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David1981
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06 Oct 2009, 7:30 pm

Chizpurfle52595 wrote:
Because when I find a man attractive, I become terrified of him and can barely speak when I'm around him, because I start worrying about how he's going to interpret everything I say and that I might say or do something that would ruin my chances, so I don't say anything in a self-fulfilling prophecy. I can only form a coherent conversation around men who I only think of as friends!! !! ! I've never even had a boyfriend because I'm a colossal chickenshit. :x How do I stop doing that?


I'm much the same way with women that I find attractive. I become very nervous and find it hard to speak. It is as if my vocal cords freeze up and just getting myself to speak is very difficult.

I also have a penchant for going through scenarios in my head and I can't help but coming to the conclusion that ALL relationships end in failure, and like nuclear war, the only way to win is not to play.

Anyone here have a similar experience?



SINsister
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06 Oct 2009, 7:46 pm

Mmmm...catastrophic/"all-or-nothing" thinking...sounds like anxiety disorder and OCD. I should know... :( :x


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Northeastern292
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06 Oct 2009, 8:56 pm

Tias wrote:
- I think you should have sex with someone you REALLY love, you're only a virgin once, so once you have sex, you arent....So it should be with someone special. --> Most people nowadays just have sex due to various lame reasons ("cause it's cool" "All the other boys i know have done it" and etc)

- My morals. If i wouldn't have any, i would most likely just have went off, got freaking drunk and had my friend arrange something for me. But i just think it's wrong to do something like that, and i just cant bring myself to have sex with some random person

- Shyness/not very open, bad at communicating and etc.

I was close to having lost my virginity to my ex, but didn't.
And also glad i didn't.

So to sum it up, i guess i'm a virgin cause i'm like trying to find something like "The right one", lol -_-


I agree with you fully! I feel the same way.



J-P
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07 Oct 2009, 10:54 am

i'm not attractive physically and mentally.



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07 Oct 2009, 10:59 am

^ There's a lady out there somewhere who would think otherwise. :wink:

I'm a virgin because I spent most of my years complaining about it but not doing anything about it. How adays, I'm a virgin also because my girlfriend isn't ready for sex yet, which is fine. I've waited this long, what will a little longer hurt? :)


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02 Jan 2010, 7:27 am

I have very severe ADD, so my choices of education, employment and social status are naturally very limited. I don't bother approaching women for that reason. Because of my AS, I have never needed friends either, so I don't bother dating because of that too.



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02 Jan 2010, 3:49 pm

I have not been able to "get lucky" with a woman.

Prediction: I will lose my virginity between
Valentine's Day and the 4th of July.


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therange
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02 Jan 2010, 5:54 pm

I'm picky about looks, and refuse to settle. More likely to be a 50 year old virgin than settle. I don't feel I should have to. I'm not looking for a model. The women I find attractive usually aren't much better looking than myself.



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02 Jan 2010, 11:52 pm

eh, still am one at the age of 21 so whatev. there are plenty of reasons why...

1) I ignore the "signs" that a women may like me. It is after I never see them again that I finally put 1 and 1 together.
2) I have ALOT of female friends, that are already with someone, and I have enough respect to not f**k up thier relationships.
3) With the risk of STDs and all, Id rather be with someone who has never been with someone yet. In my area, this is noone.
4) current reason as to why Im not persuing a relationship. I have no job, no life, and all that, including drivers license. I live in the middle of nowhere. since these qualities I deem as an immediate turnoff to ALL women, Im in the process of trying to responsibly fix my own issues before trying to find a woman again.

but yeah. just because I am avoiding it until I fix my own life, doesnt mean I dont desire it. Unfulfilled natural desires SUCK both emotionally and physically for me. (I may be an aspergian, but I feel that I am a very clingy guy. I should get a bit of a gut and become a teddy bear :/). Lets just say I am happy I have a hand to use sometimes.


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03 Jan 2010, 12:08 am

Tias wrote:
- I think you should have sex with someone you REALLY love, you're only a virgin once, so once you have sex, you arent....So it should be with someone special. --> Most people nowadays just have sex due to various lame reasons ("cause it's cool" "All the other boys i know have done it" and etc)

- My morals. If i wouldn't have any, i would most likely just have went off, got freaking drunk and had my friend arrange something for me. But i just think it's wrong to do something like that, and i just cant bring myself to have sex with some random person

- Shyness/not very open, bad at communicating and etc.

I was close to having lost my virginity to my ex, but didn't.
And also glad i didn't.

So to sum it up, i guess i'm a virgin cause i'm like trying to find something like "The right one", lol -_-


That whole "find the right one" BS is just social programming that only hinders you in taking care of yourself.



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03 Jan 2010, 12:29 am

Seanmw wrote:
Shebakoby wrote:
Janissy wrote:
Shebakoby wrote:
Janissy wrote:
Shebakoby wrote:
the most basic being the overwhelming pre-emptive rejection from guys. And by pre-emptive rejection I mean, the way they treated me all through the years made it clear that I wasn't going to get anywhere with them. Not that I tried, after puberty.

.


When you say "all through the years" are you talking about childhood? I just ask because you said "not that I tried, after puberty". Just for the record, boys are supposed to reject you before they hit puberty. It's a natural developmental phase. I think you should try again, if you are up for it. I've written too many posts pleading with men to not categorize all women according to experiences they have had in the past. This applies to women not categorizing men, too. There is no such thing as pre-rejected. Just as all women are individuals, so are all men. Those you have known are not predictive of those you have yet to meet.


It started in the childhood years. It CONTINUED after puberty. And since it was every single boy that I encountered in school, you'll excuse me for generalizing.

And this was two different sets of schools.

Why would I try after puberty if all the boys AFTER puberty hated me and made it abundantly clear?


You're an adult now. Men are different from boys. Give them another try. Here's a girl-tip (hopefully not too NT girly). Give older men a chance. Men who are older than you will automatically give you attractiveness bonus points just for being younger than them. You are 36 (I looked). Turn your eye towards the middle aged men. Yes, the single ones are probably on the rebound from a divorce or are confirmed bachelors, but that doesn't mean you are pre-rejected by them. The fact that you are younger than them is a bonus in their eyes- truth! And your inexperience is not percieved with the negativity that it would be if you were a man of the same age.


yeah but I'm not hot anymore so there goes that idea. Men that age want 20something blonde bombshells. Not a slightly overweight former blonde. Besides, someone that much older than me, I don't think I'd like that. Too much temptation for them to try to treat me like a child.

And in THIS town? Many men that age DRINK. I do not want an alcoholic.
actually guys wanting "blonde bombshells" is such a cliche and often untrue stereotype.
some prefer brunettes, some prefer redheads.

and you don't have to be a "bombshell" for people to find you attractive. looks are only half of the equation.

for example plenty of girls your age are still finding people to be with. it's a fact. it's not impossible.
my mom's like 40 and she found a few boyfriends after my parents got divorced. the current one's working out nicely.

and wanting to watch cartoons and stuff, and being silly isn't going to put the nails in your coffin either.
it can be pretty cute haha.
my stepsister's like that and she just got married not too long ago.
so i've thwarted your second excuse.


My mom's drilled it into my head that it WILL put nails in my coffin. At least, it would put nails in the coffin for any guy that has a good job and such. Like, she tries to make out that someone who'd accept my quirks MUST have SOMETHING wrong with them that would make them lazy and/or unable to work, or otherwise undesirable/'the wrong kind of person'.

I've been told my lack of experience in a relationship is 'baggage' equal to or greater than the 'baggage' people gain from experience in relationships. This somehow makes me undesirable, or less desirable than someone my age who's actually had experience.



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03 Jan 2010, 12:30 am

Why yes!
I am!


Not in spirit though. hehe.

Edit: I answered this completely the wrong way! :lol:

I'm a virgin cause I haven't had sex.


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03 Jan 2010, 12:56 am

Because I don't have a viable way to meet women. For me to get to know anyone, male or female, I have to be around them numerous times in a casual environment where I can get to know them through observation and interaction rather than talking. I haven't had any opportunities to get to know women in this fashion.



lewdi28792
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06 Jan 2010, 2:18 pm

as for me, women do not want me because of my age(41); im a little overweight(but not severely over either); im epileptic; cannot read other peoples emotions, body language, social cues; geeky; im just plain defective.

and the biggest reason why:

NO AUTIES OR ASPIES OR EPILEPTICS IN MY AREA I CAN SOCIALIZE OR BUDDY AROUND WITH ! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !

i would really like a suitable woman for me to commit to and start a family with (preferred method - sex w/o birth control - the way the lord intended OR by adoption) but one fact i have forced myself to face - THAT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN IN THIS LIFETIME - NO WAY IN HE**! !! !! !! !! !!



VincentVanJones
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06 Jan 2010, 9:25 pm

Why am I a virgin? It may have to do with the fact I have not had sex yet :P



David1981
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07 Jan 2010, 4:36 am

lewdi28792 wrote:
as for me, women do not want me because of my age(41); im a little overweight(but not severely over either); im epileptic; cannot read other peoples emotions, body language, social cues; geeky; im just plain defective.

and the biggest reason why:

NO AUTIES OR ASPIES OR EPILEPTICS IN MY AREA I CAN SOCIALIZE OR BUDDY AROUND WITH ! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !

i would really like a suitable woman for me to commit to and start a family with (preferred method - sex w/o birth control - the way the lord intended OR by adoption) but one fact i have forced myself to face - THAT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN IN THIS LIFETIME - NO WAY IN HE**! !! !! !! !! !!


Well, I am younger than you (28) and I don't have epilepsy. I am out of shape but not really overweight. Other than that, my situation is similar to yours. Much like yourself, I live away from any concentration of fellow Aspies, thus restricting any ability to find an Aspie girl to go out with.

I would LOVE to have a girlfriend but I don't think I really want to get married. I'd like to have a steady girlfriend that I frequently visit and spend time with. I really do not want to have children, either by procreation nor adoption. I am barely treading water as it is. Having a child would probably send me over the edge!