Dating dilemma

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Hi everyone. This is my first post in this forum, so I hope I’m doing things right.

I’m looking for some advice on a dilemma I currently have. I’ve been friends with this guy for the three years that we’ve both been at university. He’s told me he likes me, and though immediately I didn’t feel the same way, it’s got me back into the habit of thinking about how my autism might (or might not) impact my emotions. Can people with autism feel romantic attraction? Will I never feel romantic attraction towards anyone, or is this just a case of him not being right for me right now, i.e could these feelings come later as I spend time with him in person? (We’ve been communicating online for the last few weeks for obvious reasons).

Many thanks!

Yes, people with autism can experience romantic feelings and attraction.
Maybe you haven't spent enough time with him to know if you're attracted to him or not, and that's okay too. None of us can tell you if you'll ever feel attraction towards this guy, but I wish we could.
Have you ever had crushes on anyone, or experienced physical attraction?

Hi martianprincess, thank you for your reply!

I have definitely had crushes on and experience physical attraction to people before, but I don't feel like at the moment I see him as anything more than a good friend, plus with crushes etc it's always been for people that have either never reciprocated or been out of reach in other ways, i.e they're celebs. He's told me about his feelings before and back then I said I'd need some time...I feel like I still do, especially given our current situation where we can't be physically together.

Spending time with them would definitely help but like you said, in the current situation we are in that's pretty difficult to do!

Attraction does and can happen for autistic people though. It isn't really something that can be forced though. So if you don't feel anything for him now then chances are you probably won't at all. (Although I could be wrong to be fair).

To the original poster: I agree, you might grow more fond of him but you may not be actually attracted to him. But that's a very personal thing, so we can't tell you for sure.

You will never be attracted to him; it is either there or not.

Tell him so he can move on.

Let me tell you from personal experience: don't enter a relationship for the sake of entering a relationship, 'cause over time it is more likely you will grow tired of being with this person. You want to be deeply in love with whoever you meet because that is what a relationship is all about.

You may or may not develop attraction to him over time. I think it is definitely possible in some situations for attraction to come later. But not always.

I wasn't attracted to my bf at first.... but I will say that I always adored spending time with him and tried to see him as much as possible because I loved his company. The physical attraction grew over time. /end personal anecdote

If you think about it and are honest with yourself, you can probably tell if this guy has a chance with you or not.

All of the best

But she had been a friend of him for long enough; I don't believe it is possible to develop it over time out of thin air now. Or am I mistaken?

This post speaks so much truth it's unreal, well put!

You don't need time. Either you have a crush on him or he's not somebody you really want to be with. It's better to skip him then.

The short answer to your question is "yes" those with autism can still experience romantic attraction. In fact, based on my network, those on the spectrum tend to be alot more romantic and make kinder, better partners.
Especially during this isolation, it's easy to fall into the trap of feeling...well...isolated and thinking about people more than we normally would.
If once isolation is over, you feel the same level of indecisiveness, there's no reason why you shouldn't go on a date and test the waters so to speak. Getting along with someone on a friend basis is one thing, but if there's no spark there, friends is all it will be. Worst case scenario, you go back to friends and you can sleep at night knowing you tried.

Then how come so many people are turned off by us?

It says more about more about them than it does us. Those who understand what's really important in life and relationships are those worth pursuing.

As someone else said, best not to force it for the sake of being in a relationship. Are you aware that he wants to be with you romantically?

The short explanation is that NTs tend to value things within a relationship that us Aspies tend to have problems with. NTs have a different way of communicating & there is also a lot of negative stigma towards autism.