What is the main reason why guys have to do the approaching?

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hehe you're awesome.

For real.

Well done, actually approaching the guys you're into. Most women don't seem willing to do that. It takes balls. Even more so for a woman, I'd imagine.

A lot of people, of both genders, seem dissatisfied with the current social expectations regarding dating. Where all risk of embarassment is on men, and women's choices are limited. Only way I can see it changing is if more women do what you do.

Cool! I consider myself a shy intellectual too. My first gf contacted ME first on a dating site and made all the first moves. Wish there were a lot more like you!

awesome, nice, inspiring story

Because women want it easy... that why

I think that's an oversimplification.

I agree that, the way things are now, men have to take on a disproportionate share of the risk of rejection. But there are a couple of things to keep in mind.

First is that a woman approaching a man faces all of the same difficulties as a man approaching a woman; fear of rejection, embarassment, etc. On top of that, she also has to go against years of conditioning teaching her that that's not how a woman is supposed to act. With it being that much harder for them to take the initiative, is it really surprising that fewer of them do so?

Second is that there are plenty of women out there just as dissatisfied with the current system because it limits their choices to those men who notice and approach them. Don't assume because you find your appointed gender role unappealing that there are no downsides to the other.

It takes courage for anyone, regardless of gender, to put themselves out there in that way. I think those women who do so are to be encouraged because regular exposure to women in the active role is the only way that that social expectation will change. But I think we must also keep in mind the pressure that women are under not to do that, and not be so dismissive of those who choose not to.

yeah that makes sense

Yes , this is true and I've shared what has happened to me when it goes wrong, however one other thing women should take into consideration though is that for the most part you are far less likely to face outright rejection than a man of similar attractiveness levels.



This stuff too is a barrier for a lot of women. Fortunately I don't give a stuff about gender appropriateness but I am very much in the minority. Also its not just a case of other women judging you badly, but also there are actually some men who do not like women to do the initiating full stop as they feel it is a threat to their masculinity. Personally I don't really care for these sorts of men either but it does have a bearing on how a lot of women view courtship.



This is also true.

The other thing I have observed with the majority of my female friends and acquaintances is that they prefer men with the following qualities/skills/benaviours:

1. Pays for them to go out to dinner
2. Buys them things like flowers, chocolates and trinkets
3. Earns more money than them
4. Is older than them
5. Is taller than them (for some unknown reason 5 foot 10 appears to be a common cut-off, even for the ladies who are barely 5 foot themselves)
6. Is intelligent with most having a preference for a guy who is more intelligent than them
7. Has excellent conventional conversational and social skills
8. Likes children and animals
9. Has lots of self-confidence
10. Is positive and goal-driven (ambitious)
11. Faithfulness and commitment
12. Good sense of humour
13. Has good DIY skills
14. Is physically fit.

Men who embody all or most of the above qualities will invariably be the ones who approach women. I gather that an inference is made if you do not approach women then you are lacking in the qualities that they tend to prefer. You are also assessed quite quickly on your social skills and body language when making that approach, which is why, I think, aspie men are disadvantaged relative to NT men. Whereas I have approached men, stuttered and stumbled my way through an introduction but still been given a chance. I assess myself as someone average-looking so therefore I do not think it is a case of my looks over-riding my social skills, merely that (in general) men do not assess inferior social skills as harshly as (in general) women do.

My own preferences are relatively minimal and I would only go for points 6, 10, 11 and 12 - with the important addition of sharing similar interests.

There are a minority of women who won't go for all the points on the list above either, but its important to remember that unconventional women aren't always popular with men either.

I see certain self-defeating behaviours such as men who don't wish to approach women (for whatever reason) who would turn down approaches from women who are not conventionally "hot" and who insist that they will only date women much younger than them (younger women are more likely to lack confidence and hence less likely to approach men). Also with women who claim they want the shy sensitive type of man but who insist on not approaching such men and if one of these types of men does approach them they will judge them too harshly or instantaneously for any social/conversation "mistake" that they make.

If only dating wasn't quite so complicated for both the sexes *sigh*

(As an aside, still trying to get to grips with online dating as opposed to offline dating - the main difficulty is trying to find and identify the men that fit my preferences!)

Over 90% of the guys with problems dating turn to the internet for advice.
The main advice this days is look into PUA
Quite a lot of men treat PUA books like a bible that has to be followed step by step when you should just look for sound advice(yes there sound advice on PUA books, I swear )

just sick and tired of people, women, using arguments by saying "men are hunters"

i'm sick and tired of people arguing, using testosterone as the excuse for guys to be the aggressors, assertive ones, like this one guy argued this and he really pissed me off by saying this:


"Man......this is what I'm talking about! You act like taking the initiative is some kind of burden or drudgery. Most normal, red-blooded guys enjoy taking the initiative and do it automatically. It's not a matter of "have to". A normal testosterone level and, at least, average intelligence, should ensure that a guy has more than enough assertiveness and initiative to get and maintain a relationship.

It's sad that any guy would see simple initiative in meeting and dating women as a chore.

I don't know if it's due to hormones/pesticides in foods; or faulty gender-bender conditioning; or simply evolution (which isn't always "progressive"), but there seems to be somewhat of a trend where guys in each successive generation are increasingly being feminized to the point of total inability.

There are very, very few guys who will enjoy a satisfying relationship worthy of the term as a result of passive acquiescence to a woman's initiative. It does happen, but it's rare and it's not necessarily a good thing. It's up to the guys, in most circumstances, to go out and initiate dates and relationships. I initiated all mine. That's the way it ideally works.

Agreed. But now there are huge numbers of available women contrasted with guys almost everywhere on earth. Men are actually the rarer commodity today, so simple assertiveness should guarantee a woman for every guy who pursues it. Don't count on women initiating relationships, even when a woman wants a certain guy. They are simply less likely to pursue it, given their biochemistry and, to a lesser extent, their conditioning."

I would love to make that man squeal as I break his f****n' neck!! !! !! !! !! !! !

I love this guy. He's hilarious! I guess that's why it's so easy for him to find a girlfriend. Imagine talking about global warming with someone so ignorant.

There's around 5% more men than women in my age range. No matter how assertive you are, when you aren't as attractive as the other 95% of the male population, there's very little you can do. If a woman absolutely had to do the approach to have any relationship at all, she would do that. No one wants to be alone.

ehhh simple It's natures law that male is the man (dominant) and the female is feminine ehh cant think of the word but u get the idea.

still, would love to kick his ass for disagreement

Say what now? These men must be crazy or something then. If some cool girl came up to me and initiated, I'd be flattered. But then again, I'm an atypical man anyway, for more than 100 reasons.

f**k the rules of masculinity!