Sexual favors in exchange for gift ?

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Chagrine
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18 Jul 2015, 12:36 am

I'm an NT and my aspie lover asked for a birthday gift; he specified which book he wants me to give him. I explained I had another idea of gift for him, and that I'd rather offer something I had chosen and that I thought he would like; not just pay for the book he would buy anyway if I didn't get it for him.
He has been very insistant, saying he wants that book and nothing else. I was reluctant giving in as I feel this is not a real gift. Of course he would ne happy... But I'd rather give him something more personal.
Since he kept insisting, and I kept saying no, he said he would do me X (I don't believe it necessary to specify what exactly it is he offered; it was sexual) for a specific number of minutes. But the thing it's something he would do anyway, and that he likes.

I just don't get why he would seriously propose such a deal. He was actually serious.

Any thoughts ?



Fnord
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18 Jul 2015, 7:18 am

Give him the gift he wants. Otherwise, this is just another instance of an NT imposing his or her will upon an Aspie (do you really want to be that person?), and nothing good can devolve from that.



kraftiekortie
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18 Jul 2015, 7:29 am

A gift is something a recipient desires, not what the giver desires

Maybe give the other gift on the next holiday?

As for the sexual favor: that's sorta unromantic, to say the least.



Spiderpig
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18 Jul 2015, 7:48 am

That's what you get for talking about gifts beforehand.


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Peacesells
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18 Jul 2015, 8:08 am

I don't agree that the gift is something the giver asks. It's not Christmas. It often is intended as something the receiver has not idea about, and it is also understandable that you want it to be a personal thought for your boyfriend. I don't know what to tell you anyway, I agree with kraftie that what he says is really unromantic and out of context. Maybe he thinks he can change your mind with that.

Also no need for Aspie VS NT drama here, this is trivial stuff and happens all the time ad everywhere (except for the sexual favour part).



Chagrine
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18 Jul 2015, 8:15 am

Thank you for tout replies.

@Fnord
I get your point, but don't you think it's actually the opposite that is happening right now ? My lover is the one who started the discussion about what he wants for his birthday and he brought up the topic about 14 times over the day. I believe the "imposing" is being done the other way around.
@Kraftiekortie
When someone asks for a gift (not answering "what would you like as a gift ?", but saying "I want this") is it really a gift that's being made ?
@Spiderpig
He is the one who begged for a gift. I don't think à gift ia something you beg for.



Chagrine
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18 Jul 2015, 8:19 am

@Peacesells
Thank you for you reply,
I supossed the gift part was not specific to NT/Aspie quarrels, but having little experience in relationships, it's hard to tell !
But then again it's the sexual favor part (as you pointed out yourself) that made me wonder if it was something some Aspies might be more, say, straighforward about.



RetroGamer87
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18 Jul 2015, 8:30 am

OP, what have you got against books?


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kraftiekortie
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18 Jul 2015, 8:41 am

It was crass of him to ask for the gift in this way, I agree.

However, a true gift is still that which the receiver desires. It would be nice if he regarded what you bought him as a gift; I certainly would.

I believe in the concept of "it's the thought that counts."



kraftiekortie
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18 Jul 2015, 9:09 am

lol.....cute screen name, by the way



Peacesells
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18 Jul 2015, 9:14 am

Chagrine wrote:
@Peacesells
Thank you for you reply,
I supossed the gift part was not specific to NT/Aspie quarrels, but having little experience in relationships, it's hard to tell !
But then again it's the sexual favor part (as you pointed out yourself) that made me wonder if it was something some Aspies might be more, say, straighforward about.

Yes don't worry, the NT/Aspie part was not addressed at you. :)



Spiderpig
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18 Jul 2015, 9:52 am

Chagrine wrote:
@Spiderpig
He is the one who begged for a gift. I don't think à gift ia something you beg for.


Me neither.


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Marcia
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18 Jul 2015, 1:15 pm

My own feeling on gifts is that they are freely given, and most definitely not to be expected, far less demanded. The whole situation as you describe it seems very strange to me, and if I were the OP this guy more than likely wouldn't be getting any gift from me at all as a result of his behaviour.



The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Jul 2015, 3:03 pm

What?



Fnord
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18 Jul 2015, 3:24 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
... a true gift is still that which the receiver desires...
THIS, for the win!

kraftiekortie wrote:
I believe in the concept of "it's the thought that counts."
Even if the gift implies that the thought behind it is "I really don't give a damn what you want"?



nurseangela
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18 Jul 2015, 3:31 pm

I think he has the wrong idea of what a gift is really for according to "NT" standards. He probably has seen it several times like on tv that women get gifts and the men miraculously get sex because they gave the gift. I'd give him the book he wants and explain that you don't want sex from him - you're giving it because you love him and because of that you don't expect anything in return other than he enjoys his gift.


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