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TeaEarlGreyHot
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26 Jan 2012, 1:54 pm

Tequila wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
they are less likely to intervene or get help if the bystander thinks there is a romantic relationship involved.


Intervening in that sort of quarrel - even when a man is physically beating a woman - can be extremely dangerous to one's safety as the woman turns on you and attacks you along with her partner even when you were trying to come to her aid. There are some mad women out there.


This can certainly happen, but it's not because the woman is 'mad'. An abused woman is likely to defend her abuser for many reasons.


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Tequila
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26 Jan 2012, 2:07 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
An abused woman is likely to defend her abuser for many reasons.


Which is why you're best off leaving them to it by not getting involved yourself.



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26 Jan 2012, 2:22 pm

i'd step in anyways, and have done so in the past regardless of potential consequences. the possibility of me being harmed is extremely remote, and i don't care if it annoys them when i get involved. doing the right thing for the right reasons is important to me, even if it is thankless. besides, if safety is a worry, one can dial emergency services


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26 Jan 2012, 2:27 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
i'd step in anyways, and have done so in the past regardless of potential consequences. the possibility of me being harmed is extremely remote, and i don't care if it annoys them when i get involved. doing the right thing for the right reasons is important to me, even if it is thankless. besides, if safety is a worry, one can dial emergency services


What she said.


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26 Jan 2012, 2:32 pm

I think I have a stalker at present :/


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TeaEarlGreyHot
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26 Jan 2012, 2:38 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
i'd step in anyways, and have done so in the past regardless of potential consequences. the possibility of me being harmed is extremely remote, and i don't care if it annoys them when i get involved. doing the right thing for the right reasons is important to me, even if it is thankless. besides, if safety is a worry, one can dial emergency services


I've been a witness to it more than once, and I had no idea what to do about it. I'll be honest, I just stood there. I'd like to think I would help anyone in need of it but the reality is I have been in enough domestic situations to know I'm incapable of dealing with the reaction to my intervening.

Beyond that, I know what it's like to be that abused woman. Intervention certainly wasn't welcome and often drove me closer to my abuser, alienating the person trying to help me.

Basically, getting involved can do more harm than good.


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26 Jan 2012, 2:41 pm

Fullofstars wrote:
Lilya wrote:
:lmao:

I'd better not even get started on this topic, so I'll just settle for saying "yes".



(((hugs)))


HUGS back. Please take care :(


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hyperlexian
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26 Jan 2012, 2:49 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
i'd step in anyways, and have done so in the past regardless of potential consequences. the possibility of me being harmed is extremely remote, and i don't care if it annoys them when i get involved. doing the right thing for the right reasons is important to me, even if it is thankless. besides, if safety is a worry, one can dial emergency services


I've been a witness to it more than once, and I had no idea what to do about it. I'll be honest, I just stood there. I'd like to think I would help anyone in need of it but the reality is I have been in enough domestic situations to know I'm incapable of dealing with the reaction to my intervening.

Beyond that, I know what it's like to be that abused woman. Intervention certainly wasn't welcome and often drove me closer to my abuser, alienating the person trying to help me.

Basically, getting involved can do more harm than good.

it could do harm and it could do good. i think it's not up to me to decide what would be best for another couple, and someone intervening can at least stop the violence in that moment until law enforcement can sort it out. plus more than one woman has been severely hurt or killed with bystanders doing nothing because they assumed that she was in a relationship with her attacker and didn't want to get involved, but it turned out to be a stranger.


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Tequila
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26 Jan 2012, 2:51 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
the possibility of me being harmed is extremely remote


It's not like that here. Getting involved with a man beating a woman here (you can often tell they're both dog rough) would be very ill-advised because they often unite and give the hapless Good Samaritan a kicking.



Last edited by Tequila on 26 Jan 2012, 2:52 pm, edited 2 times in total.

TeaEarlGreyHot
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26 Jan 2012, 2:51 pm

Of course. I suppose I just over-think things sometimes.


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hyperlexian
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26 Jan 2012, 3:04 pm

Tequila wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
the possibility of me being harmed is extremely remote


It's not like that here. Getting involved with a man beating a woman here (you can often tell they're both dog rough) would be very ill-advised because they often unite and give the hapless Good Samaritan a kicking.

lol it's not that common, though it does happen occasionally. look it up. even if it happened a few times it is still a very small proportion of the number of assaults that are reported.


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Tequila
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26 Jan 2012, 3:16 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
lol it's not that common, though it does happen occasionally. look it up. even if it happened a few times it is still a very small proportion of the number of assaults that are reported.


I think that really it depends a lot on the circumstances.



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26 Jan 2012, 3:27 pm

Tequila wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
lol it's not that common, though it does happen occasionally. look it up. even if it happened a few times it is still a very small proportion of the number of assaults that are reported.


I think that really it depends a lot on the circumstances.

circumstances like what?


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Tequila
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26 Jan 2012, 3:28 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
circumstances like what?


Well, if there are two pissed-up chavs screaming at each other and fighting, you leave them to it.



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26 Jan 2012, 3:55 pm

Tequila wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
circumstances like what?


Well, if there are two pissed-up chavs screaming at each other and fighting, you leave them to it.

i see. i don't leave them alone either. i'd say something like 90% of the time i've seen relief on their faces. in my experience it's rare that people actually want to follow through with a fight. they'd mostly rather posture then have someone intervene. not all the time, of course. i take the chance though.

but we weren't talking about 2 chavs, we were talking about domestic disputes.


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Tequila
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26 Jan 2012, 3:58 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
i see. i don't leave them alone either.


The problem is, though, is that these sorts of people often are looking for fights/people to assault. That's the big difference compared to someone getting a bit angry (which I rarely see, anyway).

Quote:
but we weren't talking about 2 chavs, we were talking about domestic disputes.


I was talking about violent chavs in relationships. With people who are drunk and aggressive like that who look rough and are screaming abuse at each other, not getting involved is often the best course of action. If you're bothered, call the police and let them deal with the same couple they've seen 50 times already anyway.