Women, Men, Tell us What You Need The Other Sex To Know!.

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This thread does not allow contesting what previous posters have shared. No argument, response or debate is allowed. Ego seems to take over when we debate and posters become either defensive or offensive, which turns the whole thing into a conflict rather than a positive learning experience.
The purpose here is to talk about an interaction that has occurred with the opposite sex and what you needed to happen that didn't. Or what was a great response and why. Why you felt frustrated, invalidated, angry, or joyful and elated.

The intention is to examine our own and others feelings and just pay attention ,and hopefully we will attain new discernments by passively observing and just listening and not descending into being judgemental or feeling attacked.

I'll begin.
A few weeks ago I shared how my aspie love interest upset me by not asking me how I felt when I was really sick and seemed to make light of the fact that I was unwell. He really hurt my feelings. Because I know that he cares it wasn't such a major issue, but sick and grumpy I lashed out and made it clear that when I am sick or anyone else for that matter, concern has to be expressed verbally otherwise I have no way of monitoring how he feels. I cannot read his mind, what he doesn't say out loud I cannot possibly know. I need to feel cared about or what's the point in being a relationship? ( rhetorical question, no response required )
Yesterday I had a bad stomach bug and felt lousy. A simple "feel better" from my guy was expressed and made me feel much better.This may seem a ridiculously trivial matter but these things are hard for him to express and make me feel he doesn't care. He felt good because he knew what I needed and could provide it, so it was a win win. A little positive attention goes a long way with me. Progress not perfection

Who has something to share with us? Can be a past or present experience.

I was not put on this Earth to...

... carry your emotional baggage

... pay off your maxed-out credit cards

... take the blame for what other men have done to you

... be your punching-bag

... raise some other man's illegitimate children

... take sides with you when you are in the wrong

... provide a fake alibi for you

... pretend that you are not fat when you are

... support your delusions

... be your butler, waiter, or errand-boy

So either accept it, or admit that you can't and move on.

Just because I am not amorous now----doesn't mean that I can't get amorous with a little inspiration.....

It is not our fault that...

... you are experiencing PMS cramps, labor pains, or post-partum depression

... other women go out in public wearing next to nothing

... other women smile at us

... you had a bad day

... you are overweight

... you are getting older

... you have a monthly reproductive cycle

... you have stretch marks, grey hairs and wrinkles

... we can be ready for sex anywhere, anytime, and for no reason at all

... we cannot read your minds and know exactly what you mean, no matter what you actually say

I just want to be loved.

Yeah....me too!

If you are truly interested in us, do not play hard to get.

Shopping is not a social event, nor is it a form of recreation. Shopping is knowing what you want, finding it in the store, paying for it, and taking it home.

If you want us to do something for you, once is a request, twice is a reminder, and three times or more is nagging. Do not nag. Better yet, do it yourself.

If you do not know what to wear when we are on a date, go with "Hot & Sexy", unless we are meeting with our parents.

We cannot read your minds; and no, not knowing what you are thinking or why you are feeling a certain way does not mean that we do not love you; it only means that you have not told us yet.

You cannot read our minds; we all know it, so stop pretending that you can.

"You know what's wrong" tells us only that you do not know either, so drop the pretense and just admit you're in a bad mood.

Understand that I have interests other people might consider unusual, either in type or intensity, or both. I would like to find a man who has had pets, particularly cats (or both cats and dogs) all his life and knows how to be responsible for their care, as I am. Please be patient if it seems that I don't know something a person in her mid-50s should know, as I am always willing to learn. I came late to a lot of things (first driver's license at 48, first picked up a tennis racquet at 50 to begin formal lessons), but I'm not stupid. I'm educated and have a lot to share with a man who is similarly educated and interested in a variety of topics.

I want to be loved, too! Don't look at my age and assume it's too late.

Don't assume I'm completely ignorant, or that I should know everything by now because I am almost 55. As I said, I came late to a lot of things, but I'm learning quickly.

Women are individuals.
Women on dating apps are a very preselected group, mostly better left alone.
I sometimes have an impression that you have some stereotypical picture of a woman which defeats any signals from the reality.

If you want us to listen, then say what you mean, and mean what you say.

Short sentences that come to the point right away would also help.

For example, when we ask "How many people were there?", we don't want to know their names, what they were wearing, what they said, who they are all dating, which ones are pregnant, how many have jobs, who was in a cranky mood, what kind of house they live in, what they do for a living, how you first met them, what they said the last time you met, whom they said it to, why they got divorced, who has custody of the kids, who got the house, whether or not they support your favorite candidate or cause ...

Too much unimportant detail!

Just tell us how many people were there!

Your thoughts, feelings and ideas are just as important as mine.
The notion that women are goddesses and you are primates makes me feel sick.
Women propagate this myth ^ , but they don't speak for me.

Honestly, I have not made as much effort to understand and validate men as they have invested in me. I have tried to change their way of thinking to "feminine" rather than accepting that they may have a different mode of thinking and it is not defected, just an alternative perspective. I hope that I will never forget this realisation.

I now know that men are not so painfully critical of women's psyche and appearance as we are of ourselves. You actually don't demand much at all. Food, sex and appreciation seems to be enough to keep you happy but I always need to complicate things and demand so much more.

Please verbalise what you need or I have no way of knowing, it brings us closer.
Don't grab things out of my hands, I do things differently, maybe less efficiently but I can still do them. It makes me feel stupid and dependent.

It is not a weakness to be sick so don't be bad tempered.

I think that male patronage and feminism are totally irreconcilable.

Patronage evolved from historical oppression in which women were dependent on men for material security because they were often denied any form of property rights. It was understood in society that a woman could not sustain herself because society would not permit her to do so. Therefore men, including fathers and romantic suitors, all made effort to patronize women to either heighten her breeding value or to compete against other suitors. Women had no choice but to accept the patronage and the loss of respect and societal authority that comes with it.

Feminism destroyed (or better put...is in the process of destroying) the social, legal, and political chains that made women glorified property in the past. It is destroying the need for patronage because women are becoming able to be property owners who are taken seriously as equals in the professional world and permitted to actualize their merit and leverage it for personal growth. All wonderful things.

The problem is that patronage and feminism are currently coexisting. I suspect this is the root of the growing divide between the achievements of young men and women. I suspect this is why older generations of men find it so difficult to actually respect professional women. There is a question of "were you subsidized by men?"

I think these issues will balance as women become more prolifically represented in powerful positions in society and it becomes standard for women to bring property to the table. Patronage will decline and therefore respect towards women will increase. Hopefully by the end of this century, the chains of historical oppression will stop rattling and it will be as simple as two genders fairly competing for resources/status and with agency in affairs of romance, like it always should have been.

All generalizations are false by default, because there are always individuals who don't fit the mold, however....

In my experience, many women fail to see that there are substantial differences in the way men and women behave. Many women seem to expect men to feel and behave the same way they would, and take anything a man does within the context of what it would mean for them to have done said thing.

Just because if, when you do something, it means that you felt a certain way, it doesn't follow that when a man does that same thing, he must be feeling the same way you would have.

Why are you so grumpy? I mean it's not like you have to have periods, PMT and cramps every month. Even if I got pregnant I have to go through all the pain and morning sickness (which I fear), while you can just carry on and enjoy your new baby at the end of it.