What would you do if I were your boyfrend and told you this?

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This is a very hypothetical question as I think no woman on this planet in her right mind would want to have someone like me for her boyfriend, but suppose you had a lapse in judgement and decided to give me a chance. Then one day you ask me for sex and I flatly refuse. I tell you that you have a beautiful body and that I love you but that I don't see you that way. Would you dump me?

If your hypothetical woman has any feelings for you at all, she will not dump you, but will try to find out what gives you pleasure, and why.

Most people around here (middle America) find "boyfriend" (or "girlfriend") to be synonymous with "sex partner."
Are you asexual or do you have high moral values, or what? Depending where you are looking, there could be quite a few ladies who want an nonsexual relationship.

Mw99 - With all honesty, yes. Here's why: If we're friends, that is we care for each other and in a romantic way, then WHY would bf say no? Unless you had a legitimate reason, that you could state cogently (such a physical problem, trauma) to indicate otherwise, I would be HURT. To be rejected in this way, by someone I (hypothetically) loves and is sexually aroused by is unrequitted love. Unrequitted love is extraordinarily hurtful!


Just by logic, I would be thinking: He cares about me, says I am attractive, we're bf/gf...yet he rejects me! Why? This does not make sense. We are at an impasse. Just try to imagine, if the situation were reversed, how would you feel (ie: Frustrated out of your mind?).

Mw99 - Why do you tell her no? Think about why...then tell her. But be ready to hear from her, "I'll find someone who DOES appreciate me - bye." I do not mean to be harsh, but you asked, I answered.

I guess I should offer the caveat: She may well like to keep you for a friend! This means she does like you. BUT - THE DYNAMICS HAVE CHANGED AND THE RELATIONSHIP AS YOU KNOW IT IS OVER.

Just be prepared.

since I have high moral values, I'd only take a guy that practices abstinence.
that's what I did before getting married.

Yes, I would, for three reasons:

a) Sex (or at least, sexual attraction), to me, is an important part of a relationship - it's what distinguishes a romantic relationship from any other type of relationship.

b) If it's that you don't see "me" that way (meaning that you do like sex, you just don't like it with me, or that you wouldn't consider having sex with me eventually), what's the point in being my boyfriend? why don't you look for somebody you would like to have sex with?

c) If you're asexual, you should have said so from the beginning. And with all these web and real life communities, the wisest thing would be to look for a girl with similar tendencies or interests.

Unless you mean you practice abstinence until you get married, but then that wouldn't necesarily be synonimous with not seeing me "that way".

Yes. If someone doesn't see me "that way", I am not going to waste my time seeing him "that way".

I agree. There are married couples who are deeply committed to one another but for reasons of their own, don't have sex as part of their relationship. It doesn't make the love they have for one another any less.

You do have to explain why it is that you do not wish to have a sexual relationship, of course. And be upfront from the beginning.

Last edited by blessedmom on 24 Dec 2007, 12:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

Mw99,
"there's a lid for every pot."

Wow, Mw99, are there anymore like you around? I'm serious!

As long as I can get a cuddle I'd be alright with it.

Sex is not everything by a long chalk.

I want to have kids of my own. Do you?

If you never want to have sex, how would we have kids so yeah I'd dump you if it was never.

I think it is perfectly acceptable to decide not to have sex - for any person at any time.

If your girlfriend accepted your reasons for not having sex then I don't see that there would be a problem. If she didn't accept your reasons then perhaps she is a suitable partner anyway.

No, I certainly wouldn't leave a boyfriend for that. Everyone has the right to refuse sex, and no girlfriend worth keeping would pressure you into having sex for the sake of having a relationship.

Boyfriend/girlfriend does not = free sex partner.

But this is reality we're talking about, not a Disney dream.

Women have sexual needs just as men do; and if you continue to refuse her, and are never interested in sexual intercourse, rest assured she will dump your ass and move onto another guy quicker than a greased cheetah.