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How to Not Be So Obsessive?

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zacb
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23 Nov 2013, 8:35 pm

I tend to get obsessive about many things, including my hobbies and dating. How do I stop this, while still showing emotion?



Thelibrarian
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23 Nov 2013, 8:35 pm

zacb wrote:
I tend to get obsessive about many things, including my hobbies and dating. How do I stop this, while still showing emotion?


Could you be more specific?



zacb
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23 Nov 2013, 8:36 pm

Well, I tend to obsess about a crush, and then when I am let down, I get depressed.



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23 Nov 2013, 8:40 pm

zacb wrote:
Well, I tend to obsess about a crush, and then when I am let down, I get depressed.


I understand; I used to be the same way. The only answer for me was toughening myself up, which means emotionally distancing myself the female in question. They aren't worth it, nor would most of them want us to be upset even if they want nothing to do with us.



zacb
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23 Nov 2013, 8:42 pm

So this posses a question: what is the proper conduct of an aspie?



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23 Nov 2013, 8:44 pm

zacb wrote:
So this posses a question: what is the proper conduct of an aspie?


To distance one's self emotionally, at least until we know the feelings are reciprocated. It should be added that things only have to work out once.



zacb
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23 Nov 2013, 8:46 pm

Are their exceptions, like foreigners ? lol



Thelibrarian
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23 Nov 2013, 8:49 pm

zacb wrote:
Are their exceptions, like foreigners ? lol


No, they sure don't. The way I try to look at women is as quarry I would fish or hunt for. They aren't mine until they reciprocate the feelings.



zacb
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23 Nov 2013, 8:52 pm

Ok. It is just tiring, and I wish it was more easy. Not trying to b***h, just saying. Its like, it seems like everyone does not fit.



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23 Nov 2013, 8:56 pm

zacb wrote:
Ok. It is just tiring, and I wish it was more easy. Not trying to b***h, just saying. Its like, it seems like everyone does not fit.


It's not easy. But if it makes you feel any better, after each failure, you should get better. I've had my best luck initially meeting women on the Internet. It helps to avoid the awkwardness upon first meeting since you already know each other somewhat.

Good luck.



zacb
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23 Nov 2013, 9:02 pm

Same. Only problem is the second date never comes. But I have had ok success with online. I think I need to move to a bigger area.



Thelibrarian
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23 Nov 2013, 9:05 pm

zacb wrote:
Same. Only problem is the second date never comes. But I have had ok success with online. I think I need to move to a bigger area.


How about just looking for somebody within, say, a hundred miles?



zacb
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23 Nov 2013, 9:07 pm

Well no car. But do you mean just to have a long distance relationship?



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23 Nov 2013, 9:10 pm

zacb wrote:
Well no car. But do you mean just to have a long distance relationship?


No, the only advantage to a long-distance relationship is that going farther out means a wider range of potential partners.



woodster
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23 Nov 2013, 9:13 pm

does anyone else find it annoying that you're obsessive to start and it gives one impression, but then as aspies we end up the complete opposite in the long run, requiring a lot of space and time on our own?

its so stupid. You appear intense and too interested to someone thats new and because of that you never get past that for them to see the really chilled out and space giving person that you really are.

Maybe try and remember what you're really like OP.



zacb
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23 Nov 2013, 9:15 pm

woodster wrote:
does anyone else find it annoying that you're obsessive to start and it gives one impression, but then as aspies we end up the complete opposite in the long run, requiring a lot of space and time on our own?

its so stupid. You appear intense and too interested to someone thats new and because of that you never get past that for them to see the really chilled out and space giving person that you really are.


Yep. I tend to be ying and yang. Don't know what to do about it.