Why is everyone so obsessed with serious relationships?

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DevilKisses
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03 May 2016, 2:13 pm

I'm not looking for a serious or deep relationship. I just want to date someone I'm physically attracted to and would have a good time with. I don't care if it won't last forever. I don't care if they're not my soulmate. I don't care if they accept the "real me."
I just notice that when I act like myself I attract sh***y people. What's wrong with changing myself a bit so I can attract a good short-term partner?


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hurtloam
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03 May 2016, 2:28 pm

Because finding one person that is interested in me is so stressful. I don't want to have to go through this over and over again. I want someone I feel comfortable with who I can rely on.

I tend to fall deeply too and get quite attached when I do. I don't like losing people I care about.

I want someone to share the things I enjoy with.



DevilKisses
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03 May 2016, 2:53 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Because finding one person that is interested in me is so stressful. I don't want to have to go through this over and over again. I want someone I feel comfortable with who I can rely on.

I tend to fall deeply too and get quite attached when I do. I don't like losing people I care about.

I want someone to share the things I enjoy with.

I understand why other people want serious relationships. I just don't get it when tell me not to change myself. Everyone says it ruins long term relationships. I agree that it does, but why do they have to assume that's what I'm looking for? I'm only 19. Why would I want to be looking for a future wife?


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hurtloam
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03 May 2016, 3:05 pm

Because you could end up getting hurt pretending to be someone you're not. Or you could hurt someone else when they find out you weren't who you really said you were.

It's up to you what you want to do, but there may be consequences you haven't thought about.



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04 May 2016, 5:58 pm

We all have to put our best foot forward when meeting someone for the first time- going for a job interview, etc. First impressions do count! I wouldn't encourage you to change who you are, but definitely bring out the more "socially acceptable" aspects of yourself in the beginning. Nothing wrong with that! As long as you are not completely trying to represent yourself as something you are not.

As for me, I can relate to what you are saying. i have never wanted a serious relationship. When I look around at all the people in serious relationships, they just seem miserable and pointless. I have always wanted a long term friendship/companionship, if that makes any sense. I'm not a very romantic person and those things make me uncomfortable. I would rather do fun things together, enjoy life and have a good time. I absolutely detest weddings as well! So unnecessary.

And don't worry about trying to change yourself a little bit at the beginning. You will come to discover that your partner is not all that great as they made themselves out to be either. (Not saying you are not a great person!) After a while, cracks start to show and people start to reveal their true selves. It's just a matter of whether people will still accept you at that point, and if you can deal with the possible rejection, then by all means, change your approach.



nurseangela
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04 May 2016, 6:02 pm

I think as one gets older they want a more serious relationship ending in possible marriage. You may not want one yet because you are young. I didn't think about those things either when I was in my early 20's.


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Alliekit
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04 May 2016, 6:05 pm

Could you imagine the upset if it was suggested that someone who wanted a relationship was only looking for hook ups. They might take offense.

In a way it's easier to assume relationship cause people who want hook ups probably won't be offended.

I have no idea if I just made sense. It's late :'(



TheSpectrum
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04 May 2016, 6:07 pm

Alliekit wrote:
Could you imagine the upset if it was suggested that someone who wanted a relationship was only looking for hook ups. They might take offense.

In a way it's easier to assume relationship cause people who want hook ups probably won't be offended.

I have no idea if I just made sense. It's late :'(


I think that makes sense. It is kinder to give people a benefit of a doubt even if you believe their intentions are not sincere. There are probably a lot of people who don't really care about serious relationships but tell themselves or others that they do in order to avoid ego bruising, and the stigma of being associated with depravity.


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DevilKisses
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04 May 2016, 7:36 pm

I wouldn't say I'm exactly looking for a hookup. I just want to date someone I enjoy spending time with. Someone I can actually be passionate about. Most of the people who are interested in someone like me aren't people I can be passionate about. When I'm older and looking for a long term partner things will probably be different. My "true self" will be someone who's worth loving. I'll also be able to attract people who will actually be attractive to me. With my current personality I just can't attract anyone who's attractive.


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Alliekit
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04 May 2016, 7:59 pm

DevilKisses wrote:
I wouldn't say I'm exactly looking for a hookup. I just want to date someone I enjoy spending time with. Someone I can actually be passionate about. Most of the people who are interested in someone like me aren't people I can be passionate about. When I'm older and looking for a long term partner things will probably be different. My "true self" will be someone who's worth loving. I'll also be able to attract people who will actually be attractive to me. With my current personality I just can't attract anyone who's attractive.


Personally I just like hanging out with people I can be myself around. I've done my time of acting like someone else and it was so very tiring and depressing.



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05 May 2016, 6:29 am

Yeah, potential partners with your mentality go on my "avoid at all costs" list very quickly. If you want a shallow and meaningless short-term relationship, then all the power to you. You may have difficulty finding the right person though.



DevilKisses
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05 May 2016, 7:23 am

Sabreclaw wrote:
Yeah, potential partners with your mentality go on my "avoid at all costs" list very quickly. If you want a shallow and meaningless short-term relationship, then all the power to you. You may have difficulty finding the right person though.

I think a lot of people my age want a shallow and meaningless relationship.
The point of looking for a short term relationship is not having to worry about finding the right person. It seems like most people my age want that type of relationship anyways.


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Sabreclaw
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05 May 2016, 7:55 am

DevilKisses wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
Yeah, potential partners with your mentality go on my "avoid at all costs" list very quickly. If you want a shallow and meaningless short-term relationship, then all the power to you. You may have difficulty finding the right person though.

I think a lot of people my age want a shallow and meaningless relationship.
The point of looking for a short term relationship is not having to worry about finding the right person. It seems like most people my age want that type of relationship anyways.


Well I'm only 20 and I don't want that kind of relationship. I think that the right person will be well worth the worry. Why waste your youth on people that won't truly care about you?



DevilKisses
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05 May 2016, 8:53 am

Sabreclaw wrote:
DevilKisses wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
Yeah, potential partners with your mentality go on my "avoid at all costs" list very quickly. If you want a shallow and meaningless short-term relationship, then all the power to you. You may have difficulty finding the right person though.

I think a lot of people my age want a shallow and meaningless relationship.
The point of looking for a short term relationship is not having to worry about finding the right person. It seems like most people my age want that type of relationship anyways.


Well I'm only 20 and I don't want that kind of relationship. I think that the right person will be well worth the worry. Why waste your youth on people that won't truly care about you?

Why waste your youth looking for the "right person?" I think it's incredibly naive to think you'll find the right person at this age. I'm self-aware enough to know that there isn't a right person for me right now. It doesn't mean I can't have some fun in the meantime.


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alex
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05 May 2016, 10:21 am

DevilKisses wrote:
Why waste your youth looking for the "right person?" I think it's incredibly naive to think you'll find the right person at this age. I'm self-aware enough to know that there isn't a right person for me right now. It doesn't mean I can't have some fun in the meantime.


People change a lot so even if you find someone who is perfect for you now, you two may not be compatible by the time you're in your mid 20s or 30s.

I think there's nothing wrong with your approach. In fact I think you have a very healthy attitude.


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ZD
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05 May 2016, 10:53 am

I only wanted serious relationships at your age and I did meet the person I eventually married when I was 20 not that was intentional just happened now separated but that's not relevant.

I think sex is better anyway when you know the person. Is someone who wants a hook up that interested in pleasing the person their with or know how to properly? I can't see why they would.

But it's your life do what you think best ;)


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