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How to not be blunt with a co-worker about dating?

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Guy Incognito
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22 May 2020, 2:35 pm

I have a co-worker that has taken am interest in me. She previously asked me out for coffee and I turned her down, citing a lack of interest in one-on-one interaction with other people. She said she understood, but has asked me out again. She is aware I'm an Aspie and I have no issues with being text or email friends, but I really have no romantic interest in her and that won't change.

Any tips on how to handle this? I have a tendency to be blunt, and I don't want to needlessly hurt her feelings. But I also think she is looking for something I can't give her. I would ask my Therapist, but America is still closed.



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22 May 2020, 5:21 pm

The way I see it, you have three choices:

1. Be blunt, hurt her feelings, and she loses interest in you.

2. Be vaguely dismissive, her feelings don't get hurt, and she stays interested in you.

3. Go along with the situation, take advantage of her affections, and she accuses you of sexual assault.


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22 May 2020, 10:54 pm

Next time she asks you to hang out, just tell her you can't because you have a date that day.

She should move on pretty quickly after that.


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23 May 2020, 12:42 pm

Maybe try and make the center point of your conversation topics like your hemorrhoids and severe constipation? That might cause a lack of interest?



that1weirdgrrrl
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23 May 2020, 7:42 pm

Tell her you have a boyfriend


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Guy Incognito
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23 May 2020, 8:30 pm

that1weirdgrrrl wrote:
Tell her you have a boyfriend


I tried the fake girlfriend thing in the past. Doesn't work anything like it does on TV



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24 May 2020, 3:23 am

Tell her you’re gay.



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24 May 2020, 1:49 pm

Guy Incognito wrote:
I have a co-worker that has taken am interest in me. She previously asked me out for coffee and I turned her down, citing a lack of interest in one-on-one interaction with other people. She said she understood, but has asked me out again. She is aware I'm an Aspie and I have no issues with being text or email friends, but I really have no romantic interest in her and that won't change.

Any tips on how to handle this? I have a tendency to be blunt, and I don't want to needlessly hurt her feelings. But I also think she is looking for something I can't give her. I would ask my Therapist, but America is still closed.


Just tell her what you told us. It's blunt, but I think that is kinder than the alternatives. Glad we could help you practice. Sometimes being blunt is the best alternative. As in, "Your fly is open." Some things people just need to know right away.


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24 May 2020, 2:53 pm

The phrase you need is...

"I think that we should just be friends".



Guy Incognito
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24 May 2020, 3:11 pm

hurtloam wrote:
The phrase you need is...

"I think that we should just be friends".


I already tried this one. I got a "sorry, not sorry" reply.



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24 May 2020, 3:47 pm

Go on a date with her; and take her to a very cheap place.
Dunkin donuts?

And be boring, be very boring.



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24 May 2020, 4:24 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Go on a date with her; and take her to a very cheap place.
Dunkin donuts?

And be boring, be very boring.


No don't do that. Someone did something similar to me and a fake date that the other person doesn't want to be on hurts worse than a no.

He was really cold. It was awful. I felt so stupid.



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24 May 2020, 4:29 pm

Guy Incognito wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
The phrase you need is...

"I think that we should just be friends".


I already tried this one. I got a "sorry, not sorry" reply.


It's fine to tell her straight now because that's very obviously a no from you and she's ignoring it. Maybe she thought you lacked the self confidence to believe she actually likes you more than a friend and thinks you need coaxing.

You've got to be straight.

"I think that you're a really nice person, but I'm sorry, I'm just not interested in you like that. I don't think we should go on a date. I don't see it leading to anything."

If she's still persistent after that it's kinda sad.



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24 May 2020, 4:32 pm

Or tell her you don't date colleagues. You don't think it's professional.



Guy Incognito
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24 May 2020, 4:47 pm

hurtloam wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Go on a date with her; and take her to a very cheap place.
Dunkin donuts?

And be boring, be very boring.


No don't do that. Someone did something similar to me and a fake date that the other person doesn't want to be on hurts worse than a no.

He was really cold. It was awful. I felt so stupid.



I wouldn't. While appreciated, most of the suggestions revolve around duplicity or otherwise cruel behavior.



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24 May 2020, 4:52 pm

Guy Incognito wrote:
I have a co-worker that has taken am interest in me. She previously asked me out for coffee and I turned her down, citing a lack of interest in one-on-one interaction with other people. She said she understood, but has asked me out again. She is aware I'm an Aspie and I have no issues with being text or email friends, but I really have no romantic interest in her and that won't change.

How is she at all? You should tell her that it is OK for you to go for that coffee and that you would like her just being your friend but that you have no feelings towards her an that you don't want to become her boyfriend just because of this. This way she has no wrong expectations. But may be you have no idea how she can be in private situations and you should give her just a try.


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