Neurotypical:stamp out ex's distressing behaviour.

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My ex goes for months not talking to me then initiates or I initiate conversation.Then he pulls away.It hurts.I try to move on and forget then the cycle repeats.I don't want to block him out forever but this cycle is unsustainable.What can I do?
Most recently he contacted me after a year of silence, told me he was suicidal then did not return my email.

Well, hate to break it to you but it appears that you really only have three options and you probably won't like any of them.

1. Block him and end the cycle for good on your terms.

2. Send him a message saying how it's affecting you and ask him to refrain from doing this in the future. No guarantee of anything.

3. Continue cycle and prevent yourself from moving on.

If you don't want him contacting you and then ceasing contact again, why are you so hesitant to pull the plug yourself?

Block him out forever.

There is a reason why he's your 'Ex', and that reason alone is enough to make him not worth the pain.

You deserve better.

Maybe you could could congradulate him on overcoming his fear of death and hint that other people aren't nearly as scary. Clearly your wording must depend on what actually went on in your lives and I'd bet the pain will subside when you both find new friends and/or create lasting peace.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

The obvious.
1) I care immensely for him
2) I don't want to leave him without a friend.
3)I don't want him to kill himself.

Who did the breaking up and why?

why does he pull away?

Him.He was depressed.

I don't know why he pulls away.I've seen him make a lot of friends.Those people invest years in being his friend but he always sees conflict that is not significant and pulls away.I've never seen him try to resolve a conflict once he felt there was some wrong doing (usually he has just lookee at something from an overtly anxious point of view).

You are not his keeper, and you can not change his behavior.

You can only change your behavior. I think you should cut him off completely and get on with living your own life, and stop trying to live his.

I think you know what needs to be done and simply are unwilling to do it. Been there and done that. Just because you care greatly for somebody doesn't mean keeping those doors open is a good idea.

I would block him without saying any final words to him or anything of the sort, especially if he is potentially indeed at a very low point in life. Looking at the facts presented he hadn't contacted you for a year, dumped some heavy stuff onto you, and then never messaged you back. There is no respect there and you deserve to move on... Completely move on.

You're in a rough spot.

I think you believe the guy's sincere. And I believe you are patiently waiting to get over his depression.

And it seems as if you really, really like the guy, if not love him.

In truth, though.....I would try to seek someone else.

It seems straight forward.I've already dated and I'll keep trying but this is so hard.He knows he has problems in dealing with conflict and as of a month ago he is seeing a therapist to help him.The reality is for all the strong will in the world he lives next door.If he hurts himself by having conflict with someone else (often one of my family members) I hear about it.If he kills himself I will know.Actually as much as I don't want to if he does almost anything I will know.

It's nice that you're a healer.

But please...don't feel guilty if the guy commits suicide. It's not your fault. You didn't cause him to do it.

It seems as if you're communicating in some way--which is good.

But you really are not responsible for the actions of another adult.

Thank you to everyone that has posted.I've needed to hear what has been said tonight.

Good luck to you....and to him.