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have you ever been a target of a PUA (pick-up artist)?

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Erisad
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06 Jun 2011, 8:24 am

hyperlexian wrote:
Erisad wrote:
I have and it's not cool. Luckily we didn't date for very long as he cheated on me with a girl that was willing to put out. We kinda did a friends with benefits thing after that. The thing that gets me is, I can tell a difference between when he was dating me and when we were FWB. He definitely was applying PUA stuff when we were dating. Lots of compliments, enchanting words, all ended up being hollow. He's a lot more honest (I think) now that we're not together. I pity him. The girl he cheated on me for is pregnant with another man's child while still living in my ex's house. He can't get a second look from girls these days. He admitted to me that he deserved it all and I could tell that he really meant it. In a moment of weakness he admitted to me that he manipulated me and I have every right to hate him. Now I don't know if that was another PUA move to stay in my good graces or what. Basically, he applied them earlier and even if he stopped using them, I'm always going to question his motives. :/

that is fascinating that you got to see his two personas (personae? whatever), which gave you a perspective that most of us would not experience... as well as seeing his eventual downfall.


Well...he IS a gemini so I saw different personas all the time. It was confusing and annoying. You would think seeing his downfall would make me happy but it doesn't. Probably because we're still friends and I want what's best for him but he won't be anywhere near my heart ever again and he knows it.



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06 Jun 2011, 8:41 am

LostAlien wrote:
cdfox7 wrote:
LostAlien wrote:

A guy came up to me and made sexual overtures towards me in a club (it was closing and the music was off). I pushed him away and tried to give him a very verbal clear no.

Me: "I'm not interested"
Him: "So"
Me: "That means I'm not attracted to you"
Him: "So"
Me: "I have a boyfriend and am well satisfied by him" (a lie because I was single at the time)
Him "Well, he's not here"
Me: "buzz off insect" (derisive tone)
Him: "That's rude"

I realise the "buzz off insect" was rude but at this point I was scared s**tless and didn't want to show it. He left me alone after that but I was scared that he'd try something. I would guess that this guy was just a jerk and not a PUA though.


mmm...can you describe the body language involved between you and him please.

It was about seven years ago so my memory is a bit blurry, I know I crossed my arms and that I backed up a little each time I felt he invaded my space.


ok np, non verbal communication speaks 100 time more that what you say & the tone of voice you use. When your non verbal clear say "back off" with it backing up what you say then you can get rid of people very quickly from you.

If you understand how to make and build rapport with non verbal communication then you have skills and knowledge to do the opposite to get people to keep away from you.


Anti-PUA tip: Knowledge and practice for rapport building techniques will arm you with the tools to get an PUA to back off you very fast!!



cdfox7
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06 Jun 2011, 8:59 am

Wallourdes wrote:
I've heard of NLP and hypnotherapy but never really looked into it, I might as well do this.
The videos where informative beyond words, thanks :wink:.


I do hope that will you use them ethically,
as my help and Knowledge in the areas of both NLP and hypnotherapy are in this context a double-edged sword.

As this will do two things:
  1. Educated people into the techniques used and how to combat them.
  2. Educated PUAs on how to improve there 'game'


Now sir if you do wish to use that knowledge for PUA than you might risk an courtesy call from me
in person the next time am in Holland, do you understand me now :wink:



jrjones9933
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06 Jun 2011, 9:31 am

It sounds like the ethical use of these techniques consists of presenting your real self in a way that increase your chances of achieving a desired result, as opposed to presenting a false self constructed to achieve a desired result. The ethical use also includes making your desired result known in a more positive manner.

I sometimes read posts from socially unsuccessful people who seem very nice, but communicate things in a way that puts people off. I worry about people who experience such crushing disappointment that they start to contemplate taking extreme measures.


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wefunction
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06 Jun 2011, 10:05 am

This thread is starting to feel like homework.



LostAlien
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06 Jun 2011, 11:08 am

cdfox7 wrote:
ok np, non verbal communication speaks 100 time more that what you say & the tone of voice you use. When your non verbal clear say "back off" with it backing up what you say then you can get rid of people very quickly from you.

If you understand how to make and build rapport with non verbal communication then you have skills and knowledge to do the opposite to get people to keep away from you.


Anti-PUA tip: Knowledge and practice for rapport building techniques will arm you with the tools to get an PUA to back off you very fast!!

I thought I did, my tone was not nice or kindly after he said the first "so" and I crossed my arms when he said the first "so" too. He probably just was a git and not actually for real but the thing that I remember clearest about it was the fact I felt afraid of what he might do.


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wefunction
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06 Jun 2011, 11:18 am

Wallourdes wrote:
@wefunction

Although the signals you are given might be plain for you, this isn't the case for most men to notice. Men and subtle signals don't really mix in general. Besides that, signals given and recieved could mean more things then what's obvious for you. So doing the mating dance gives better chances at success then asking it boldly, since most girls don't respond to well to such direct suggestions (afraid to be called a whore, slut and such...).


Oh, I understand that. In my case, I've been told that my eyes talk and, over the years, I've come to realize that my eyes do betray me when I'm trying to lie. After a guy is with me, he can tell when I want him based on how I look at him... which he tends to say after it's been confirmed otherwise and, in most times, when he's experienced it more than once. If it weren't for people telling me this is how it is, I wouldn't know. And, I've also come to observe that what they're telling me is true and, despite how much I've worked on it, I can't change it. This has been told to me about more than just my sexual inclinations but about my anger, my pain, my happiness, and so on. My eyes are big fat blabbermouths. That being said, I appreciate a good mating dance as long as it's honest. I did not appreciate my Noah Wyle look-a-like's show because it wasn't real; and that is something I learned after the fact, unfortunately. I have been wooed with proper intentions. There's a story about a mechanic that I could tell... but suffice it to say that the memory still makes me smile.



cdfox7
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06 Jun 2011, 11:24 am

LostAlien wrote:
cdfox7 wrote:
ok np, non verbal communication speaks 100 time more that what you say & the tone of voice you use. When your non verbal clear say "back off" with it backing up what you say then you can get rid of people very quickly from you.

If you understand how to make and build rapport with non verbal communication then you have skills and knowledge to do the opposite to get people to keep away from you.


Anti-PUA tip: Knowledge and practice for rapport building techniques will arm you with the tools to get an PUA to back off you very fast!!

I thought I did, my tone was not nice or kindly after he said the first "so" and I crossed my arms when he said the first "so" too. He probably just was a git and not actually for real but the thing that I remember clearest about it was the fact I felt afraid of what he might do.


that might be, well body language gives people difference messages based on a person's past experiences so he might of misread your non verbal cues to him. Also did you break eye contact with him? As ending eye contact is another non verbal message saying "am finished talking with you now"



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06 Jun 2011, 12:32 pm

cdfox7 wrote:
Wallourdes wrote:
I've heard of NLP and hypnotherapy but never really looked into it, I might as well do this.
The videos where informative beyond words, thanks :wink:.


I do hope that will you use them ethically,
as my help and Knowledge in the areas of both NLP and hypnotherapy are in this context a double-edged sword.

As this will do two things:
  1. Educated people into the techniques used and how to combat them.
  2. Educated PUAs on how to improve there 'game'

Now sir if you do wish to use that knowledge for PUA than you might risk an courtesy call from me
in person the next time am in Holland, do you understand me now :wink:


Yes ma'am! :salut: :lol:


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LostAlien
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06 Jun 2011, 12:33 pm

cdfox7 wrote:
that might be, well body language gives people difference messages based on a person's past experiences so he might of misread your non verbal cues to him. Also did you break eye contact with him? As ending eye contact is another non verbal message saying "am finished talking with you now"


I think after I said "buzz off insect" I may have looked away but I'm not sure. I thought keeping eye contact denoted a lack of fear if the face is blank though, I've learned a lot about body language since but I still have tones to learn.


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Erisad
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06 Jun 2011, 12:41 pm

I should get my BS meter repaired and upgraded so I can prevent being used by a PUA ever again. How...where would I go to get that upgraded? :lol:



cdfox7
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06 Jun 2011, 12:55 pm

Wallourdes wrote:
cdfox7 wrote:
Wallourdes wrote:
I've heard of NLP and hypnotherapy but never really looked into it, I might as well do this.
The videos where informative beyond words, thanks :wink:.


I do hope that will you use them ethically,
as my help and Knowledge in the areas of both NLP and hypnotherapy are in this context a double-edged sword.

As this will do two things:
  1. Educated people into the techniques used and how to combat them.
  2. Educated PUAs on how to improve there 'game'

Now sir if you do wish to use that knowledge for PUA than you might risk an courtesy call from me
in person the next time am in Holland, do you understand me now :wink:


Yes ma'am! :salut: :lol:


That news for me having a sex change now 8O am a man :P



Wallourdes
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06 Jun 2011, 1:03 pm

cdfox7 wrote:
Wallourdes wrote:
cdfox7 wrote:
Wallourdes wrote:
I've heard of NLP and hypnotherapy but never really looked into it, I might as well do this.
The videos where informative beyond words, thanks :wink:.


I do hope that will you use them ethically,
as my help and Knowledge in the areas of both NLP and hypnotherapy are in this context a double-edged sword.

As this will do two things:
  1. Educated people into the techniques used and how to combat them.
  2. Educated PUAs on how to improve there 'game'

Now sir if you do wish to use that knowledge for PUA than you might risk an courtesy call from me
in person the next time am in Holland, do you understand me now :wink:


Yes ma'am! :salut: :lol:


That news for me having a sex change now 8O am a man :P


Did I say ma'am, I meant man. yes man! :P


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cdfox7
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06 Jun 2011, 1:06 pm

LostAlien wrote:
cdfox7 wrote:
that might be, well body language gives people difference messages based on a person's past experiences so he might of misread your non verbal cues to him. Also did you break eye contact with him? As ending eye contact is another non verbal message saying "am finished talking with you now"


I think after I said "buzz off insect" I may have looked away but I'm not sure. I thought keeping eye contact denoted a lack of fear if the face is blank though, I've learned a lot about body language since but I still have tones to learn.


no keeping eye contact builds rapport. a good way to learn about body language is to people watch and also practice copying body language with a close friend.

When am out in the street & someone stops me to talk to them & don't wish to talk to them. I just quickly make eye contact then brake it use my tone of voice & body to back up what I say to them verbally eg. "no thank you" then I turn away from then.

I can brake rapport with people in less than half a min, as thats down to practice and training in NLP. With practice anyone can do that!!



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06 Jun 2011, 1:08 pm

Wallourdes wrote:
cdfox7 wrote:
Wallourdes wrote:

Yes ma'am! :salut: :lol:


That news for me having a sex change now 8O am a man :P


Did I say ma'am, I meant man. yes man! :P

LOL


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06 Jun 2011, 1:12 pm

cdfox7 wrote:
no keeping eye contact builds rapport. a good way to learn about body language is to people watch and also practice copying body language with a close friend.

When am out in the street & someone stops me to talk to them & don't wish to talk to them. I just quickly make eye contact then brake it use my tone of voice & body to back up what I say to them verbally eg. "no thank you" then I turn away from then.

I can brake rapport with people in less than half a min, as thats down to practice and training in NLP. With practice anyone can do that!!

Thank you very much, I was afraid something like this happening again and this helps me be less afraid. What is a good thing to do if they ignore the eye contact break bodylanguage-wise?


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