Letting a past crush go

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Years ago, I used to have a huge crush on another man who is also autistic and I put my eggs into one basket with him for years. He seemed like he liked me in return that said

1. There were several times where he would give me mixed signals by being hot and cold with me
2. He often told me that I needed to impress him just enough and we will go out
3. Things were also one-sided
4. He told other people behind my back that he didn't like me me and that he thought I was a spazz
5. He told me that 75% I got on his nerves because of my hyperactivity
6. He has used me for things in the past and has gotten my hopes many times only to be disappointed time and time again.
7. When he would communicate on skype, he would sign off when I would sign on
8. He would also flirt with other women right in front of me
9. There has been times where he has ignored me

I let him go about three years ago and I have been happy ever since. I saw that he tried to re-add me on skype recently but I decided to tell him that I didn't think it's a good idea for us to associate period. I also told him not to try and contact me anymore.

Yes, you are better to keep away from that one. Seems like he was using you to boost his ego.

I hope you find someone better who really cares about you.

I have actually been okay with being single and especially after learning that I don't need to jump into a relationship with every male that I meet.

There was a time where I was emotionally attached to him and felt that I need to change myself to get his approval. When he would let me down, I would either cry or get mad only to be told that "You're very fragile, I can't talk to you." Then I realized that my relationship with him was toxic.

I also used to think that the whole "Impress me with your intelligence" thing was cute and sexy. Then I realized that a mature person would respect me as a person no matter what.

He sounds like a wannabe "playa" or something. There are alot of NT guys who are like that too obviously and the whole "you're very fragile I can't talk to you" when he's the one causing your emotional reaction and basically taking no responsibility for his own actions is the mark of a total w*ker. Likewise the "impress me w/your intelligence" line or the rest of your list in your OP . Maybe he should have to impress you. Clearly you're better off either on your own or w/a real man not someone who thinks he's "all that" when he probably isn't.

I wanna shift the convo a bit by going back to the title you gave this thread about letting a past crush go. That is the damn story of my life and is never something I've been very good at. It doesn't help that my only real relationship to date was abusive either. But there have been so many girls throughout my life that I crushed on I wouldn't know where to begin w/telling the story. And the worst part has been that pretty much all of them have ended w/her leaving my life which b/c I have yet to learn emotional regulation has just made the "letting go/getting over" phase much harder and take longer almost every time. In alot of the cases it would take me a year or more till my feelings subsided.

Usually it would either involve the girl moving away leaving the country me and/or her leaving or switching schools and the last few I lost contact w/them or else they just didn't wanna see me again. One of those actually who turned out to be a total psycho was super flaky about returning a poetry book from my mom I'd lent her and when I finally confronted her about it a year later she ended up getting her then bullying bf to threaten me and told me he'd thrown the book out.

I'm cautiously hopeful/optimistic that now that I'm finally doing a type of therapy designed for people on the spectrum that when my therapist and I get to dating that the results will eventually turn up better i.e. that I'll at least have some healthy romantic relationships. It's an internal struggle for me sometimes but I don't wanna be the kind of guy I see for example on this site who turns misogynist b/c of all the pain and negative experiences I've had re: love. I think working on myself is a big part of that and then down the road I expect I'll eventually find someone it's just a matter of time. I wish both of you the same!

This guy who I am finally setting firm boundaries with is very cocky and thinks in his mind that he's a super genius because he's "Very smart." He thinks that he doesn't need social skills because of his intelligence and special gifts make up for it. He thinks that he's up there with Einstein. He also wants to be with someone of equal mate value who's ultra geeky like he is. He thinks I give off too much small talk.

At the same time, he has not done anything with his life for the last decade and a half. Basically, he has been living with his parents collecting social security because he thinks he's too autistic to pass a job interview to get that dream job as a mechanical engineer. However, he lost a couple of jobs as a mechanical engineer because he thought he was too smart to start at the bottom. When he tried to find something else, he blew several interviews and gave up. After that, he stopped caring about his looks and became a dirty slob and just spent his time in front of a computer at night while sleeping during the day in addition to becoming addicted to D&D. When it came to getting his butt out of the house it's been, "My sleep schedule's off."

Hahaha! He sounds like the poster boy for "why smart people do dumb things?" Sometimes b/c they're arrogant lazy pricks w/an inflated ego (often not based in reality).

I can't say I've achieved alot either unless you think getting a graduate degree in and of itself is important which I have done and hope to get more of in the future. I'm on public assistance and waiting till my SSI appeal is approved (a long ass process but it'll happen eventually). I can't do any of the work process (yet) either from networking to interviews to getting a job to doing one or keeping one. But then again that's also part of what therapy support groups etc are for.

And the similarities between him and I end there. I've been hurt too many times and myself probably blown enough friendships over the years and decades to over-inflate my ego like that let alone to think social skills (small talk included) aren't important. I mean come the f**k on (likewise comparing himself to Einstein)! lol

It's funny because I knew what kind of a person he was when I first met him at an adult autism support group years ago. I told myself that he seemed like an ass and that he didn't seem to be too interested in me. Then I ended up trying to get to know him when I first started hanging out with an ex-friend who also liked him. So I became hooked on the idea that we should date while other people noticed that he was a jerk.

I don't wanna sound mean but do you tend to fall for jerks in general Some women do tend to fall for jerks/a$$holes/bad-boys ect & keep getting hurt because of it. If this is the case with you(I'm NOT saying it is but IF) then this is something you may wanna look into & address maybe with a therapist so the pattern doesn't keep repeating.

Nick007, thank you for bringing that up and actually, I liked this guy for years before cutting him loose and have been happy since. I am also talking to a therapist in addition to learning about red flags which indicate that a person is toxic. I recently had been applying those signs to these characteristics related to those signs. I have also had been gradually detaching myself from him emotionally. The only reason why I brought him up us because I had been deleting anything related to contact with him when I saw that he had tried to re-add me. I just felt I needed to talk about it in here but I will start discussing with my therapist about this guy.

In the mean time, I have been learning how to break the cycle by picking up when someone is going to be bad for me like he is.

It sounds like your dealing with things in a very healthy way so good job

When it came to letting him go three years ago, he was doing his thing in playing games with me and making me upset and it took a good friend to encourage me to let him go. I miss him sometimes but after taking that break and doing that research, I realized that I can live without him.

I honestly feel really sorry for him because he has a real learning disability which is not autism, depression or sensory processing disorder. Rather, his disability is what I call "Egotistic Spectrum Disorder." It's probably why he chose my ex-friend for a platonic relationship over me because she has the ESD too.

ESD Symptoms
1. They tend to have their own agenda
2. They dislike anyone who isn't like them
3. Illuded sense of self
4. They think their time is more valuable than other people no matter the situation
5. They think they deserve credit for this or that
6. They seem sweet or charming on the surface but are very sneaky about hurt
7. They cut other people down
8. They more important

Haha Those two egomaniacs sound like they deserve each other! Thanks for sharing, Summer. Your account of what you're doing/did to get over him is kind've useful as advice too. Maybe I can try to use it in the future.

Lol, I used to get so jealous when he would want to spend time with her. Even if it they were just friends. They made a great couple but she was not good enough for him either.

As for the Egotism Spectrum, they were similar but their wave lengths are slightly different.

Him vs Her
1.Obnoxious vs. Deceptive
2. Let’s you know he is not interest vs. Passive aggressiveness
3. He will cut you down to your face vs she will be a snake in the grass

Pick your poison basically. I read the comparison you make between them as them both having ESD but kind of at opposite ends of the a**hole continuum. They're still both a**holes though and imo a part of you should be happy that they didn't work out either since they probably deserve that too! lol

After I let him go, my feelings faded over time in addition to realizing that I don't have time for that kind of drama.

Yikes!


Double Yikes!!



Triple Yikes!! !



Yep, right call, good on you.