WTF is wrong with me?

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Yay!!

Thanks.

That was a million times worse than anything else I could have done.

He probably would have preferred it if I just shot him or something...

It seems a little ironic that the job which keeps you immersed in that environment involves making other men look good.

I panic about this stuff aswell, it seems like an obsession for me. I'm not good at simply enjoying something and moving on from it if its not working out. I also tend to end up with people who are Aspergers in their own way, and so its difficult anyway, so I never know when to quit, and hate being alone; its a mortal, existential fear.
People speak of the 'honeymoon period' when both parties are on their best behavior, or are enjoying their mutual obsessions. I think attractiveness lies in doing what you love to do and staying still in that, even when you do meet someone. Not becoming weak and needy as soon as they come along and becoming uncentred. But that's true for everyone, perhaps more for some than for others.

As for when to come out as Aspergers; you should be highlighting the ways that Aspergers is a benefit and a selling point for you, and not focus so much on the social side. maybe there are alternative ways of socialising or sharing feeling with people that suit you more than dating etc... then you could be advertising yourself through your aspergers rather than trying to conform and hiding it. More artistic mindsets are open to this - contemporary art scenes for example.

CElebrating your own Aspergers might even make you more interested in women who might have the condition too (e.g. dorks, nerds) to the point where you'll be noticing them in time to make moves, and wanting to make moves (promote/advertise yourself) in a way which suits you. This could include overcoming 'the friend zone'.


As for calling someone out on cheating; I'm in a position right now where I could do that to someone who has hurt me very badly, but I have decided so far not to. Perhaps I'm being too nice.

One thing I might suggest, Grisha, is that whenever you're having your photo taken you're never looking anywhere near the camera. You always seem to be looking away, averting your gaze. Why is that? It makes you look... odd. If you do this in other social situations also that's perhaps something to work on. I hate to say this 'cos you're a nice bloke but that can make you look... er... 'ret*d' (even though you're obviously a clever chap).

Thanks for the thoughtful reply!

Yes, it's ironic but I am quite satisfied with this arrangement. My social skills are far too poor for me to be successful on the traditional career path. I am launching a new project that might even make it unnecessary for me to do consulting works any longer, it would be really cool if it works out.

My experience generally confirms your ideas about the benefit of being open about my AS. Back when I did online dating, the quality (not quantity) of dates I got improved significantly when I "outed" myself, I would do it again if I ever decide to go back to it.

Yes, you probably are too nice I never regretted what I did even when I learned that her boyfriend's wife tried to run her car off the road once...

I wrote the OP while I was in an extended depressive episode and it really doesn't accurately reflect how I feel today.

My main problems are really not complicated: I'm old, I don't smile much, and perhaps Orange County (California) isn't the best environment for me to be living in. I should be living somewhere more urban...

Last edited by Surfman on 03 Oct 2011, 1:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

Point taken, it takes an extremely consistent conscious effort for me to do so - my Aspie brain simply can't tell me what I'm supposed to be looking at...

Like the way people pose in early photography - theyre awesome!! pioneers, chain gangs etc

Oh my god. I totally do this - it takes at least 5 minutes of the person with the camera being all 'Emma, look over here..NO, over here!!'

His all dick.

I just hate looking at cameras.

Hehe, telling someone you have a mental disability makes it seem like you're going to use that to make excuses for everything.

Perhaps. I was explaining why I couldn't make small talk with him. I was trying, though.

I tend to spill everything out, especially when the man is quiet.

have thought how good it would be to have anaspergers specific dating site for people with similar interests to meet and date, or even a matching service. i guess if you have lots in common the its a good start and if the other person is aspergers also then there is less to figuer out and i think also less to explain about who you are. Dont know but makes sense to me, i guess i will have to try it one day.