish the relationship so I think it's time to let go off that hope and move on. Don't stay friends with her because you're clearly attached to this girl, simply move on.

If that doesn't work, move to a City like London where most people use public transport or push bikes and every other place you look is a beautiful girl or model. In the UK, everything is in walking distance so it would be convenient for someone like you, several of my male friends who don't drive have attractive girlfriends.

She's the one who wants to remain friends, so I'm not going to just break off all contact with her. Also, I wasn't planning to pester her, it's a question with a yes or no answer. We only met each other three times anyway, the rest of our contact was on-line.

If it wasn't really an issue for her then she wouldn't mention it in her breaking up message, that only means that his non-driving status was an issue that bugging her at heart and only she only exposed it at the end. Believe it or not, it was a major factor.

if she loved him enough, she would have waited him till she got her driving licence but......


NEWS flash (sorry deconstruction for stealing this): Women are more likely to refuse a man because he doesn't drive than vice versa. Even more, a woman who's dating a non-driving man is more likely to complain about this issue than the other way around (a man dating a non-driving woman).

Here a cultural comparison that you may understand it better: A man having a car in the developing and in not-much-developed countries (like SA) is the equivalent of a man having a flat of his own in America and the west. A man with no car in those countries is like the man living with his parents in the west (= not having his own flat), hence more likely to be rejected by women, the same reverse applies here: men in those countries are more likely to be tolerant about dating with-no-car women like the men in the west are usually more likely to be tolerant toward the idea of dating women who don't have flats of their own.


Jono is a guy - his girlfriend is a girl (surprise!!) - Jono realized that his gf doesn't drive , yet he was ready to compromise this lacking and find other means to compensate that.

His ex-gfs realized that jono doesn't drive too but she wasn't ready to tolerate this, and she wasn't ready to wait till she becomes a driver , and that;s why she mentioned it (even if it was just a slight hint but believe my guts...it IS a significant reason) as one of the breaking-up reasons.


Hope i made this clear once and for all.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 05 Dec 2011, 12:30 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I can't drive either and for the same reasons. It's a nuisance as it means it's difficult to get around.

It appeared as though she was also willing to compensate, until around September, when she basically told me that we I had postpone any plans for visit because of her schedule and all the stuff she was going through at the time. That was really the first time that she no longer seemed happy about us not being able to drive and she appeared to longer have the free time. Nonetheless, I never made that visit.

(sexist stereotype below)

Girls usually don't say their mind, it's your job to interpret what's bothering her.

When it comes to minor things, they would let you know by nagging, but when there's a major issue they just go to 'silent mode'.

Boo, I think you're assuming that I don't know all the reasons or that the driving issue is the only reason. Yes, not being able drive is a factor, however there are other circumstances that I didn't mention in this thread or was vague about. Unfortunately, most people are giving me advice based just on the information gave, including Wolfheart who said that I shouldn't remain friends with her.

That's the tough thing about sharing in a forum. I recently shared about some issues I was having with my fiance in a relationship forum. Since I had only mentioned the issues, but not the positives, people began urging me to break up with him. So I had to go back and explain that this wasn't ALL that was going on with us. Again, the readers had nothing to go on but what I had told them, and I realized that it is almost impossible to give an accurate picture in words.

I've got a bit of an update here. I've spoken to my mom today and a friend yesterday about my GF's break-up message. The friend I spoke to seems to think that the distance was a problem while my mom doesn't seem to believe that she's been completely honest about everything she told me (not about the distance and driving issue part but about the schedule part, that she doesn't have time anymore to make arrangements for us to see each other and travel the distance, which I didn't mention much about). I heard my mom talking to my dad and sister about it as well and my dad doesn't believe she was being honest either while my sister pointed out that it is a long distance to travel each time.

My mom suggested that I could still e-mail her again now and then but that I should probably start messaging people on OKCupid again to look for someone new. Nonetheless, I haven't heard anything from her again at all since she sent me that last message even though she did say that hoped to remain friends and my last contact with her was my reply to that break-up e-mail.

Old thread, I know but since you linked it in a new thread...

Anyway, my advice when it comes to relationships: don't listen to your mom and dad, listen to your sister. Your sister is a young woman and in more touch with the reality and the mindset of your generation, your parents are no longer in touch with the current dating game, their love advices are obsolete.

No wonder your sister and your friend gave you the same explanation.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 31 Jul 2013, 3:38 am, edited 1 time in total.