"We met at the supermarket."

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ThisAdamGuy
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28 Aug 2016, 5:46 pm

I've done some research on dating, and I'm genuinely surprised by how many people say they met their significant other by chance while grocery shopping. I don't know why, but that idea just strikes me as hilarious. Hilarious, and extremely far fetched. Maybe I'm the minority, but the grocery story has always struck me as the place where you go and avoid try to avoid eye contact with all the strangers who are there with you. You don't talk to them, because why would you? You don't know them. You don't know who they are, what they're into, or if you have any common interests. Pretty much nothing makes me more uncomfortable than when a complete stranger tries to make me talk to them. Then again, I'm hardly what you would call social. I still can't wrap my head around the idea of meeting your future boyfriend/girlfriend at Walmart, or wherever you get your groceries. Is this really a thing that happens, or are people just BS-ing us?


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nurseangela
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28 Aug 2016, 5:56 pm

I've tried to tell people this but they won't listen to me. If there is any place that I have talked to people the most (and I mean men), it is the grocery store - and I hardly talk to anyone when I'm out.


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28 Aug 2016, 6:11 pm

Back years ago, it seemed like suddenly that advice was all the rage, yes. Another one was the bookstore.

As with anything, anyplace or any person though, choose wisely your person and your moment. Not everyone will feel comfortable with this, while others will.

Personally even though it does seem like a nice thing and a good idea for meeting new potential dates or partners, I personally would feel uncomfortable. I tend to want to just focus on my purpose for being there. A few times guys seemed to be targeting me in the supermarket and to be honest I was in no mood for it -- it can be an environment I just want to be practical about and then get out and get home. I'm in a mindset to just be left alone and deal with my shopping, personally. Not everyone will feel that way, so, it's something to have to figure out.



BTDT
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28 Aug 2016, 7:13 pm

Grocery stores have changed--not only are there too many choices, but just because you know want doesn't mean you can find it--it may have been discontinued or "improved." Or they change the packaging to something totally unfamiliar. It can be a challenge to find what you want.



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28 Aug 2016, 8:34 pm

Are American grocery stores so different that they don't feel like a rushy, hustle and bustle through and past slow elderly people, rowdy teenagers, rude fast walkers not afraid to bump all that stand in their way, having to watch out for random little kids running into your way, and anyone else?

Aren't they extremely brightly artificially lit, always at least slightly over-crowded and surprisingly noisy due to all the people, constant machines beeping and moderate background music being drowned out in a sea of incoherent noise?

Because there's really no such thing as a quiet, relaxed and low-key supermarket here, unless you're shopping at a small special kind of mart like an organic foods store or Vitamins store.

Even when the supermarkets here are quiet empty, it doesn't make much of a difference.

Cheap shops/thrift stores though are always a much more quiet/peaceful environment equal probably to bookstores in peace and slow-paceness.

Anyway, even if you were social OP, do you really think you could navigate the hustle and bustle of supermarkets?

And even if you decide you'll instead approach to speak to women in thrift stores, good luck finding anyone in these stores not over 50, under 18, childless or even unmarried!



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28 Aug 2016, 8:57 pm

Yeah, I don't intend to start trying, haha. I just wondered if this was something that actually happened, or if we were all being collectively pranked.


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28 Aug 2016, 9:29 pm

To me it's a little like two people saying they met at a nightclub.

Not only does it sound like bogus, but it doesn't sound like a healthy way to begin a relationship anyway.

"So how'd you guys meet?"

"We met in a dark, sleazy nightclub at 2am. We were both very drunk and he just came up and started grinding on me from behind out of nowhere. We exchanged numbers and here we are today."

vs.

"I had just got back from the hospital and was a complete mess. Tired and hungry, I had to buy the groceries for the week before getting back to my apartment. Some stranger approached me with a cheesy pick-up line. I was in a rush, moving very quickly, but also very out-of-it and barely focusing on what I was doing when it came to picking items off the shelves. He was very nice though and I liked him, so I gave him my number even if I made a fool out of myself. And here we are today."



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28 Aug 2016, 10:55 pm

Outrider wrote:
"We met in a dark, sleazy nightclub at 2am. We were both very drunk and he just came up and started grinding on me from behind out of nowhere. We exchanged numbers and here we are today."

vs.

"I had just got back from the hospital and was a complete mess. Tired and hungry, I had to buy the groceries for the week before getting back to my apartment. Some stranger approached me with a cheesy pick-up line...
Very true. I think that "we met at a supermarket" is one of those quaint meeting stories that refuses to go away. Kind of like the pick-up line: "Hey, baby, can I buy you a drink?"

Nowadays, the meeting story is probably more like this.

"I was lonely and bored, so I created a Tinder profile. I went through 200 men, and swiped right on 10 of them. I exchanged messages with those men, met for drinks with the alpha-est one, and ghosted the rest. And here we are today."



nurseangela
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28 Aug 2016, 11:13 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
Outrider wrote:
"We met in a dark, sleazy nightclub at 2am. We were both very drunk and he just came up and started grinding on me from behind out of nowhere. We exchanged numbers and here we are today."

vs.

"I had just got back from the hospital and was a complete mess. Tired and hungry, I had to buy the groceries for the week before getting back to my apartment. Some stranger approached me with a cheesy pick-up line...
Very true. I think that "we met at a supermarket" is one of those quaint meeting stories that refuses to go away. Kind of like the pick-up line: "Hey, baby, can I buy you a drink?"

Nowadays, the meeting story is probably more like this.

"I was lonely and bored, so I created a Tinder profile. I went through 200 men, and swiped right on 10 of them. I exchanged messages with those men, met for drinks with the alpha-est one, and ghosted the rest. And here we are today."


Or the same as getting on a dating web site which is just like a meat market.


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29 Aug 2016, 12:25 am

I have a family member who met their spouse at the market. People occasionally talk to me at the market...though usually old ladies commenting on the fruit, but I once had two or three guys ask me about artichokes.

ThisAdamGuy wrote:
I've done some research on dating, and I'm genuinely surprised by how many people say they met their significant other by chance while grocery shopping. I don't know why, but that idea just strikes me as hilarious. Hilarious, and extremely far fetched. Maybe I'm the minority, but the grocery story has always struck me as the place where you go and avoid try to avoid eye contact with all the strangers who are there with you. You don't talk to them, because why would you? You don't know them. You don't know who they are, what they're into, or if you have any common interests. Pretty much nothing makes me more uncomfortable than when a complete stranger tries to make me talk to them. Then again, I'm hardly what you would call social. I still can't wrap my head around the idea of meeting your future boyfriend/girlfriend at Walmart, or wherever you get your groceries. Is this really a thing that happens, or are people just BS-ing us?



The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Aug 2016, 12:36 am

Aspie1 wrote:
Outrider wrote:
"We met in a dark, sleazy nightclub at 2am. We were both very drunk and he just came up and started grinding on me from behind out of nowhere. We exchanged numbers and here we are today."

vs.

"I had just got back from the hospital and was a complete mess. Tired and hungry, I had to buy the groceries for the week before getting back to my apartment. Some stranger approached me with a cheesy pick-up line...
Very true. I think that "we met at a supermarket" is one of those quaint meeting stories that refuses to go away. Kind of like the pick-up line: "Hey, baby, can I buy you a drink?"

Nowadays, the meeting story is probably more like this.

"I was lonely and bored, so I created a Tinder profile. I went through 200 men, and swiped right on 10 of them. I exchanged messages with those men, met for drinks with the alpha-est one, and ghosted the rest. And here we are today."


"... and then I went on internet forums and told the guys who are complaining that it's not true online dating sucks and useless for men because my boyfriend made it".



The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Aug 2016, 2:14 am

ThisAdamGuy wrote:
Yeah, I don't intend to start trying, haha. I just wondered if this was something that actually happened, or if we were all being collectively pranked.



They're probably not telling the whole story and there's more to it, I think it's a very unrealistic setting to meet people, especially for men.

I am gonna be very gender-specific here: I think the only way the supermarket works is when the woman initiates interest in the man:

Woman to Man.

NOT Man to Woman.

Clear enough?

- the other way around is too risky, too awkward, too prone to be called out creepy, and there's a lot of security guards in supermarkets who watch for any suspicious activity and if the woman is too paranoid you may be unfairly accused of harassment (and here I am assuming you are a totally decent guy who won't say any sexual/harassing things or any inappropriate behaviors) ...so it's not worth it for the men to try this, not worth it at all. On the other hand, men are way less likely to be paranoid to be approached like this and very unlikely that they would call out the women showing interest in them as creepy or harassers.

So for men, just do your regular shopping in groceries, no action is required from you at all.

This is true for all kinds of cold approach.



nurseangela
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29 Aug 2016, 2:55 am

I disagree. Too risky my ass. It's "risky" for women too, then. I'm tired of hearing this BS that men have it just so much harder. Whaaa! It must suck to be you, Boo.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Aug 2016, 3:13 am

nurseangela wrote:
I disagree. Too risky my ass. It's "risky" for women too, then. I'm tired of hearing this BS that men have it just so much harder. Whaaa! It must suck to be you, Boo.


Yes, just look at me in my glass jar.



Sabreclaw
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29 Aug 2016, 3:22 am

Walking around a supermarket, hitting on women. That's a good way to be seen as the local creep.



nurseangela
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29 Aug 2016, 3:32 am

Sabreclaw wrote:
Walking around a supermarket, hitting on women. That's a good way to be seen as the local creep.


And just where do you think you would meet DECENT women to date that you would normally never meet? You got some brilliant ideas?


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Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.