I'm a 33 y/o male Asperger and I've never had a girlfriend

Page 1 of 3 [ 47 posts ] Go to page 1, 2, 3 Next

Previous topic | Next topic

jonathandoors
Pileated woodpecker

Joined: 5 Oct 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 199

28 Oct 2006, 10:56 am

Please help

alex
Developer

Joined: 13 Jun 2004
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,224
Location: Beverly Hills, CA

28 Oct 2006, 11:12 am

could you give some backround info on what you've tried and what hasn't worked for you so I can better answer your request for help? Thanks!

_________________
I'm Alex Plank, the founder of Wrong Planet. Follow me (Alex Plank) on Blue Sky: https://bsky.app/profile/alexplank.bsky.social

Tim_Tex
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 2 Jul 2004
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 46,689
Location: Houston, Texas

28 Oct 2006, 11:41 am

First of all, Welcome to WP!

As far as your dating situation, here would be my advice:

Ask yourself "what kind of woman am I looking for?" Try to find somebody with similar interests, or anything else that you and your ideal mate might have in common (like certain beliefs, causes, issues, etc.).

A lot of single guys on WP are looking for females who are aspies. And you might hear a lot about the male-female ratio for AS being 4:1, 10:1, etc. Don't let that deter you, if that is in fact what you are looking for. There aren't that many single Aspie women on this particular site at this time, but they can pop up at any time. If you are looking for a female Aspie, try finding a local support group where you are, and see where things go from there. But always, keep visiting WP!

But don't limit yourself to other Aspies. There are probably tons of worthy NTs that you could click with. And never settle for just anyone. I had been in a relationship in which I did that, and I was more miserable than when I was single.

I hope this helps, and I wish you the best of luck in finding that special someone.

Tim

_________________
Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!

Psychlone
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 30 Jan 2005
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 713
Location: Michigan

28 Oct 2006, 12:26 pm

Unfortunately I can't help you, as I am a male in a similar position. I think many of us here are in the same boat.

MrSinister
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 19 Oct 2006
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,560
Location: England

28 Oct 2006, 12:28 pm

Sounds about right. I'm 27 in a couple of months, and I've still got a zero batting average - and not for want of trying

jman
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Oct 2004
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,278

28 Oct 2006, 12:41 pm

have you any of ever considered getting professional help per your dating situation instead of coming on here and having a pity party?

First of all there a ton of resources for dating like books and websites. Askmen.com has a ton of helpful articles related to dating and sexuality. Their is also all kinds of books on dating.

Another option is consulting a psychologist on improving confidence, self esteem, and communication skills particulary with women. People with AS maybe born with deficets in skills, but it does not mean those skills can be learned.

alex
Developer

Joined: 13 Jun 2004
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,224
Location: Beverly Hills, CA

28 Oct 2006, 2:11 pm

jman wrote:

have you any of ever considered getting professional help per your dating situation instead of coming on here and having a pity party?

This site is here to help people learn to date. It serves the same function as the articles on the sites you linked to. Anyway, i don't see a probl with it.

_________________
I'm Alex Plank, the founder of Wrong Planet. Follow me (Alex Plank) on Blue Sky: https://bsky.app/profile/alexplank.bsky.social

TheBladeRoden
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Feb 2005
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,208
Location: Wisconsin

28 Oct 2006, 2:22 pm

same boat! *high five*

_________________
"I reject your reality, and substitute my own" -Adam Savage

jman
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Oct 2004
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,278

28 Oct 2006, 2:46 pm

alex,

I find askmen.com to be more helpful and insightful.

IcelandicGuy
Blue Jay

Joined: 13 Jun 2006
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 84
Location: Reykjavik

28 Oct 2006, 3:55 pm

I´m 25 and on the same boat as well. I think the only possibly way I can get a date is through the internet ´cause the biggest problem I have is not knowing how to show genuine interest and empathy with people in person.
I managed to contact a couple of women through a chatroom but I made the mistake of mentioning my AS and they lost interest. Then again how am I supposed to explain why I have never had a girlfriend, or a proper friend for that matter, at my age ?

ELLCIM
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 22 Nov 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 513
Location: Canada

28 Oct 2006, 5:11 pm

IcelandicGuy wrote:

My experiences with online dating have been the worst of all my "dating" experiences. It's just a waste of money.

Stinkypuppy
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 2 Oct 2006
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,554

28 Oct 2006, 6:52 pm

IcelandicGuy wrote:

Mentioning AS is not a mistake. If they're not going to be accepting of AS now and up front, they're probably not going to accept it later. They'll just think that you hid the info from them on purpose.

Besides, if they don't like you for who you are, AS and all, then are they really worth keeping?

aleclair
Velociraptor

Joined: 18 Oct 2006
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 457
Location: Brooklyn NY

28 Oct 2006, 8:17 pm

Stinkypuppy wrote:

Besides, if they don't like you for who you are, AS and all, then are they really worth keeping?

Great point. If they run away from you because you say you have AS, then they're probably not mature enough to have a relationship with you.

Sometimes I wish I had the strength to tell people, "I have Aspergers Syndrome, and I behave the way I do socially not because I hate you, I'm not interested in you, etc... but because of AS" But maybe, in a high school setting, not saying anything is the best. People just aren't mature enough at my age to accept people's differences, to accept that everyone is individual... the pack mentality that killed off Cinna the Poet in Shakespeare's Julius Caesar (I've been waiting to use this reference!) is the norm at this age, as much as I try to deny it.

As for girlfriends, I am (sort of) in your situation. Save for fifth grade (does that count?), I've not had a proper girlfriend.

I feel, though, that I would not be saying this if I just knew how to determine whether a girl likes me or not. Because, in retrospect, I had a couple chances that I blew off.

Stinkypuppy
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 2 Oct 2006
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,554

28 Oct 2006, 8:44 pm

aleclair wrote:

But maybe, in a high school setting, not saying anything is the best. People just aren't mature enough at my age to accept people's differences, to accept that everyone is individual... the pack mentality that killed off Cinna the Poet in Shakespeare's Julius Caesar (I've been waiting to use this reference!) is the norm at this age, as much as I try to deny it.

This is a fairly controversial topic. It's true that the other students may not be mature or sympathetic to understand AS and to accept people's differences, but this is part of growing up. AS and non-AS people alike are able to establish their own identities as individuals during adolescence, hence people become associated with the "nerds" or the "jocks" or the "popular kids." And from what I've seen, these labels tend to disintegrate by the mid-20s, simply because everybody is different and no label really describes the full complexity that people become by that age.

Perhaps it depends on the high school. If you go to a fairly tolerant high school where the students seem... well... "enlightened," then I think it would be ok to say something about AS. If the students seem like idiots, then telling them about AS just won't do any good. You can't educate people who don't want to learn.

jonathandoors
Pileated woodpecker

Joined: 5 Oct 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 199

29 Oct 2006, 10:11 am

alex wrote:

could you give some backround info on what you've tried and what hasn't worked for you so I can better answer your request for help? Thanks!

i considered majoring in philosophy as a way of meeting women with mutual interests but that didn't work. Raised an evangelical Christian, monomaniacal obsessive interest in Christian apologetics. tried getting phone # but that didn't work. often got emails which were never responded to.

jonathandoors
Pileated woodpecker

Joined: 5 Oct 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 199

29 Oct 2006, 10:13 am

Well thanks.

I guess I'm looking for someone who is hot but quiet and introverted. thus far i have had zero success and i am a virgin at 33. i thought i could find one in philosophy or literature but i struck out. i've tried personal ads but with zero success.

Tim_Tex wrote:

Page 1 of 3 [ 47 posts ] Go to page 1, 2, 3 Next

Jump to:

I'm a 33 y/o male Asperger and I've never had a girlfriend Post Reply New Topic

I'm a 33 y/o male Asperger and I've never had a girlfriend