women have it harder(coming from a male)

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I wouldn't know who has it harder, because each gender has a separate set of issues to deal with.

In all honesty, I don't really think about it that much. Even then, it doesn't matter, because there's only one person I am interested in, and unfortunately, she is gone forever.

If you got some more interests and did some more things the infatuation will shift.

If you got some more interests and did some more things the infatuation will shift.

Went to college for six years (and was a TA as well). The girls only wanted a) older, wealthy males or b) bad boys not in school....they generally didn't date their male classmates.

And I've volunteered too.



I never said money was the only way to attract women, but the other ways-good looks or a bad boy persona-are things I will never have. I can at least try to get money (I used to actually have some, and women treated me better then).

Coming for someone who also studied for 6 years I must say universities aren't the best way to meet people to date. It may sound like I'm wrong, but from my experience, these days, most people I know don't date properly until they get into the work force. I didn't get a boyfriend I was really compatible with until I moved towns and worked for a huge company.

You may want to try volunteering somewhere else to meet people your age. Also do some activities and hobbies.

The reason it's so difficult is because she embodied all the ideals I desire in a partner. I put up with the lies, the paranoia, the broken promises, even the fact that she didn't want kids (I want kids) because it's very rare to find an Aspie who likes a lot of the things I do.

You consider lies, paranoia and broken promise as ideals that you desire in a partner? I am confused.

No, that's not what I meant. I meant that she had the same interests (the same taste in moves/music/TV, she liked to travel, she had a college degree). Yet I worry that if I focus on good inner qualities, I will end up with someone who is asexual, can't hold down a decent job, and just sits at home and plays video games and nothing else.

why don't you try dating a few different sorts and see which type fits with you best? staying stuck on someone years later is not going to help you find love and happiness in the future. she is gone, that is over, and clinging to her does you a disservice. you deserve better than the kind of treatment she gave you.

Thanks for clarifying that! But as for worrying about focusing on good inner qualities, that could better help you find the woman you are looking for. I used to focus on a guy's looks alone. When I started paying attention to their inner qualities, I was better able to be open to meeting someone like my fiance. I realized that while highly attractive males always caught my eye, I was genuinely attracted to more geeky, nerdy types.

Y'know going back to the whole suicide discussion...I do want to say something....

Chronos (comment removed by hyperlexian as it was both sexist and contained a personal attack) says that men who commit suicide have only themselves to blame. After all, they didn't seek out counseling. Counseling cannot solve suicidal thoughts...the only thing that can cure these feelings is having something to live for or making the person scared of suicide. I have nothing to live for personally but as I'm afraid of death, I'm still alive. Hopefully I will work up the courage some day...not that anyone here would care.

BS. Psychotherapy in fact saved my life. The only courage I worked up was to admit I needed help and find the therapist to help me.

Last edited by AsteroidNap on 12 Sep 2011, 11:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I like that advice. I have trouble understanding some of the non-verbal social cues that NTs expect us to instinctively know, when we don't. Yet the whole numbers game makes fnding another Aspie nearly impossible, much less one who likes traveling and has a high sex drive like me, and also wants to start a family.

Suicide can be induced by treatment from others. Mostly It's caused by physical hormone imbalance or underlying mental illness though.

I don't think women are the cause of most men killing themselves.

I'm not heartless SadAspy. You simply choose to see me that way because you sculpt your perception to fit your ideas. I could be Mother Theresa and you would conveniently overlook my acts of kindness.

I will, however, defend myself when attacked, whether I be attacked directly or generally, and ever since I have come to this forum I have been subject to attacks entirely unprovoked on my part, on the basis that I am a woman.

I did not come here with bitterness towards men, and write hostile, angry, slanderous posts about men in general, despite the fact that I've been treated rather poorly by some men with regards to dating in the past.

You will never find me doing that because the truth is, I accept that there are good people in the world and bad people in the world, and their sex has nothing to do with it. I also fully accept the fact that I have Asperger's Syndrome and everything that entails.

I will be honest with you, and I've said this before; It used to upset me when a man I found attractive didn't want anything to do with me, or people I wanted to be friends with didn't want to be friends with me. I thought they *should* want to associate with me because I was nice, honest, faithful and accepting person. But no matter how much I tried, it seemed I always fell short and there was always some other girl he was interested in, who was either prettier, more graceful, or less socially awkward or weird than me...usually all of the above.

I was not what they were looking for because they were wired to look for essentially NT girls and I am not NT.

What are my options? Date someone I am not attracted to? I have Asperger's Syndrome, I get stressed in social situations and so whoever I partner with I must be completely compatible with or I won't be able to deal with it. Create an NT alter ego for dating? But how long can I keep that up? About 2 months.....one month before I want to violently smash my head into a wall repeatedly. Eventually either I'll have a nervous breakdown or he'll figure out he got duped and leave. Hate the world for not being more accepting of people with Asperger's Syndrome? That's completely futile.

I do not blame a man I find attractive when he does not want to date me because I know he is looking for a woman that I can't be, due to inherent aspects of my physical self, or my personality and neurological makeup. I also know he has no control over who he finds attractive. That has been hardwired into him through evolution. How can I hate someone for something that is beyond their control?

That would be like someone hating me for something that's beyond my control, like having Asperger's Syndrome, and demanding I "just be normal", as if I could magically snap my fingers and think and operate like an NT.

I'm just not the woman he wants. I can't be the woman he wants, ok, fine, I'll just keep looking.

Sure, I might never find someone. But I've come to accept in life that I'm not a normal individual and some paths in life that seem to exist for everyone else just don't exist for me. And you know what? I can live with that. I've missed out on so many things I would have liked the opportunity to experience already and I'm still alive.

The good news - I really think that NT's are just as walled as we are in terms of watching certain things pass them by or worse, watch helplessly as their lives keep falling to the same mistakes. I think the happiest we can be is when we realize that its all a big illusion and that we're not really in control.