The problem with letting a woman know you care about looks

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The_Face_of_Boo
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31 May 2012, 9:20 am

What if the L&D is created by Alex,

So he can sell anger-remedy pills

Image



TM
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31 May 2012, 9:43 am

We can have the "just being honest" and "who is wrong" debate on this issue to death, but the fact is men care what a woman looks like, women want to be loved regardless of their looks. It's one of those fundamental gender differences in regards to expectations. It's one of those "He probably still loves you, just isn't attracted to you" moments. There is no such thing as unconditional love, and to help the guys out, its OK to feel this way, just don't tell the woman you moron.

Personally, I don't get why judging someone based on looks is somehow worse than judging their personality, intelligence or other non-visual characteristics. Both genders place expectations on their partner, IE that some characteristics that their partner had when they met are to be maintained, both genders view their own demands as perfectly reasonable and the demands of the other gender as unreasonable.

The "opportunity costs" are similar to both genders and I'd say it hits males harder than it does females, hence why men tend to always lose out in the reproductive race. Some women in this thread, seem to think that they are owed a relationship with a man who puts up with all their s**t without expecting said male to require the woman to put up with any of his s**t.



The_Face_of_Boo
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31 May 2012, 9:50 am

What if the MXh and Dogswithouthorses always fight



because they secretly fancy each other?

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edgewaters
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31 May 2012, 9:52 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
What if the L&D is created by Alex,

So he can sell anger-remedy pills



:lol:

He could at least be honest and change the name from Love & Dating to Hate & Raving



MXH
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31 May 2012, 10:16 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
What if the MXh and Dogswithouthorses always fight



because they secretly fancy each other?

Image


If that where the case then let me not start with you and the rest of the girls :lol:



TM
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31 May 2012, 10:22 am

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
CaptainTrips222 wrote:
ValentineWiggin wrote:
MXH wrote:

Patriarchy, being the belief that men being the head class and superior to women has little to do with the beauty industries dash for cash.


Nope.

We need to look up some definitions, I see.

The fact that women aren't judged by men on looks alone doesn't change the fact that it's still the primary way a lot of men "assess" us,


Who the hell put you in anyone's head? You go and speak for half the world's population as if you're an authority, when all you have is your angst and sentiment. See, I'm just saying, if you go and make blanket statements, you make yourself look uninformed.


Women are judged on looks in all setting, even in business when it's largely irrelevant.
There are assumptions being made all over the place in this discussion.
It's interesting you picked this one to take issue with.


Looks are far from irrelevant in business, I've seen men who could solve differential equations in their head become totally useless due to a nice pair of breasts. I've seen hard-line businessmen fall for a nice pair of legs more often than I've seen them fall for rational argumentation. In fact a study I read not to long ago, said that attractive women should not send pictures attached to their CV on job applications because the mostly female-staffed HR offices were likely to discriminate against attractive women and in favor of attractive men.

Men are judged on looks in the exact same settings, if a man neglected to shave his face, showed up wearing fatigues, had on sneakers rather than dress shoes and decided to get dreads, it would impact his performance in business.



MXH
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31 May 2012, 10:29 am

Now now stop with all this sexist talk :roll:



mv
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31 May 2012, 10:42 am

TM wrote:
Looks are far from irrelevant in business, I've seen men who could solve differential equations in their head become totally useless due to a nice pair of breasts. I've seen hard-line businessmen fall for a nice pair of legs more often than I've seen them fall for rational argumentation. In fact a study I read not to long ago, said that attractive women should not send pictures attached to their CV on job applications because the mostly female-staffed HR offices were likely to discriminate against attractive women and in favor of attractive men.


I'm pretty sure she meant that in business a woman's looks are irrelevant to the woman's *performance*, and not "how a woman looks does not affect those around her." But that's a pretty funny misunderstanding!



The_Face_of_Boo
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31 May 2012, 10:47 am

TM wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
CaptainTrips222 wrote:
ValentineWiggin wrote:
MXH wrote:

Patriarchy, being the belief that men being the head class and superior to women has little to do with the beauty industries dash for cash.


Nope.

We need to look up some definitions, I see.

The fact that women aren't judged by men on looks alone doesn't change the fact that it's still the primary way a lot of men "assess" us,


Who the hell put you in anyone's head? You go and speak for half the world's population as if you're an authority, when all you have is your angst and sentiment. See, I'm just saying, if you go and make blanket statements, you make yourself look uninformed.


Women are judged on looks in all setting, even in business when it's largely irrelevant.
There are assumptions being made all over the place in this discussion.
It's interesting you picked this one to take issue with.




Men are judged on looks in the exact same settings, if a man neglected to shave his face, showed up wearing fatigues, had on sneakers rather than dress shoes and decided to get dreads, it would impact his performance in business.


True, http://money.cnn.com/2005/04/08/news/fu ... ful_money/



NTAndrew
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31 May 2012, 11:04 am

NTAndrew, by that post id say you probably fall more into omega male. Beta is the average guy that does get girls but not as many/ as goo as the alpha. Omega is the type that usually doesnt even get the scraps.[/quote]

"Omega Man"? I like that! And just like Charlton Heston, the last man on Earth in that movie, I don't get any either!

Self depreciating humor is another thing that turns the ladies off. Doh!! !!



NTAndrew
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31 May 2012, 11:53 am

Just because you haven't met the right person, doesn't mean that is how it works for everyone. I am married to a funny, sweet, smart guy who is probably an Aspie and he'll be the first to tell you he isn't a great looking guy (although he does have a winning smile and a pretty fit body). Yet I knew two other women who were sorely disappointed he married me instead of dating them. He denies it, he never noticed their interest, but it was well known among the women in our social circle.

I'm happy you two found each other. I truly am. But hearing such stories seem like fairy tales to me. Most of my best friends are women which generally does not bode well for romance, as women tend to see me as a big brother or father figure. They don't want to love me. They want to tell me horrible things about the men they are dating or to whom they are married. Someone described me as an Omega man. That is kind of accurate. I am the end of my genetic line.


Just because women stare at the good looking men, doesn't mean they marry them.

Same is true for men, actually. Not that they stare at good looking men...unless they are gay, and there is nothing wrong with that...well, you know what I mean. We like pretty women. We don't always marry them.


I am a mom, active in the schools, and surrounded by nothing but married couples. I know a lot of married men. I don't recognize your description; that isn't the people I know.

A lot of the single women I know were married to Alpha males. They had their kids. And now they are looking for other Alpha males, or a nice Beta male who will help them raise another man's children. And when they are feeling low, they talk to someone like me.


And, no, I don't agree that men are scum. Or that women are scum, too. That belief is what will keep you out of relationships; hard to be in one when you think so negatively about human nature. Get a little faith in people.

Yeah, I was feeling a little angry. The truth be told, I think all people are a mixed bag. I work in social services, so I see things. I've seen people I thought were wonderful do terrible things, and I have seen people who seem just awful turn around and do something incredibly selfless and beautiful.


I even have an older sister, never married, I need to fix up ... she's quite fit, too. And likes Everquest and Star Trek, camping and skiing. Any of you guys want to sell me on fixing you up with her?[/quote]

Perhaps your sister doesn't want to be "fixed up." She might be lonely, but perhaps she is okay being alone. I think that is where life has taken me. I'd like to be with someone, but not at the cost of who I am. And who I am doesn't seem to interest women.



The_Face_of_Boo
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31 May 2012, 12:24 pm

I am a Gamma man.

I haz radioctive farting powers.



mv
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31 May 2012, 12:26 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I am a Gamma man.

I haz radioctive farting powers.


Too many lentils. Or maybe juuuuuuust the right amount? :wink:



The_Face_of_Boo
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31 May 2012, 4:05 pm

mv wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I am a Gamma man.

I haz radioctive farting powers.


Too many lentils. Or maybe juuuuuuust the right amount? :wink:



juuuuuuust ..... the right amount...... a wink....

Unable to compute.



edgewaters
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31 May 2012, 4:22 pm

NTAndrew wrote:
Self depreciating humor is another thing that turns the ladies off. Doh!! !!


Nah, just depends. Self-deprecation can be used in ways that aren't down on yourself, exactly, just a humorous way of being comfortable with yourself sometimes.



ValentineWiggin
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31 May 2012, 4:30 pm

edgewaters wrote:
NTAndrew wrote:
Self depreciating humor is another thing that turns the ladies off. Doh!! !!


Nah, just depends. Self-deprecation can be used in ways that aren't down on yourself, exactly, just a humorous way of being comfortable with yourself sometimes.


I find it attractive. It shows a man isn't full of himself. I like people who can make fun of themselves.


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