Why are other sites so harsh on people with AS?

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When I'm interested in something I will read everything I can on it. I've been looking at a few other sites about aspergers and sometimes the people are just plain rude to me.
The women are the ones that are especially rude. I've been told that there is no way a relationship could work with a man with aspergers and I should just give up trying to have a relationship with him. The men usually try to be the most helpful. They have been really good about telling me things to help me understand certain situations and how to respond to them. This site has not been like that. Both the women and men have been really helpful. I have found several women on here that are really happy in their relationships and love their men. What gives with the other sites?????????

They're just frightened, bitter people. Take no notice of them.

Why cant a relationship with a guy with AS work out? Did they say?

I'm curious because I've been in two serious long term relationships and never had a problem due to my AS.

Those relationships ended but it wasnt because of me

Are these autism/asperger sites?

I think that sometimes when people make generalizations like that it's because doing so gives them a feeling of validity for what they have been through.

It's a way to reassure themselves that they have THE answer as to why things didn't work out and it was definitely [b]not]/b] their fault.

It's insecurity, basically.

Maybe this is what's going on with the people you mention?

I'm glad for this place.
While I have not spent very much time at other sites for ADD/HD or AS, the ones I have been to just weren't my type.

The women seem to be very bitter, they didn't find out about the aspergers part until well into the marriage. I think they are concerned the most because of very little emotional contact. I know that the guy I like is very scared of any kind of emotional relationship with me. They told me that it was just because he didn't like me and I needed to not have any more to do with him. That if we did have a relationship it wouldn't be very fulfilling on my part. The guys would private message me and say different things like it sounded to them like he was just afraid of not being able to be there for me emotionally. That it was something that could be worked on. Then one women even told me to wake up! And forget about it while I still could. I like this site much better.

There is a forum on delphiforums that has a mission statement of allowing people in AS-NT relationships to rant. No working things out allowed. The idea is to allow the NTs in the relationships to drum up enough support to get out of the relationship, not to make it work. Another forum there with a similar name tries to help people in AS-AS and AS-NT relationships to understand each other's perspectives so they can make the relationships work.

I guess it just depends on the experiences and attitude of the originator.

Well thank goodness for WP

While I'll admit that sometimes being married to an aspie has it's lonely moments, those women's comments make me feel bad for the AS men who they're with/married to. Yikes.

He's probably very introverted and closed off due to earlier life experience. He'll come out eventually, it'll just take time. Give him enough time and encouragement and he'll shine brightly.

P.S. Tell him Tequila says he's a lucky bastard!

A marriage in which one partner has Asperger Syndrome may fail? Yes. A person whose marriage to someone with AS has failed might then wish to blow off steam in an online forum? Sure. Other similarly-aggrieved people might join in the chorus? Oh, absolutely.

Must we therefore conclude that any marriage involving an AS partner is doomed to fail?

"Jim, it's just not logical." </Spock>

Thanks everyone. This site always makes me feel better. I do think it takes two people to make a relationship, but then again I think it takes two people to break it up too. I find the quietness of aspergers calming. I don't mind the silence as long as it's not used as a punishment. I think somewhere along the line the women that are complaining would have realized their significant other was quiet before hand. As for the other closeness I wonder why they don't just speak up and tell the guy what they need in the relationship? I know if I could ever get that far with my crush I would have no problem doing that. Besides I have my own little quirk why wouldn't I expect him to do the same? I have never visited a site looking to complain about things. I have only looked to be able to understand more so I could help......

I think with the current rate of divorce and failure in relationships, AS can't make it much worse. If NT marriage has a 50% rate of success, AS relationships can't be much worse. I think meeting a partner and getting dating is the toughest part of the relationship because of AS, once you are together I think AS wouldn't be as big of a deal. Or maybe that's just how it feels for me.

Sands, very few NT women posses the intelligence, wisdom and insight that you have. To NT women social status is the be all, end all of their existance. It simply never occurs to these women that they are 50% of the problem in the realtionship. So what they try to do is change the man and not themselves. To NT women they are perfect in every way and they simply do not need to change. Your aspie interest is very fortunate to have you pursuing him. Just give it some time.

It seems that a lot of people enjoy discouraging other people because it makes them feel powerful; if you don't succeed, then they won't feel as bad about their own failure. Perhaps they do this impulsively without realizing that their time would be better spent figuring out how to learn from their own experiences.

I've seen those websites about NT women who are "victims" of a "horrible aspie husband." Isn't it funny that the issues they address such as the men not giving enough emotional support are things which bother many married women (including my own mother) regardless of whether their husbands have AS? It seems that they take normal marital issues and blame them on AS instead of the simple fact that men and women in general have different ways of thinking and perceiving. The AS makes for an easy target of their accusations. The attribution of one's marital problems to it is unfalsifiable because there is no way to take away a husband's AS for a period of time to see if it makes him behave in a way more aligned to the wife's wishes and expectations.