Figuring out a girl I've met recently

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Well, at least it was an interesting experience! That is what I think life is about, the experiences we encounter and how we deal with them.

Let us know if she emails you begging for a date

Yeah, I have gotten so much out of this whole thing because of discussing it with you guys in detail. Without wanting to get all soft on you, while I don't really miss having a father (I do have one, of course, but I never had much contact to him), I do think that part of me being so inept with women is because I always lacked... you know, that father to son talk, getting tips how to behave and all that... guess you guys had to fill in.

And if THAT should ever happen, I will definitely post it here.

Allright, a little update on my situation, and again, I am grateful hearing your evaluation. While I tried to reduce writing her back, she seems to have a different oppinion on that, and since I need to practice in dealing with women (and the fact that I am only writing her and not seeing her in person is actually quite benefitial, since it eleminates my interpersonal insecurity and I can be a little more... well, myself), I figured I might try out some things I have learned now and actually tried to be a little ambigous myself and come over a littel flirty, and she gave me an opportunity to do so since she took one day off of visting her grandma all day, and it actually was quite fun, because I do think she reacted positively. We were writing back and forth, and then I said I was going to do some running (which was good because I am alot calmer and clearer in my mind after workout), and when I came back, I said I was going to take a shower, to which she replied immediately that she was about to do the same. So, to say something a little... well, flirty, I said "Let's see who's faster, ready, set, go!"... And she played along. When I came back from the shower, I had an E-mail just containing the message "Done "... and I said the corniest thing I have ever said in my life to a woman: "Damn you! Well, you know how they say, nice guys always finish last!". She didn't say anything to that, but we had a really great time after that and she seemed very cheerful, and while I feel a little bad that I am starting to play games with her and use her... well, as a test subject, I think I made her day a little bit because of spending time writing with her in a playful manner. Like I said, don't worry, I am not reverting back to "having feelings" for her, but do you think what I did came over as flirty? Because after all, that was my intention, and at least it cheered her up.

In my opinion; it's usually the chasers feelings that have the highest chances of being corrupted.

Therefore, it's important for you to BE the chaser. That way, the chances of someone being "Corrupt" are minimized.

How to go about that? Step 1: Actually fall in love with someone. Just be certain what you're feeling truly is love.

Heya again guys! It has been a while, and I have some updates again. So, like I said before, I am staying in contact with her to practice my guy-girl-skills, and I have been reading alot about this stuff online and tried to follow some guides I've read about online-dating and how to spot female affection, and I somehow get the feeling that it is actually working. Like I said, I've been playing a little "hard to get" with her, and it seemed to have greatly improved her display of affection for me, at least as far as I can tell. I know not all women are the same, but according to the various "checklists" that you can find online, I am really, really starting to think she is into me. Either that, or she is putting alot of effort into faking it. I have tried to be very ambigious with how I talk to her, both teasing her - ignoring her reaction that had the goal to find out if was serious or not - and making her compliments, which she actually acknowledged, and quite cheerfully so. There has been some other things that make me think I am actually doing something right (she's been sending me "good night" messages and stuff like that, and using alot of wink-smiley emoticons, which I have read is a sign of the woman being rather flirty in text messages... that correct?).
Like I said, I have no plan to ask her out again, but her recent behaviour has made me thinking... is she expecting me to ask her out again? It wouldn't make sense, but I have learned that women don't really make sense when it comes to romantic interest, and that they are more subtle and indirect... so what do you think? Should I give her some kind of clue that if she wants this to go anywhere she had to make a move now. Not that I am really bent on "finally" hooking up with her (like I said, I am more or less over the whole thing), but I am curious what the best course of action would be... after all, I'm still learning, and it is quite fun actually.

Does she have a cell phone/mobile? Get that # and text it instead of this email business, unless she prefers email. But usually that is the next step in intimacy. I would write to her something like this "I haven't seen you in a while, do you want to catch a movie next thursday? I heard ___ is really good"

No need to be nervous, nothing to lose

Thanks again for your input. The thing is, she actually helped me in a way. We talked about our schedules for next term, and she asked me what classes I was going to take. She wasn't sure which to choose between two that were at the same time, and I told her which one I was going to attend, and she replied immediately that she was going to take the same so we can take the courses together. Maybe she just wants my help again (which I am pretty sure of she does, no matter what), but I told her not to get her hopes up because I will be very busy next term. She said she didn't mind and was glad she could be together with me.
She seems to prefer email... and actually, me myself, I do as well. I will see her on monday, so I guess I can wait that half-a week until then. Telephone is actually my least prefered method of communications, E-mail is fine, in person is fine.

One thing of note: While she still brings up that she has "a guy" every now and then, I have actually tried her out in this regard... she always seems to bring that topic up when I tell her I will be going out with other lady friends - at least the last times, these two things coincided: I told her I was meeting with the daughter of my mom's friend, and at the end of the conversation, she rather randomly drops "her guy". Now, I will not overanalyze it, but I am at least somewhat convinced that either there is nothing serious going on between her and "the guy", and/or she is talking about one of her ex's as "her guy" (she only mentioned him when referencing to past events, so who knows).

And another thing that keeps me thinking: I was trying out something I've read about telling women that you have standards, as to make them compare themselves to those standards. I did that, and used that as an excuse to drop that I was single. She told me a very brief story about one of her ex's (nothing special, really... I'd say even I would talk about an ex like that if I had one), and then she said something along the lines: "And enjoy your time as single... the right one might be there faster than you'd think ". Again, not wanting to be the overanalyzer that I am, but I have never ever been in a situation where I had to interpret such a statement... is she just trying to cheer me up, or did that stupid trick with "Let her know you have high standards" actually work?

It really is a matter of interpretation. The way she said "the right one might be there faster than you think " could be taken as "Aww, poor you, you'll find someone" or "I'm the right one, right here "

I lean towards the first option as I am a pessimist. But the truth is she has declined your invitation for a date several times.

How will you see her on Monday? School? Or did you ask her out?

Well, I too tend to lean towards the "just cheering me up" option. Alas, we have been writing a bit more now, and I jokingly remarked that I didn't share her optimism, and she replied along the lines of saying that she absolutely sure I will meet the right one that can live up to my expectations, and that she had a couple of other things to say but she'd prefer to talk about these things with me in private if I wanted to... I said yes, but she went to sleep, so I guess I see where it goes from where we left off tomorrow.

Yes, I will see her during lessons in college on monday... at least if she is true to her word and attends the same classes as me. So who knows, I am actually rather hyped about this whole thing... not because I have feelings or anything, but it is rather exciting stuff and so new... can't wait to see what happens next ^^. Can't help but feel like in an interactive computer game somehow:).

*Edit*
Almost forgot something that may be important. She has said "I like you" to me two times now, always in the same context after we were discussing various issues we were individually having at the moment, she said that despite all this, she liked me. Does that change anything?

[quote="starryeyedvoyager"] and that she had a couple of other things to say but she'd prefer to talk about these things with me in private if I wanted to


She has said "I like you" to me two times now[/quote]

The first one is interesting. I would pursue this avenue and see where it goes. It could be she is interested in you, and wants to say so in person. Or she could have some "tips" on how to interact better with females.

The second one could mean many things. Next time try responding "Haha, I like you too! "

Keep me updated

Thanks, I will do so. I did figure she might wanted to hear a more definitive statement from me when she said she liked me. I've looked around a bit, and appearently women usually throw out "I like you" to everyone and it does take them some courage to say that, so I guess whatever the motivation, it is a good sign. I didn't reply anything in particular to that, as I was unsure where she was going with this, but I'll try it out. Since we talked ALOT yesterday and everything happened to rapidly, I figured I will keep her hanging a little bit with writing her again... we will see each other again on monday, anyhow, so might as well leave HER puzzling about my intentions for a change... at least how it looks like from where I'm standing, I have maneuvered myself into a rather comfortable and strong position with her, and I do think no matter where this all goes, she does have a keen interest in me, one way or the other... after all, she has been writing with me every single day for the past... I don't know, 3 to 4 weeks, and I guess she wouldn't have done so if she wasn't at least a little bit into me... after all, like I said, I made it clear that I cannot be there for her next term like I was with that paper we wrote.

Ok, another small update, and at least if she really is honest with me, I think I must have made some pretty good moves. The closer we get to monday, the more cheerful she gets about seeing me... if you'd ask me, today it actually became a little too much, which is why I am still a little suspicious.
First of all, after I mentioned I went to school in the US for a while (Can you hear me out there, you Columbine High School Rebels?), she dropped while discussing what we were going to eat today (something she has brought up as of late) that she always ate what I did today (Cesar's Salad, that is) in the US, and said I had "a good taste" (too bad that I am not spontaneous at all... a good response would have been "Well, how do you know if you've never took a bite of me?" Well, save that for the next time). Anyhow, she stressed in multiple mails how she is looking forward to monday (and seeing me on four days a week straight), and how the two of us "are going to have so much fun together", and with ALOT of emoticons. Either she fears of losing me as someone who can help her out with college stuff, or I she is actually becoming a little attached to me... or she's on drugs or something. Before I start the ol' overanalyzing me, do I read too much into that or is that how people talk if they are affectionate? Only asking because, like I've said, never been in a situation where a woman - let alone one as hot as her - has shown interest in me, so again, any input is welcome.

As I've said previously, I would take it slowly. Do not become the chaser, but do show her that you are interested in her. Also, don't try to come up with too many funny/spontaneous replies, for some reason this ends up getting old.

Say you're looking forward to seeing her and such, but minimise thoughts of a romantic relationship. If anything, wait until you have the person to person talk

Just play it cool and see what happens Monday. Best case scenario she likes you and wants to pursue something romantic. Worst case? You have a really hot female friend.

Thanks, that is the consesus I have reached with myself as well. Either I'll find someone who likes me as a partner, or someone that will hopefully become a really close friend that opens the door to new social circles. Anyhow, I am more than curious what'll happen next.

Okay, one last update before monday: She asked me out for coffee before monday's first lesson starts (I figured she would do that because it is more efficient and she doesn't have to spend extra time on me... wow, I am slowly starting to figure women out), and I actually planned on declining that because to me, that is the prime example of " I only want you as a college buddy. Not even a real buddy to hook up with outside of college, just a learning crutch that does my homework for me." but she said she "wanted to make it up to me that she didn't have the time to meet with me" and wanted me to know that she wouldn't have liked the feeling of just squeezing me into her schedule and not taking enough time for me... I know these are cheap flake excuses, but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt because of what she said in today's last mail: She was going to sleep early today to meet with her best girl friend to "have my hair done " (that "my" refers to her, of course, since I was quoting... with that winky smiley). I still think she sending very mixed signals. Blammo, what's you call on this one^^?

I'd see her for coffee. I don't see the harm and declining could only sour things.

So far I see you travelling on a road. The road is currently a broad one and is mainly friendly. You can take many smaller roads off of it, but this one is the easiest to remain on for now.

So go see her for coffee! The fact she realises she has blown you off before is good, but the fact that she is keeping you in/near school seems like friendzoning.

I don't see why you shouldn't see her for coffee

The only thing I have in the back of my mind is to be careful to not give away too many notes/answers to her. Even if she does want to be friends it is possible she is subconciously (or hell, conciously) using you to help her with schoolwork.

Best of luck my friend!