When Internet Dating Doesn't Work

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In the last month I have signed up for no less than four internet dating websites. I've sent contact messages out to about 12 people. I have only recieved three replies and they have all been negative.

What is the point to internet dating if the people you try and contact don't contact you back?

12 messages is not a lot, really.

i'd ask people (friends or even people here) to critique your profile. it may help. also you might want to get advice on the kind of messages you are sending.

I largely experience the same thing,it seems people are just extremely judgmental on those type of sites.

I spent years trying lots of dating sites & I only got a reply to my initial message maybe 5% of the time. However I got lots of messages from older women who were only looking for friendship who thought my profile was great & some made comments about how they wished their daughters would be willing to give me a chance. My theory is that younger women are wanting things like attraction from looks or personality; or they are they have a set of rigid criteria. I found that internet forums work a hell of a lot better for me than dating sites ever did because women on them get to know me a bit based on my personality instead of a profile & a pic

Typically, people that sign up for dating sites are either very shy or passive aggressive. Some people want to feel superior, and some people want the illusion of being wanted. Rarely are people on there serious. Dating is taking a risk.

Teh Internetz...

I think dating sites make guys look and sound desperate , I've noticed that such stigma still strongly exists especially if you're older than a certain age and you're on a dating site they would assume you're kinda desperate, and that would automatically makes you less attractive to them. Like if you are too active on the dating site, girls would assume that you have nothing else going on in your life.

Make sure to log out, okcupid might make you look you're 24/7 there if you don't log out .

And what's funny that many (noticed that on POF) are seeking for outgoing guys with active social life there and who can travel the world , on a dating site! Hmm, good luck with that.


Some girls on okc kept asking me weird questions like 'Why are you on okc?" , I mean, wtf, why they don't ask herself that question. ;p And when I ask them the same question back they often reply with something like "I am just bored" or "for quizzes" or "for meeting new people", (yeah, right), no one actually admit they're using it for seeking dates, too much pride I guess ;p, well I wouldn't admit it to anyone either because I am very aware how most people would take it (= ahh he must be desperate).

So yea, in a sum, you have to exist on the dating site but you have to be the total opposite of the typical type of a dating site guy at the same time, whatever that means.

Hey! I joined years ago because of quizzes. I use my account just for that, thankyouverymuch.

My brother received replies only from women he ended up not wanting to be in the same country as. I wrote a profile for him because he was a really sweet guy and apparently didn't know how to say so. He posted the profile I wrote. In a month he was engaged. A few more months and he was married.
You might want a woman who knows you well to write the profile so that other women can get an accurate read on you.

I think she read his public profile and messaged him first, but I can't swear that in court. That's an interesting point.

I just had a thought. The people I've been sending contact messages to are not the "average" type of woman that a man desires, eg blonde-haired supermodels. I've tried more "alternative" women as I feel that they would be more accepting of my quirks.

What I want to know is would the blonde-haired supermodel be more likely to respond to a contact email than someone like a goth, because as we all know hot women have a lot more confidence?

Mr_Axelrod,

As far as I understand, you believe conventionally "hot" girls wouldn't want to give you a chance, so you want to go after those "alternative" girls? Well, like spongy said, that's a major fail, because alternative girls can be snobbish and egoistical and they reject guys they dislike just like "popular/mainstream" hot girls do.

Someone's dressing style, music taste or even interests don't determine the way a person approaches the relationships. It's true that these girls might want a guy to be different than the "mainstream girls" do (though this might not always be true), but it doesn't mean much.

In short, don't go after these girls just because you think mainstream hotties won't give you a chance. Always go after an individual, regardless of her style, and try to find a compatible person. I know it's difficult to tell this on a dating website, but I have no other advice to give.