manly men vs vulnerable effete men

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Aref women who date "vulnerable" guys common or do most women want a "manly man". Im somewhere in the middle but most guys seem to be way up towards the manly end

Last edited by Ectryon on 11 Sep 2014, 9:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't think it's quite so either/ or, but I wouldn't want someone attracted to me in a maternal sense. I want an equal partner, not another child.

no I meant the way some women want to "look after" guys not sure if thats pity actually XD

Some definitions:

Passive: Saying nothing, kind of the "I lose, You win" Scenario
Aggressive: In their face, more "I win, you lose"
Assertive: Stating you needs, "I win, you win" most of the time
Passive Aggressive: Adrien, saying nothing and then whining about it on WrongPlanet

edit: these are with regards to communication

I thought passive aggressive referred to people who are confrontational indirectly i.e by "making a stand". I guess im wondering
1) how do women define strong vs weak men is it just about taking charge and keeping cool under fire?
2) why do some women go for and seek out vulnerable guys who need "looking after"

You're all splitting hairs. Man or woman, no one truly knows what they want, everyone's different and we can't expect expectations themselves to align. This isn't black and white, everyone I know embodies elements of all the aforementioned categories, including myself. Passive aggression is only a natural response and from what I've seen, it dissipates in anyone with time. Things work out when people realize what's important is to take care of everyone.

We're all children. Maternal or paternal, everyone is biologically compelled to guide those around them towards the goals they perceive, I for one will accept the stigmatized image of a patriarch as it allows me to focus on work I see as valuable to everyone; the good news is that not everybody views men and women as diametrically opposed halves of our species.

what she's saying is she wants to be in a relationship with someone capable of providing them with equal support. There's no gender bias or polarising of the sexes there. Most people seem to have an instinctive sense of man vs woman. From what ive heard women on a instinctive level will resent en who wont take charge

"Manly" men are not actually invulnerable, they just don't show their vulnerability to their SO because they are quite well aware that it would be a turn off to most women.

Most women like it when a guy 'seems' confident, even if it's not actually the reality, a confident guy would give them that feeling of security that they really enjoy. confidence I would say is the biggest factor in male desirability, all that matters if if the women gets the feeling of security, which can be a total illusion.

The tragedy here is that men will learn 'hold it all in', something that I think really boasts their suicide rates, men will never talk about their insecurities for as long as women see it as inferior. This is probably something that also makes them good warriors as a soldier in the front line pissing and moaning will learn to shut it off.

But the 'manly' sort of man, is without a doubt much more desired, I don't think it's even a competition.

It's strange to me how marginalized instincts are in the context of modern society - I understand the consequences of telling women how I actually feel, but it's immeasurably easier to live knowing I've been accountable with those I love. Better to impart a sense that despite all the crazy stuff we do to one another, we're all still human and foster the idea that the people I love can get together and relax. I'm 100% aware that being a social aspie guy is weird, but my life is always simplified when I'm cognizant that everyone is acting on instinct, and the most powerful of all instincts is empathy. Passive communication is important for me, I believe everyone is in the process of returning to it. Communication in the active/aggressive sense isn't just taxing for aspies.

I would not exclude someone on those grounds and would rate other characteristics as more important (such as how ethical, common values)

however Im quite unsympathetic and harsh/blunt and strong willed and could make a untough person feel bad unintentionally. I would imagine NT women with all their empathy would be good at being a partner to a 'vulnerable/less manly' man

This is dependant on very many different and very personal things, you can't just mold an attraction profile for a group of people.

The only thing that all people share is biological attraction, and there I would say the manly man wins out on the average. But this is usually only short-termed and unconcious attraction, in the long term personality traits and personal values are what wins out. That is what we call the 'click' after the initial attraction, and that is completely different for every person. Sharing hobbies, interests, cultural values and personality traits is what makes people click.

This is a good way of putting it. And, it is probably different preference for every woman, from my experience.

I would be interested to see the ratios of preference for the above. Someone start a poll? (my bet is on assertive).

Good, but missing:

Avoidance: ignore the issue hoping it will go away
Compromise: negotiate something that will work for both parties

I'm an outwardly manly man. I have a beard, hairy arms and a hairy chest and my voice is fairly deep. I'm also on the tall side, and fairly muscular. At the same time I can be sensitive at times, and sometimes when I am all alone by myself I have even cried. It does not make me any less manly, but I too have moments of being vulnerable. Sometimes we all break a little, even the strongest of us. And sometimes someone who looks strong may not actually be strong on the inside. On the other side of the coin, some men who may appear weak and skinny physically may be very strong emotionally. People are too quick to judge a book by it's cover, but often it's all you can go by when you first meet someone. First impressions are easily made, but rarely 100% correct.

I want a man that is not afraid to show his emotion and show himself vulnerable, but I also want him to be confident and not labile. Someone that dares voice his problems, but that has the strength to fix them.
First impression wise: confident, but not and arrogant and dismissive dick.