Must you be popular in order to be attractive ?

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I have had few friends in real life and few on social media unlike some people who have 500 friends (which most are probably not true friends). My posts, statuses and stuff I used to share online hardly got any comments whereas other people would get lots of comments and likes. Eventually I stopped doing it because I felt maybe I was doing because I was trying to compare to them and that it was pointless but it still gives me feelings of missing out or losing out when there some ''friends'' who have more likes, comments and photos of good times and stuff with their friends, family and so on. I seem to think if I was like one of them, would it make me feel any better or happier or achieve anything as though it is on some kind of ''to-do list'' and tick it off ? and how come they have not wanted to befriend me ? I've also not really be that interested in having lots of money and buying cool things like a nice flashy car to attract somebody but I do still feel there are people who do and that if you don't try to look cool then you will end with not many friends.

Ugh, I really dislike the whole idea of posting endless photos and videos of oneself online just to look "cool."

IMO the Internet should be used for more substantive purposes, to share info and ideas, like we are doing here on Wrong Planet.

To make friends, I would suggest seeking out people who share specific interests of yours, rather than trying to be generally popular.

All my friends have been fellow oddballs.

Attractive to who? Yourself? Other people? People you're trying to date?

What's your goal? What are you looking for? A circle of friends? Casual dating? A serious relationship? If someone likes how you look and your personality, they find you attractive, and it doesn't matter what other people think.

It seems like you want attention, but you haven't really clearly defined why, or what your end goal is.

In middle school and high school, we grow up in a closed system of 100-1000+ people. We get the impression that if we are popular in this system, then we are just popular in general. And we become accustomed to that habit.

But after that, life changes. There are many social circles and places to meet people. But as people get older, the social circle tends to tighten and people care less about impressing a lot of random people who don't really care about them. A lot of acquatainces come and go, and people hold onto the close friends and family.

You don't have to be popular per se, but having a social circle or natural hangout spots definitely helps. People in general wouldn't be inclined to date someone who doesn't have much going on outside of work and home. That's IRL though, on social media being popular might get you likes and other meager benefits but that's about it. I would focus on IRL and socializing and also putting yourself out there than trying to gain popularity or meaningful friendships online(they can happen but it's pretty rare).

I would check out local places to go to and try them out(even if you did already try again, you never know who you will meet if you don't go). Getting friends or even a girlfriend for that matter takes work. Think about things you might be able to improve upon to increase your chance of successful encounters with others.

Well, be attractive to opposite sex and feeling like I should have a circle of friends like other people have as though that will make me some how content that I have had experience with dating and have a number of friends rather than leave school or college without any or without experience which I seem to think people with Autism or Aspergers maybe struggle to do than NT people. It is as though it would some how make me feel glad that I have done it.

I knew people from school days who had Aspergers or Autism and attracted people from mainstream school (we worked in unit of the school for students with Autism) and a few I know of formed bands and got contracts and so on. I saw them play once but haven't seen them since as I never stayed in touch as they didn't get on well with me sometimes they would tease me and sometimes would chat to me. They had lots of friends presumably and one is now a father.

Last edited by chris1989 on 03 Feb 2022, 1:38 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Totally depends on whether you are male or female.

Female? You could have all the wit, personality, and charm of a chiwawa on heat, but if you have good skin, bone structure, aren't overweight, and are in your 20s you'll have men fawning over you.

Male? Different story.

Humans, innit.

If you're a woman in your 20s, the only requirement you need is to not be obese to be considered attractive by a large margin of men.

And if you're at least an 8, you don't need money, a good lifestyle, or even a good personality. If you're hot, your looks do the talking for you. My sister's a jobless alcoholic who's very high strung and neurotic, but because she's an attractive blonde, she can find a new man with the snap of a finger.

Life isn't fair. You just gotta work with the cards you've been dealt.

Yes, the flip side though is the second she loses her looks she becomes invisible, and unless she has invested in her personality, knowledge, skills, when this happens she will have nothing. Attractive young females are a highly depreciating asset in most cases. It's basically strike while iron is hot. After that there's very little in way of interest in them.

Males on the other hand, it is more smoothed. Males are largely ignored until 25, after which things turn around slightly and so long as genes are ok, keep in shape, not ugly etc. then can keep things going very well until say 45, after which a slow depreciation kicks in. It is just different.

I don't know. Men go bald, they get fat, start developing a belly, and start to get wrinkles.

Most 40 something year old men don't look as good as Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Jake Gyllenhall, George Clooney, when they're in their 40s. Those guys, like many other actors of Hollywood, are chosen partially because of their above average appearance. If you're going to star in action/superhero films, you probably need to look pretty good.

In addition, most 25 year old women don't want to date a 45 year old man. If you're a 45 year old man, you might be looking at women in their mid or late 30s, not women in their twenties, and certainly not 21 year old girls.

So men have a shelf life too. Although for men, the luxury is that their shelf life typically extends longer than a woman's partially because money and status can act as a buffer for men that have it.

Supposedly, being preapproved by other woman has an affect on a man's attractiveness. A broader concept is social proof. It doesn't determine my attraction to a woman.

Hmm, but that seems to suggest while maybe she can easily get the attention of men she's not very good longer term relationship material if she's having to snap her fingers to get a new man so often. Also well there are guys out there with a toxic attitude about how it can be fun to have sex with 'crazy' people but you should definitely just bone and ditch. So even if she enjoys the attention chances are some of those guys likely don't really care for her or even like her, but are still willing to have sex.

That is true. Men have two types of zones they put women in, the fuck-zone and the relationship-zone. The fuck-zone is women who you want to have sex with, but not get into a relationship with. Men put women in the fuck-zone for different reasons including:


1. He's not really attracted to you but he's horny, or has hit a dry spell, and just wants to get in his mind, an easy lay, even if he doesn't think you're really that attractive. Some men will intentionally seduce fat chicks and pretend to like them because they think they're easy, just to get an easy lay and get more experience.

2. He's physically attracted to you but for whatever reason, doesn't really see you as girlfriend/relationship material. Maybe he thinks you're crazy, you have a bad personality, or he thinks you two simply aren't compatible relationship wise. But he's not going to turn down free sex with a willing woman.

3. Some men truly don't want a relationship and don't want to be tied down to one woman, so they're exclusively only looking for sex.

Popularity doesn't matter so much on that. A lot of that comes down to taking care of yourself. Working out, staying in shape, grooming, hygiene, hair cut, styling your hair, wearing clothes that fit you well, etc.

But most importantly, smile, be positive and fun person to be around. Be interested in what they care about, ask them questions. And also, not giving a s**t about the outcome. Ironically, guys who don't care if they get rejected have a better chance than a guy who is anxious and feels like he depends on her approval for validation.

^ This attitude is not only just good for dating. But it'll also help you build a social circle.

You have this mixed up sir. Correlation vs. causation. It's not the popularity that causes people to be attractive. But rather the same exact attributes that cause people to both be popular and attractive.

I have, in the past, belonged to the local science fiction fandom. Attended their events and their parties and their conventions. Officially, they insist they are not motivated by attractiveness, success, or charisma, but I can tell you what happens when the most charismatic of them enters a room. Other people will pick up their chairs and turn them to face the charismatic people, and they will spend the evening trying to be part of a conversation that is not near them, while ignoring the people they are actually sitting with.

And when the charismatic people don't get this kind of response when they enter a room, they will gripe about it.

Imo, the core reason is that romantic chemistry and lifestyle/values are 2 different things. People will have sex based on chemistry. But for a relationship, you need both.

That being said, a guy should be honest; and not mislead anyone. The issue is that some guys lead a girl on to think he's serious when he's only looking for sex.

Last edited by Minervx_2 on 04 Feb 2022, 2:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Level of agreement 100%.