Something girls do(or say) that doesn't make sense
Being male(and autistic), I can relate to being "friend zoned". It's happened a few times to me, and when I persisted, I was treated like a stalker(it hurts and I never spoke to them again). Ladies, I understand that you don't want to tread on feelings(because some of you know how it feels), but why are you so delicate to us? Telling us what's wrong isn't being mean, it's being honest. The only thing you hurt is our pride, we'll recover. It's not a gun shot, it's a paper cut. A better analogy: let's say you bought Beats by Dr. Dre. You loved them and would definitely recommend them to someone else, but one day you went with Bose or JBL. Say they asked why you went with JBL or Bose, would you tell them the same thing you tell guys that you reject? Probably not. You would tell them what you liked and didn't like about Beats...and they would take your info and improve the product. Don't try to convince them you're not a mean person. The game is fixed. You're mean, no matter what you say or do. Besides, you telling them what they're doing wrong will just help them grow, so...yeah. Tomorrow's Valentine's Day, so this post would be appropriate, for the occasion.
*If this comes off as nasty, I apologize. I'm still kinda new at this.
androbot01
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Joined: 17 Sep 2014
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,746
Location: Kingston, Ontario, Canada
Because sometimes the answer is "I prefered that but there was no logoal reason in behind it and I don't know myself". Sometimes you could be the perfect guy but the feeling just isnt there and then you feel bad because it truly isn't something about them in particular you just don't have feelings for them.
There isn't always a logical explanation and it's difficult trying to explain that you don't like someone that way just because. Also some guys don't accept that as a reason.
*If this comes off as nasty, I apologize. I'm still kinda new at this.
Girls and women try to let boys and men they are not interested in down lightly for a few reasons.
1. Society's expectations of how girls should act. Girls are constantly told to be nice and warm, and condemned a lot more than males when they aren't.
2. Misplaced empathy. They reject guys in the manner they would like guys to reject them.
3. Safety. Some guys take rejection very poorly, and unfortunately can turn violent when a girl or woman rejects them, or they perceive has rejected them.
BetwixtBetween
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Joined: 25 Feb 2014
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,543
Location: Mostly in my head
1. Society's expectations of how girls should act. Girls are constantly told to be nice and warm, and condemned a lot more than males when they aren't.
2. Misplaced empathy. They reject guys in the manner they would like guys to reject them.
3. Safety. Some guys take rejection very poorly, and unfortunately can turn violent when a girl or woman rejects them, or they perceive has rejected them.
All of that.
*If this comes off as nasty, I apologize. I'm still kinda new at this.
You're assuming that there's something wrong in the first place. The few times I've rejected men is not because there's anything fundamentally wrong with them, but something about them is incompatible with me. Or I'm not attracted to them. Learning that they're just not attracted to you will not help you any. And unless you plan on going for girls with the same preferences over and over, say, girls who prefer that guys are neat, then being neater isn't going to help you. As for me, I rejected my best friend because I can't see myself sharing a life with him. Because he only eats meat and carbs, and it's a well known fact that families tend to be healthy, or unhealthy, together. I don't see myself being able to change him to suit me, nor do I see myself willing to change myself to suit him.
He suggested that we can date casually. And I said well, no, because you're my best friend. I'm not about to jeopardize our friendship for a casual relationship. I will jeopardize it for a lifelong relationship because I already love you and don't want to lose you, but it's not in the cards. I think if you're rejected it's just best to assume that you're not compatible and move on.
jrjones9933
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Joined: 13 May 2011
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,144
Location: The end of the northwest passage
I don't think you'll get much superior feedback from men who dislike you. You just won't care as much; it's a people thing, more than a woman thing. If you find someone who gives you honest, caring feedback, make them your best friend.
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"I find that the best way [to increase self-confidence] is to lie to yourself about who you are, what you've done, and where you're going." - Richard Ayoade
jrjones9933
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Joined: 13 May 2011
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,144
Location: The end of the northwest passage
jrjones9933
Veteran
Joined: 13 May 2011
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,144
Location: The end of the northwest passage
*If this comes off as nasty, I apologize. I'm still kinda new at this.
Girls and women try to let boys and men they are not interested in down lightly for a few reasons.
1. Society's expectations of how girls should act. Girls are constantly told to be nice and warm, and condemned a lot more than males when they aren't.
2. Misplaced empathy. They reject guys in the manner they would like guys to reject them.
3. Safety. Some guys take rejection very poorly, and unfortunately can turn violent when a girl or woman rejects them, or they perceive has rejected them.
I agree. Also, I tend to be really honest when I reject someone or break up with someone, and the main problem is when the rebuttal is "I don't see it like that". My last rejection / breakup was due to me deeply feeling that we were not compatible, and an inability to relax and be comfortable around him that had, as far as I could tell, nothing really to do with anything in particular he was doing. I told him all that, only to receive a "I don't think we're not compatible". Uhm, Ok, so should I change my mind only because "you" think that way? I see that very often men simply don't accept whichever reason women give them, and assume they're not telling the truth by default.
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Really enjoyed being a yellow-throated woodpecker while it lasted.
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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 139 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 67 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)
Could you make a thread one day about what you mean by ND dating because it really confuses me what you mean. I don't see how you can avoid rejection or verbal communication when dating. Rejection is a fact of life.
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