27 Feb 2016, 12:28 am
27 Feb 2016, 1:06 am
01 Mar 2016, 4:59 pm
marshall wrote:
LyraLuthTinu wrote:
On the appearance isn't everything concept?
I've posted in another thread about what's attractive in males. Looks are a factor but not a deciding factor. Neither of the guys who asked for my hand in marriage are eye-candy.
Conversely it seems to me that if looks were everything for guys, and if I'm all that good-looking even for an Aspie and good looks is enough to compensate for social awkwardness in male attraction to females--why don't I get flirted with, cat-called, wolf-whistled, asked for my phone number etc? NT women in my social sphere with mild obesity problems get more flirtation than I do. There are a small handful of guys who tell me I'm attractive. But I don't get much attention that way. Over and above MyEx and NTHubby, I can count on one hand the guys who have made passes at me in the 35 years since I left middle school.
So either I'm not pretty and looks are everything, or I am as attractive as those few guys have stated and looks aren't everything. Or even enough to get that initial moment of attention.
I've posted in another thread about what's attractive in males. Looks are a factor but not a deciding factor. Neither of the guys who asked for my hand in marriage are eye-candy.
Conversely it seems to me that if looks were everything for guys, and if I'm all that good-looking even for an Aspie and good looks is enough to compensate for social awkwardness in male attraction to females--why don't I get flirted with, cat-called, wolf-whistled, asked for my phone number etc? NT women in my social sphere with mild obesity problems get more flirtation than I do. There are a small handful of guys who tell me I'm attractive. But I don't get much attention that way. Over and above MyEx and NTHubby, I can count on one hand the guys who have made passes at me in the 35 years since I left middle school.
So either I'm not pretty and looks are everything, or I am as attractive as those few guys have stated and looks aren't everything. Or even enough to get that initial moment of attention.
Maybe it's because you are seen as shy and guys don't want to make you uncomfortable by flirting. They also may not think they have a chance.
Also, guys who do the rude stuff like cat-calling aren't always doing it because they're super attracted. Men are attracted to pretty much any women who shows off her body. Cat-calling is a way of harassing women who show off their bodies, i.e. "slut shaming". It has little to do with attractiveness. If you dress modestly you probably won't get that kind of negative attention no matter how attractive you are. Those guys are a**holes. You wouldn't want their attention.
Makes sense--especially the part about shyness. I know for a fact that I come across as shy and sometimes even "stuck
up" or "snobbish" due to my self-conscious awareness of my social awkwardness.
Thank you, marshall, for taking the time to craft a well-thought out and non-insulting reply to my post.
As to cat-calling--yeah, I know that it's more about slut-shaming than anything else. I'm pretty sure that's why most modern, right-thinking women object to it. But I dress all over the modesty spectrum--my skirts vary in length from mini- to ankle-length Amish denim. My tops vary in tightness from skin- to sackcloth baggy. I get ignored almost as thoroughly in a miniskirt and tight t-shirt as I do in slacks and a polo or in a bulky turtleneck sweater with a long denim skirt. I more often dress modestly, but mostly because I'm more comfortable if I'm not concerned about my curvy bits falling out of tight skimpy clothes! NThubby likes my miniskirts, so I wear them for him from time to time.
01 Mar 2016, 6:27 pm
The_Face_of_Boo
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02 Mar 2016, 2:21 am
02 Mar 2016, 3:22 pm
wilburforce wrote:
marshall wrote:
LyraLuthTinu wrote:
On the appearance isn't everything concept?
I've posted in another thread about what's attractive in males. Looks are a factor but not a deciding factor. Neither of the guys who asked for my hand in marriage are eye-candy.
Conversely it seems to me that if looks were everything for guys, and if I'm all that good-looking even for an Aspie and good looks is enough to compensate for social awkwardness in male attraction to females--why don't I get flirted with, cat-called, wolf-whistled, asked for my phone number etc? NT women in my social sphere with mild obesity problems get more flirtation than I do. There are a small handful of guys who tell me I'm attractive. But I don't get much attention that way. Over and above MyEx and NTHubby, I can count on one hand the guys who have made passes at me in the 35 years since I left middle school.
So either I'm not pretty and looks are everything, or I am as attractive as those few guys have stated and looks aren't everything. Or even enough to get that initial moment of attention.
I've posted in another thread about what's attractive in males. Looks are a factor but not a deciding factor. Neither of the guys who asked for my hand in marriage are eye-candy.
Conversely it seems to me that if looks were everything for guys, and if I'm all that good-looking even for an Aspie and good looks is enough to compensate for social awkwardness in male attraction to females--why don't I get flirted with, cat-called, wolf-whistled, asked for my phone number etc? NT women in my social sphere with mild obesity problems get more flirtation than I do. There are a small handful of guys who tell me I'm attractive. But I don't get much attention that way. Over and above MyEx and NTHubby, I can count on one hand the guys who have made passes at me in the 35 years since I left middle school.
So either I'm not pretty and looks are everything, or I am as attractive as those few guys have stated and looks aren't everything. Or even enough to get that initial moment of attention.
Maybe it's because you are seen as shy and guys don't want to make you uncomfortable by flirting. They also may not think they have a chance.
Also, guys who do the rude stuff like cat-calling aren't always doing it because they're super attracted. Men are attracted to pretty much any women who shows off her body. Cat-calling is a way of harassing women who show off their bodies, i.e. "slut shaming". It has little to do with attractiveness. If you dress modestly you probably won't get that kind of negative attention no matter how attractive you are. Those guys are a**holes. You wouldn't want their attention.
I dress very modestly (in fact I am usually overdressed, even in warm weather) and I still get catcalled. It has very little to do with what you wear. If it did, then why would "frumpy" covered-up women like me get catcalled? If something doesn't happen to you you might want to avoid talking about it like you understand it better than people who actually experience it. Just saying.
Where did I say I understand it better than people who experience it?
Also, I have been harassed by gay men before. Not that it has any bearing on the subject.
Sweetleaf
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02 Mar 2016, 3:52 pm
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The_Face_of_Boo
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07 Mar 2016, 6:32 am
DestinedToBeAPotato
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07 Mar 2016, 7:26 am
