23 Oct 2009, 6:03 pm
23 Oct 2009, 6:06 pm
sunshower wrote:
Grisha wrote:
Unfortunately, I ended up getting married to exactly the kind of woman the threadstarter refers to.
Everything was "her way or the highway" and nothing was off the table to ensure that - she called 911 on me once when I finally stood up for myself (non-physically of course) and wouldn't back down on some trivial issue (can't even remember what it was). The police came and asked me to leave the house or face arrest - The woman is always innocent, right?
That's the last time I ever dared to stand up to her.
Whenever I would ask her why she does this, she would say that "men need to be told what to do, they can't do anything for themselves", or she would change the subject and say "women are always the b*****s, it's never the man's fault".
She had an affair and divorced me - and called it all my fault. After she came back to me when her BF realized she meant business and took off, she still thinks what she did was perfectly justified. Ironically, she divorced me one month before she would have qualified for alimony, so I won't be donating 40% of my income to her for the rest of my life.
If you're wondering why I didn't simply leave, we have two kids. Finally I became convinced that living in this sort of environment was much worse for my kids than seeing me a little less often, so I moved out.
Now she says she will never forgive me for "leaving her" and "abandoning my children"!
How that for awful?
At this point, I can never see myself getting married again, I will never put myself in a situation where I am so physically/morally/legally helpless. Given the ways the laws are written and how the views of society are completely stacked against men in this regard, I don't see why any man in his right mind would get married unless he were absolutely certain that he had a good woman (and there are millions of them - the vast majority), and I absolutely do not trust my judgement in this regard.
Please understand, I actually love women, I am not a misogynist by any means. But my point is that if you get a bad one, there can be hell to pay beyond just a broken heart - so be careful!
Everything was "her way or the highway" and nothing was off the table to ensure that - she called 911 on me once when I finally stood up for myself (non-physically of course) and wouldn't back down on some trivial issue (can't even remember what it was). The police came and asked me to leave the house or face arrest - The woman is always innocent, right?
That's the last time I ever dared to stand up to her.
Whenever I would ask her why she does this, she would say that "men need to be told what to do, they can't do anything for themselves", or she would change the subject and say "women are always the b*****s, it's never the man's fault".
She had an affair and divorced me - and called it all my fault. After she came back to me when her BF realized she meant business and took off, she still thinks what she did was perfectly justified. Ironically, she divorced me one month before she would have qualified for alimony, so I won't be donating 40% of my income to her for the rest of my life.
If you're wondering why I didn't simply leave, we have two kids. Finally I became convinced that living in this sort of environment was much worse for my kids than seeing me a little less often, so I moved out.
Now she says she will never forgive me for "leaving her" and "abandoning my children"!
How that for awful?
At this point, I can never see myself getting married again, I will never put myself in a situation where I am so physically/morally/legally helpless. Given the ways the laws are written and how the views of society are completely stacked against men in this regard, I don't see why any man in his right mind would get married unless he were absolutely certain that he had a good woman (and there are millions of them - the vast majority), and I absolutely do not trust my judgement in this regard.
Please understand, I actually love women, I am not a misogynist by any means. But my point is that if you get a bad one, there can be hell to pay beyond just a broken heart - so be careful!
That's terrible Grisha, absolutely terrible. Does the money go specifically for the children, or for her? You should both support the children 50/50 but it's completely unjust that one of you should have to pay for the other. Laws like this are absolutely BS.
I don't blame you for never wanting to get married again. What kind of person makes another person pay 40% of their income to them for the rest of their life? It's different if that money goes solely to the children's upkeep, but otherwise...
Some women are very dangerous people. It's funny, but I have more of a fear of women than of any man. Of course, most are wonderful people, but the bad ones can destroy your life. You shouldn't ever feel guilty about not wanting to marry again; don't forget, marriage is an institution, and many of the laws surrounding it are outdated or unjust.
Thanks so much for the support!
It was actually cathartic for me to say this, I've never expressed these thoughts to anyone before.
Actually, I carefully structured the settlement so that less than 50% of it was in cash, the rest of the bills I pay directly so I know exactly where the money is going. She was happy to sign because she got much more from my offer than she would have been awarded by the courts. I would give my children every penny I have, supporting them to the maximum of my ability is a complete no-brainer for me and I am totally comfortable with this arrangement.
I can't believe the "alimony" laws are still on the books - this is an anachronism from the days when women stayed home and men worked. No serious person can deny the fact that women get paid less for the same work than men do, which is a serious injustice which must be corrected. But with laws like this on the books, it really deprives women of the moral high ground and hurts the cause, in my view.
Yes I found out the hard way that women can be just as dangerous as men. I've been punched, kicked, slapped, stomped on etc. but never told anyone because of the shame of it, I wonder how common it really is. I've never felt so helpless, I wouldn't dare defend myself because she would have called the cops in a heartbeat, so I just went fetal until she got it out of her system - right in front of my sobbing children.
No sense dwelling on the past though, I've extracted myself from the situation and these things need never happen again. Of course it's going to put a serious dent in my romantic ambitions for quite some time. I can see myself getting "back in the game" someday.
Just don't ask me to get married!
25 Oct 2009, 9:32 am
25 Oct 2009, 7:28 pm
27 Oct 2009, 10:42 am
I don't have these problems as told by Shebakoby with my Thai wife. 
27 Oct 2009, 1:09 pm
