This lady has some serious issues with Aspies

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sly279
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03 Dec 2016, 2:51 pm

League_Girl wrote:
Splendour wrote:
Outrider said:


It's only family I truly don't put any effort into to 'act normal' with because they aren't worth the effort because they already care for me unconditionally."


Is this not the crux of the article though? People acting until it's too late? That once you get comfortable with someone, they aren't worth the effort? I would have thought the opposite should be the case. This could be said about NT's too; I was married to a man who was wonderful until 2 months in to our marriage when he showed his true colours and became abusive. There was no hint of that side of him while we were dating.

I don't agree with the male 'aspie bashing' viewpoint she puts forward though as this would be akin to me writing about my experience with my ex husband and hence conclude that all men must be abusive.

We all put on our best front when we meet someone new but imo, to give any relationship the best chance, honesty really is the best policy for both parties.


I have heard of women having that mentality about guys. They were married and got abused by their husband, they divorce, now they won't date any guys. My mom knew someone at work who became lesbian because she would never date men again because she was abused by her ex husband. Then there was someone else I knew at work who was once married to an abuser. She then divorced him and had been single ever since and never wanted to remarry or date again. I have seen people say online how they will never date another aspie because they got traumatized by their ex who had it and they talk about the bad things they did to them that was related from their disorder but it was all unintentional but it still hurt the NT person. And sometimes an aspie really is abusive and it has nothing to do with AS but the woman might associate it with autism and say all autistic men are abusers and will break your things during a "meltdown" and break other stuff and hit you and scream at you and the woman always feels she had to walk in eggshells or he will get upset and blow up at her so she had to bottle her feelings up and not tell her partner anything that is bothering her or whenever she has concerns.

Aspies feel they always have to walk on eggshells around nt so I've seen. I feel I have to around my sister and mom. I say something slightly wrong and get yelled at.

What's the solution? Maybe they should get counseling or communicate better.

Honestly if all women are like my family i dont know why I want gf if I'm just going be constantly yelled at for every small mistake I make.



Dr_Manhattan
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03 Dec 2016, 3:09 pm

http://heartlessaspergers.com/about-this-site/

The saying "the proof is in the pudding" fits this site, perfectly. They describe themselves as a site to help those with Aspergers know themselves, when the way the entries are worded speaks on an entirely different volume. This is a hate site, much like any site promoting white supremacy, anti-semitism, etc.



Dr_Manhattan
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03 Dec 2016, 3:09 pm

Dr_Manhattan wrote:
http://heartlessaspergers.com/about-this-site/

The saying "the proof is in the pudding" fits this site, perfectly. They describe themselves as a site to help those with Aspergers know themselves, when the way the entries are worded speaks on an entirely different volume. This is a hate site, much like any site promoting white supremacy, anti-semitism, etc.



League_Girl
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03 Dec 2016, 3:10 pm

Jacoby wrote:
'Being yourself' is useless advice that is not tolerated with most people, what if 'being yourself' leaves you ostracized/hated/isolated? Are you suppose to alter your behavior or are you just supposed to accept your predicament? It is probably true that women on the spectrum don't have deal with the same stereotypes and prejudices since they're not part of the common perception of autism, doesn't conjure up the same images not to mention there is just more tolerance for women that challenge the norm than men in general. Being invisible is better than being stigmatized. How many women actually have to deal with being physically bullied? Has anybody ever punched them in the face for 'being themselves'? Cliched nonsense.




Yes you are supposed to alter your behavior and that is true for everyone including NTs. But can you keep it up in your relationship forever?

I was not accepted by my ex boyfriend so I was given flack for my personality and quirks by him but the first one accepted me but things didn't work out between us because of his undiagnosed mental illness and he wasn't in treatment for it. I was the one who couldn't accept him because I had high expectations of him. I didn't want a guy who was unmotivated to do things and too lazy to do anything and didn't want to work and always wanted someone to take care of him and only wanted to play computer games all day and making excuses to not do things. This was how it appeared to me because of his unknown illness. But even if I had known then, we still would have broken up because we wouldn't have been compatible. I don't want to be a caregiver and I want to have a family and he didn't want kids anyway and he had no desire to get help so he would have gotten worse anyway because that is what happens with schizophrenia when it's not treated, it gets worse so their behavior gets worse and I wouldn't have been able to handle it. It's not his fault. But when we met, he also was motivated to work and was eager to get a job so I was taking him to places for him to apply for work and I helped him fill out applications and I would drop him off so he could turn them in. Then he got hired and a month later he lost his job and he had no desire to work. It was like he had changed and yes I was pissed because I missed the other him I met but my mother tells me this is all normal and it takes 3-6 months to know the real person because people slowly drop their act and this is human nature because everyone does it.

Psychology says when you meet someone, something in your brain gives you an extra boost so you act different and then after a while that wears off so you go back to your old self again. I don't know if this was the case with my ex but it is a possibility his mental illness got worse then and I didn't know he was sick so it seemed like he had put on an act for me and played me a fiddle. He even quit showering and brushing his teeth so I bet this is how NT women feel with their "aspies" when they change back to their old selves. But in my ex's case, I don't think he did it on purpose because he was ill. He never told me he had schizophrenia because he probably didn't know either and he probably wasn't diagnosed then. Even if he was, he still didn't think he was sick because he didn't think he had anything wrong with him. He thought he was fine and that is pretty common in people with schizophrenia. But still, without me knowing I was still hurt in the relationship and for years I thought he was a jerk who had used me and made me his meal ticket and played me a fiddle and manipulated me and played head games with me by using excuses. All because I didn't know so even if you don't tell someone about your AS, there will still be misunderstandings and hurt feelings and the woman having high expectations of you.

If they knew sooner, it is a possibility they may still leave you but only because you wouldn't be able to give them what they want from you and meet their needs. What if your honesty was too much for them to handle, what if they have their own mental issues so your lack of tact was to much for them to handle and your lack of social filter? What if you were not able to comfort them and understand their feelings and that was something they needed but you were not able to do that? Can you put on an "act" all the time with your partner to make them happy and to keep from hurting them? What if your executive dysfunction was too much for them to handle too? What if your rigidity was too much for them to handle and your lack of flexibility? Are you able to not neglect them with your special interests? Are you able to not bore them out with them and not get upset with them if they tune you out or tell you they are tired of talking about it or if they start doing their own thing? Can you alter any of these behaviors for their sake of happiness so they won't be stressed out and have anxiety and not have low self esteem? It would also be too much to ask them to change too and to just toughen up and ignore their feelings and say they are wrong for their own feelings. If they also can't alter their feelings and their needs, then you are both not compatible and if they know about AS sooner, they won't have hurt feelings and not be stressed out. If you didn't know you had it at the time, that is understandable. If you had all these behaviors altered over the years and then you found out about AS and decided to slip back into these, the woman isn't going to like that. They would see it as you trying to be the diagnoses instead of you.


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sly279
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03 Dec 2016, 3:21 pm

League girl what women man wants them be a care giver for their bf? So by that logic no aspie should ever get with a woman. Makes me wonder if aspies like me are better off jus taking our own life's to get out of the way of society.
No wonder Ann and some other aspies come to like the idea of Eugenics eradicating autism.

Why should I keep living if no woman will ever want me because I'm not normal and so won't fear be able to provide for a family. My grandpa was lucky to been born in the 1920s if he'd been born now no way my grandma would have married him. Women back then were less perfection seeking I guess. :cry:

Wish I'd been born back then. Could have died in ww2 and if not gotten a factory job or very least met s nice woman who didn't care if I didn't work much like my grandma did with my granpa



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03 Dec 2016, 3:33 pm

sly279 wrote:
League girl what women man wants them be a care giver for their bf? So by that logic no aspie should ever get with a woman. Makes me wonder if aspies like me are better off jus taking our own life's to get out of the way of society.
No wonder Ann and some other aspies come to like the idea of Eugenics eradicating autism.

Why should I keep living if no woman will ever want me because I'm not normal and so won't fear be able to provide for a family. My grandpa was lucky to been born in the 1920s if he'd been born now no way my grandma would have married him. Women back then were less perfection seeking I guess. :cry:

Wish I'd been born back then. Could have died in ww2 and if not gotten a factory job or very least met s nice woman who didn't care if I didn't work much like my grandma did with my granpa



Sorry I wish I could make you feel better but I don't know how.


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03 Dec 2016, 3:59 pm

Jacoby wrote:
'Being yourself' is useless advice that is not tolerated with most people, what if 'being yourself' leaves you ostracized/hated/isolated? Are you suppose to alter your behavior or are you just supposed to accept your predicament? It is probably true that women on the spectrum don't have deal with the same stereotypes and prejudices since they're not part of the common perception of autism, doesn't conjure up the same images not to mention there is just more tolerance for women that challenge the norm than men in general. Being invisible is better than being stigmatized. How many women actually have to deal with being physically bullied? How many have ever been punched in the face for 'being themselves'? Cliched nonsense.


I agree with the majority of this, and can add my voice to having been physically attacked for just being me.
I don't trust males anymore, you need to observe them for a while to spot if they are aggressive, I'm at a disadvantage in a fight as I lack aggression and don't wish to physically harm anyone, aggressive traits in others means avoid for me.
Sorry, went off script there.



Splendour
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03 Dec 2016, 4:16 pm

League_Girl wrote:
Splendour wrote:
Outrider said:


It's only family I truly don't put any effort into to 'act normal' with because they aren't worth the effort because they already care for me unconditionally."


Is this not the crux of the article though? People acting until it's too late? That once you get comfortable with someone, they aren't worth the effort? I would have thought the opposite should be the case. This could be said about NT's too; I was married to a man who was wonderful until 2 months in to our marriage when he showed his true colours and became abusive. There was no hint of that side of him while we were dating.

I don't agree with the male 'aspie bashing' viewpoint she puts forward though as this would be akin to me writing about my experience with my ex husband and hence conclude that all men must be abusive.

We all put on our best front when we meet someone new but imo, to give any relationship the best chance, honesty really is the best policy for both parties.


I have heard of women having that mentality about guys. They were married and got abused by their husband, they divorce, now they won't date any guys. My mom knew someone at work who became lesbian because she would never date men again because she was abused by her ex husband. Then there was someone else I knew at work who was once married to an abuser. She then divorced him and had been single ever since and never wanted to remarry or date again. I have seen people say online how they will never date another aspie because they got traumatized by their ex who had it and they talk about the bad things they did to them that was related from their disorder but it was all unintentional but it still hurt the NT person. And sometimes an aspie really is abusive and it has nothing to do with AS but the woman might associate it with autism and say all autistic men are abusers and will break your things during a "meltdown" and break other stuff and hit you and scream at you and the woman always feels she had to walk in eggshells or he will get upset and blow up at her so she had to bottle her feelings up and not tell her partner anything that is bothering her or whenever she has concerns.


My ex wasn't an aspie-he was just an assh**e! My point being that people should reveal their true colours before they reel in an unsuspecting parner regardless of being NT or Aspie. I dunno though, I'm the type of person who wears my heart on my sleeve and what you see is what you get...



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03 Dec 2016, 4:24 pm

You cannot untangle me from my autism.
I am hiding nothing by not saying I have been diagnosed as ASD, I am ASD.

I can't wear masks with people for long, especially if nervous, so if it's a date then you've met at least a part of the real me, autism and all.



sly279
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03 Dec 2016, 4:29 pm

Why are aspie women good and lovable and deserving of having families but aspie men are bad and unlovable and should just die? :cry:



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03 Dec 2016, 4:31 pm

What you just said is not true.

You have to get your family to stop yelling at you. Stand up for yourself as a fellow adult human.



sly279
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03 Dec 2016, 4:38 pm

I think boo and the others is right about not telling. At least your get a relationship that way. Feel loved for a few months, if you tell you're never get past few dates.
I just need to learn to lie. I've been moral and law abiding all my life, it's always been important to me but what does it get me, nothing but pain, everyone else, lies and breaks laws and policies and they get to be successful and happy because of it.

Time I throw in the towel and join them



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03 Dec 2016, 4:44 pm

You don't have to ethically disclose until you two are close to be engaged to be married.

It's not herpes. It's not some easily definable genetic disorder. You can't transmit it.

It's a variation on the norm, with irritating and sometimes more than irritating symptoms.



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03 Dec 2016, 4:45 pm

Ganondox wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Observation: issue on whether to tell seems to be decided by the sexs, women here saying to do it, and majority of men saying don't. Perhaps this has to do with how poeople react to a woman with aspergers vs how they react to men with aspergers.
Like others have said there are tons and tons of book and articles about aspie men and how they're bad and some few about how their good. I've never seen any about aspie women? Is it cause aspie women at least from a far would seem to match up more with what society thinks women should be like, while aspie men fly in the face of what society thinks men should be like?
Note: I'm not making assumptions I'm just obersving and asking questions out of real curiousity .


It's mostly likely because it's so uncommon in females so books and stuff take time to focus on male aspies.

There is some interesting literature on the difficulties of female aspies as they face different issues. Most notably they are more socially isolated than male aspies

One of the most common responses I get is 'isn't that what boys have'


Actually women are probably just underdiagnosed, and the reason women who are diagnosed have more social isolation as well as on average lower IQ is because it takes a heavier hit for it to get diagnosed in women.


That could very well be true



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03 Dec 2016, 4:49 pm

sly279 wrote:
Why are aspie women good and lovable and deserving of having families but aspie men are bad and unlovable and should just die? :cry:


This is so not true. There are always people on here talking about how difficult aspie females are.

As I said they also suffer from social isolation more that aspie males so they hardly habe it better.

We are all aspies who have social problems. Why does it have to be aspie females this and aspie females that. It's disrespectful to assume we have it better off when we struggle just as much as male aspies :( :( :(



LyraLuthTinu
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03 Dec 2016, 4:51 pm

I note there is no place for comments, as is usual on blogs.

Of course, what would one comment other than "haters gonna hate"


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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 141 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 71 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)
Official diagnosis: Austism Spectrum Disorder Level One, without learning disability, without speech/language delay; Requiring Support