How do guys explain being demisexual?

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cberg
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15 May 2018, 8:37 pm

I'm only attracted to women who I really go back with. There's just no warming up to new people.

Is there some beat way I can explain myself? I need to tell someone how unique she is to me in that I actually trust her.


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nick007
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15 May 2018, 8:48 pm

I'm sort of demisexual & I say I'm not interested in sex with anyone outside of a serious romantic realtionship.


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cberg
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15 May 2018, 9:07 pm

Well that's one way but I'm more looking to explain someone's significance to me in that sense.


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SabbraCadabra
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16 May 2018, 6:55 am

Just link them to the Wikipedia article? I don't know.

The whole concept of "demisexual" is pretty new to me, so I haven't really had to explain it to anyone. It did explain why I wasn't into my GF anymore, but I didn't think that telling her that would have made her feel better.


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TheSpectrum
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16 May 2018, 6:58 am

I think it's a case of sex and love only being parallel in your world when the love component leans towards something spiritual and intensely romantic.

How you put those into tangible words that won't freak someone out? Dunno, man.
I've been wrestling with that for a very long time, often preferring not to bother with relationships at all.

Just say you're more romantically inclined and sex isn't that important to you.
I know that might really cut down your dating pool, and you might want to pretend to flirt, or have the promise of sex on the cards to at least entice more potential dates...but it's important you're honest with yourself. You'll have less to pick from but you'll be happier when you get a match.


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cberg
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16 May 2018, 12:32 pm

Feels more like I'm the one whose been 'picked', otherwise it's hard to see how I'd know much of anyone in the first place.

Yeah, leave it to me to misinterpret nudity. 8O

I'm amazed there's anyone on Earth whom I interested, I freak out if basically anyone else touches me. I'm just trying to highlight how much that means.


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whatamievendoing
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16 May 2018, 1:39 pm

The thing about demisexuality is that it's not strictly extremely low interest - or complete disinterest - in sex. It's defined more by being unable to fall in love with someone unless the two parties share a very deep connection.

I've luckily never had to deal with the trouble of having to explain it to a girlfriend. But I like to think I have a talent for explaining concepts in easily understandable ways. So even if I was faced with such a task in the future, I don't think I'd be at a disadvantage.


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cberg
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16 May 2018, 7:53 pm

Then how would you explain? I suppose I'm lucky enough to have such troubles.


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RetroGamer87
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16 May 2018, 8:43 pm

Either explain it to them yourself or tell them to Google it.


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cberg
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16 May 2018, 9:24 pm

I'm aiming for some kind of answer about myself that's more genuine than [LINK] ... I'm waffling around the forums here until a special lady & myself can find the time in our lives to party heartier.


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kraftiekortie
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16 May 2018, 9:33 pm

A demisexual is someone who is very choosy about who he/she is attracted to.

A demisexual has to have a deep emotional attachment to a person in order to feel sexually attracted to that person.



cberg
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16 May 2018, 9:41 pm

I don't want to just hang the definitions over our heads though, it's only of use in labeling one's past anyway. I'm worried my particular quirks have been mistaken for total disinterest or anxiety/shutdowns.

I'm just trying to find the best way I can to hug it out & talk things over openly. :?


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kraftiekortie
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16 May 2018, 9:52 pm

Just talk about how you feel about her. But don't get all mushy about it.....

You really have to "simplify it" this time.



cberg
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16 May 2018, 10:44 pm

Oh I'd have a rough time getting any farther from mushy than I already am. :|

Excuse my cluelessness, are there any other words for this preference?


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kraftiekortie
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16 May 2018, 10:46 pm

It’s called “being smart.”

I wish I had “smarts” like that.....



cberg
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16 May 2018, 11:31 pm

:jester: lol it's worse than I thought! If I simplify too much it world be out of character.


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"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
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