AngelRho wrote:
What do you mean by love? For me, love is an action, a choice. It’s what you do, not what you feel. Feelings are dynamic. You can fall in and out of love several times a day because you can’t control your emotions. You can be married 50 years and get a divorce because you don’t love your partner anymore. Feelings are fickle and fading. Never trust your affection and attraction. It can fool you and break your heart fast.
Now...do I have feelings for my SO? Yes. Do my feelings motivate me to behave positively towards my SO? Yes. Do I have a constant raging fire deep in my soul for her? No. And keeping that level of positive energy in the face of all that life throws you is exhausting. You only have just so much to offer, and at some point you’ll find yourself completely drained. You end up making sacrifices you can’t afford and end up losing yourself (and the girl if you’re not careful). You need a balance of highs and lows. And that means you won’t always “have feelings” for someone. Doesn’t mean you have to break up. It just means you need your own personal space and time to rest and create that balance.
Choice and action are the heartbeat of the relationship. Sending roses, texting a joke, complimenting her wardrobe or hairstyle, encouraging her work or creative activity, and so on. Crying with her when she’s sad, celebrating with her when things go well. THAT is love, IMO. Those are choices you can make every day at any time. And there doesn’t HAVE to be a feeling behind it. Your motivations are your own, but the result is always the same. Take care of a person’s needs and desires and you have love. Feelings may precede or follow actions or not, but anything done to one’s benefit or to positively enhance one’s well-being is love.
Would I prefer feelings accompany actions? Sure.
I actually really like that, of course I wouldn't probably want my boyfriend to cry with me, unless it was something that was upsetting to us both, but for grief to do with stuff I've gone through without him I certainly prefer to let loose and cry about it when I am alone like when he is at work or already asleep. Like I prefer the whole listen to some music that sort of brings me back and crying my eyes out when no one is looking that is how I prefer to deal with personal sadness. But yeah I mean sometimes I get moody and don't feel like 'loving' anyone but once that passes there is still me and my boyfriend sticking together through any struggle that comes before us, because we are both making the effort to make a life together. Like yeah if we gave up on each other we would fall out of love and break up but with continuous effort from both sides to make it work we're doing well. But yeah sure we fell in love on the first date, but without continuous effort from both of us to keep a good relationship that would not have lasted. I mean initial romance is all brain chemistry...but to make it real both parties have to agree to 'love' each other and work together to keep that love strong. I don't think the chemistry aspect makes it any less meaningful...but it does mean you have to establish a good relationship before that initial elated feeling of finding a new romantic partner wears off.
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Tis the time to melt the Ice.
17 Mar 2018, 9:09 pm
