Romantic loneliness in men

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After a recent experience I have been thinking about the impact of relationship related loneliness on men, and Im curious to know what aspects of romantic companionship the WP chaps desire?

It's really sweet of Amity to ask this question.

I feel that Amity is quite sincere in this. I hope guys will chime in.

When I was in my 20's, I was quite lonely. I had many short-term relationships which didn't work out. I'm fortunate that nothing really serious happened to me. I was lucky that I was naïve---but there was a side of me which was wary, too. I would have went with any woman in those days. I'm fortunate that, at least, I had some street smarts.

I felt lonely in an aching sense. I even almost went to a prostitute. This was around 1986. I actually took a prostitute to the movies--but I thought of her as a friend. We came back to her shack (yes, it was a shack in the middle of Brighton Beach, Brooklyn). We fooled around a little bit. But I decided not to go further. We remained friends for maybe a year afterwards. She wasn't a bad sort, really.

It is a genuine question, I think sometimes that men are dehumanised by particular labels.
A guy I work with was flirting with me for a while, it was a bit awkward, but I came to the conclusion that he is simply a man experiencing loneliness, and there is nothing sinister about him, my initial reaction was to imagine the worst though.

I want a best friend and life-long partner in one. Someone who sees me as the most important person in the world, and that I will value equally. This is why things like one-night stands or prostitutes would be a complete waste of my time.

^^ Was he married? Did he have children? if he was old and unmarried then chances that no one of his extended family cares much about him.


Many of us who would die old and unmarried are likely to end up like him.

I'm a 22 year old guy who's pretty sure he has Aspergers, but is DEFINITELY sure that he has a very difficult time "connecting" to people. It's been a serious issue my whole life, & has resulted in me developing some pretty severe emotional issues. Severe depression, extreme thought processes, mood instabilities, "universal trust issues"; there's a lot, & it's not fun. However, these issues have also turned me into an extremely empathetic & caring person (which might constitute me not actually having aspergers, although besides that I strongly have every other common symptom); one who loves very deeply & strongly, & so I guess my answer to your question would be this:

More than anything in the entire world, I would love to meet a girl who simply understood many of the things that I experience. It's sheer fantasy, but I absolutely revel at the idea of there existing a girl who truly knows a reasonable amount of the pain that I know; & one who chose to deal with it in a way that made their heart as big as I feel that mine is. That's the most important thing; I want to be with someone who values people in the way that I do, who both knows how to love deeply & who appreciates being loved deeply.

However, here are some other traits I would like & appreciate to be present in a SO (if possible):

- a good grasp on logic, & an ability to accurately & comfortably/openly express their emotions in a way that isn't TOO externally destructive
- a healthy balance between wanting to give attention/affection & being able to accept that which is given to them; I'm all about give & take, & being strong but fluid in those regards
- someone who has passionate hobbies/interests of their own to keep them busy, so that even if we don't share a ton of them (my interests & hobbies are all very dude-y, the biggest one being complicated metal music, so I don't really expect to meet a girl who's into it or anything else I'm into) we can enjoy each other's company while not having to do anything "together". The way I picture it is where I'm sitting there playing guitar, & she's in the same room as me; doing her writing or painting, something like that. We could very well not talk for hours, but rest assured that wehen we do it would be the best.

& I guess that's all for now.

I at best have very superficial connections with other people.
In relationships I have been let down, and let down girls.

I don't know if I even want a girlfriend any more or to make a physical or even emotional bond.
I do really like the idea of a girl secretly crushing on me, and vice versa, and also the idea of this unravelling into a more private and fulfilling connection. Though this is just an idea..and while it's fun to daydream between all the work and social time, the reality of such a thing is probably far less exciting.

I'm a very private, guarded person. What more can I say.

When I was younger, I had a real hard time connecting with the opposite sex, I still do. I have had some success in the love department and have had long term relationships in the past and is currently married.
I still get bouts of loneliness and ennui, which may come from depression more than anything else.
The biggest problem that I see in myself is often I can be very selfish. I get upset when people treat poorly, especially women, but am not too keen on looking on how I treat people in a similar manner or worst. It took a lot to work on myself and think of others and even when I do not want to. This helped ALOT with my marriage and it was very tough especially when my default was to basically do what I want to do when I want to do it.
Death is a hard thing for people to deal with, and people deal with it differently. As a person who went to a few funerals for children it really sucks having to deal with the emotion of that and a lot of people simply don't, they ignore it like it did not happen. I do not know how I would handle the death of my wife, the one who is keeping me relatively stable, or my kids.
For the guy with the friend who found out that she had a boyfriend. I hear you, that sucks, I have had similar situations only that the girls I went out with had no interest in me, one time I took this girl out to a concert and got a another guys phone number and proceeded to tell me about her feelings for him.
I would encourage you to continue talking to her, as a friend, with the understanding that it will not end up as anything more. You may build your confidence and she might give you pointers how to improve your game.