Keep Trying--You Could Be Seconds Away From Success

Post Reply New Topic

I used to be a bit "round-heeled" during my youth and I was trying to clean up my act, but was VERY interested in a guy who was a bit shy (and in hindsight, probably AS). We were in our mid-twenties, still living with the 'rents, underemployed, etc.. He invited me over to watch movies with himself and his friend. We smoked a bit of pot and it made me a very shy and awkward, but I was happy to be there and curious about why he invited me over. I was never sure if he was interested in me or not, but I had been observing him from a distance and trying to find stuff to talk to him about. I even read a really boring book I'd seen him reading, so he'd maybe think I was interested in the Mossad and could have an intelligent conversation about it.

Anyway, it was getting later and later and I was a little uncomfortable because his friend kept giving him funny looks, and I was really stoned and all of a sudden, I saw a movement out of the corner of my eye and it startled me and my startle reflex is horribly strong, and I screamed. The movement was the guy trying to make a move and put his arm around my shoulder on the couch behind me.

I didn't try any moves on him because I was trying to be a "nice girl". And of course, he was too embarrassed and didn't try again for a whole 'nother year and by then it was too late. But if he'd tried again in a few minutes, instead of waiting a whole year, I'd have rolled right over.

id stay away from this advice. It sounds like a good way to get slapped

Or get rape charges.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4hNaFkbZYU[/youtube]

Haha, that's a tragic series of events...I think in cases like that, the girl absolutely has to clearly state that she's not jumping or flinching because the idea of your arm around her disgusts her and proceed to plainly ask that you do it again. Poof, problem absolutely solved for all eternity and there's zero risk for men accidentally misconstruing the reaction and either giving up or worse, trying again when the reaction was genuine.

Is it really that bad these days? You can't even put your arm around the back of someone's chair? I wasn't advocating putting your hand down some poor girl's blouse, just showing that what gets interpreted as a rejection is probably not. No wonder everybody is so lonesome around here. Damned if you do, damned if you don't, I guess.

Is it that bad? Yes. If you make any kind of "move" and she objects, the law can absolutely destroy him - I've experienced this personally. (No, I didn't touch any privates!!)

It's hard for me to believe someone would actually sic the law on someone for a trivial, personal quarrel. I'm glad I'm naive in that respect. I don't understand manipulation and ulterior motives well enough.

I guess I did have an ulterior motive in reading the boring book where the guy was concerned, but only to give me something to talk about with him.

I still wish he'd tried again. I tried talking to him at work but he was defensive and embarrassed and I gave up. He wasn't a coworker, btw. Office romance is silly to me. He worked next door to my place of business and popped in sometimes to browse.

in a world that men can be seen as rapists for as much as being out at night, yes its that bad.

bet you wish you had
the law is scary now a days.

I got slapped with the "creep" label for saying hi to a girl. I said hi and then just walked away. Next thing I know I'm hearing her shout "you creep!"

So yeah, it IS that bad.....

And this is why women make me go:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4oniF1KXV0[/youtube]

its aparently not very uncommon to happen, considering thats not even the right video i wanted to find. humans are abusive and manipulative at core. Theyll use any advantage possible at any time for themselves only without caring how it affects others. The only way to stop this is to stop giving advantages to "special priority groups" and just balance them like the rest of the people

Sounds like you have it bad in the states, it's not like that here in the UK. People are generally more touchy and kissing a friend on the lips, hugging or putting your arm around someone is a polite gesture, it's even considered normal for a male to hug a male friends.

Well, to be fair, getting arrested is worse case scenario, however, yes, you do get called a creeper for simply saying hi to a girl, yes, if you were to just put your arm around a girl like that scenario described by the OP, usually the girl would tell all her friends and everyone she knows how you're a creep. Getting arrested is a one-off sorta chance, but the odds are high enough to make what the OP described risky.

Also, I'm surprised the usual feminist crew hasn't invaded this thread yet and called the OP a terrible example of womanhood or something for telling guys this perspective. I mean obviously I'm sure what she's saying does in fact apply to some girls, and it applied to her. Obviously, there is a huge difference between keeping your arm around a chair, and like, touching a private part, but the "no means no" does actually mean what it says. So if a girl does in fact say no, you must assume she means no. And culturally/legally, there's no room for error on the part of the guy, and you have to be very conservative.

But yeah, in USA, culture is changed somewhat by states, but at least where I am, women seem to have almost a siege mentality. With foreign women or even sometimes women from other states, I find interaction much easier, as you kinda can just talk to them like anyone else.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4hNaFkbZYU[/youtube]

What's REALLY disturbing is that about 9mos ago I dated (once) a supposedly-Christian woman who wanted something like this!
At the end of a nice 1st-date for coffee and nibbles, I walked her out to her car and kept one eye open to any cues about wanting a kiss or any kind of affection but didn't see any so we merely waved goodbye.

When we chatted again later that day she said there won't be a second date because I'm "not passionate enough". when asked what that meant she said she needed someone who will grab her "with authority" and just take her. "Passion and fire" she called it.

Right...

What's the worst that could happen?

1000Knives mentioned something I forgot.

The "creep" thing wouldn't be so bad if some women didn't gossip all the time. They think you're a creep, then they'll tell EVERYONE they know. Even over something as trivial as you saying hi to them.