Relatives trying to pair you up

Post Reply New Topic

I don't care about a low birth rate, I consider it a good thing.

What I don't like is a high single rate and low marriage rate. I think it says a lot about our society.

I never said people should be in a bad relationship, in fact I said the exact opposite.

Arranged marriage with someone you are compatible, which really just means family and friends actually helping set you up with people to see if you're compatible and like each other rather than having to do it all on your own.

Actually I believe the vast majority of men get on with their lives as well, yet when they spend time complaining on the internet because they hide their negativity about being alone from their friends, they are guilted, shamed, called 'entitled', etc.

And worst of all stereotyped.

"You're probably some fat lazy NEET who doesn't even try talking to women/you're a loser".

There's no support for single lonely men when they complain, not out of bitterness or anger but sadness and misery, they are constantly shamed for it and tbh it's usually women on the shamer end of things.

I guess most women are much better at handling being single than men, so I guess they don't understand the male perspective either.

A big difference I've noticed between men and women generally is this:

Women choose to live their lives and are WAITING for the right guy to come along, Men choose to live their lives but feel so sad about being lonely they feel the need to ACTIVELY SEEK romantic relationships.

This probably explains why men approach more, and a lot of women seem very standoffish to the idea of relationships unless it's a very trusted well-known guy they've known for several years instead of one she's only known for a few months which is what most men are okay with when it comes to beginning a relationship with a nice girl.

I don't see how how long you've known someone really matters.

For me it's less so time but more so actions.

If someone has consistently shown loyalty by being able to undertake favors or help me and not take advantage of me then I'd trust them far more than a friend I've known for years but otherwise hasn't proven any loyalty.

There's plenty of sociopaths who can put on an act for years who are considered more trustworthy than say a guy you've been talking to for a few months who gave off one or two red flags by accident because of his Aspergers or Anxiety but has otherwise been in your life and shown far more loyalty in those 4 months than the sociopath has.

But whatever.



Hateful bitterness? No, there's not.

Wallowing in sadness and misery? Sure, why not? What's wrong with complaining you are lonely and sad in a few forum posts after you get home from working at your 6-figure job as a doctor, or after you get home on Saturday after you volunteered at the Salvation Army like you always do, or after you were flaked/ghosted on another Tinder date like the other 5 you've had this year, or after you hit the gym and still feel sad because despite your good body nobody loves you, or after you just finished that awesome song that no one will ever hear?

Please don't believe lonely, sad men are unproductive members of society.

I go a lot on Reddit's ForeverAlone section and they get all kinds, 30 year olds with a job, young guys who hit the gym and volunteer, some ugly, some good looking, some disabled, NEETs, even saw a doctor on there one time.



Post subject: Re: Relatives trying to pair you up Reply with quote
There is no excuse for hateful bitterness. These guys needed learn to focus their lives on positive things and not obsess over the thing they can't have. Not everyone is suited to a relationship. That's just how life is. There's no need to wallow in pity. Take that youthful energy and go and do something good for the rest of society.



Eh, easier said than done.

And it's not necessarily just love, but social isolation/overall loneliness.

There's a difference between loneliness and social isolation.

"Social isolation is a state of complete or near-complete lack of contact between an individual and society. It differs from loneliness, which reflects a temporary lack of contact with other humans. Social isolation can be an issue for individuals of any age, though symptoms may differ by age group."

"True social isolation over years and decades can be a chronic condition affecting all aspects of a person's existence. Social isolation can lead to feelings of loneliness, fear of others, or negative self-esteem.[1] Lack of consistent human contact can also cause conflict with the (peripheral) friends the socially isolated person may occasionally talk to or cause problems with family members."

Funny thing is, before even looking up social isolation I knew isolation causes all this in the first place.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_isolation

Anyway, my life isn't over because of social isolation!

Wait a minute, research suggests extreme loneliness is the equivalent of a pack a day!

Well, sh*t, I guess my life is or at least WILL be over much more quickly because of social isolation!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/artic ... tists.html

Would would be rude to ask what do you do for society that apparently gives you value to it? I guess 'I'm terribly unhappy but it could be worse' is a step above rock bottom but it's just rationalizing a sh***y situation.

Nicely written, but the daily mail is just a joke. I'm not sure non British people realise that. Don't use it for sources.

And your point about women needing to know a man for years isn't true. Plenty of women go out with men they've not known that long. I'd rather be asked out by someone I like quite quickly than have it dragged on for years. If it goes on too long you feel rejected and hurt and the guy loses because he hesitated too long and she thinks he doesn't like her.

It's been said time and again. Women will happily accept guys they are actually interested in, but will say no to men whom they have no interest in. It's just hard for the poor guys to know whether they have a shot or not unless the ask.

Unfortunately it's not an exact science. And none of us can say "this is exactly what x or do".

If you both fancy each other and one has the guts to ask the other out, they'll get a yes.

Was that rhetorical? BBC radio1 did a volunteer promotion thing in December. Maybe look up their site for ideas.

Even visiting an elderly relative or neighbour on a regular basis is a simple way of adding value. You give some one a little bit of company. Often the elderly are forgotten about.

Outrider single women do get sad, but we talk to each other about it. Guys online seem not to have close female friends, so don't realise this. Although, some women are actually fine and can't relate to those of us who are sad and do dismiss us as weak.

I think that men don't feel like they're allowed to tell each other that stuff, so they go online where they have anonymity, but they don't want to sound too soft so they get a bit aggressive about it.

My problem is I'm far too self-interested and nihilistic to give a sh*t about adding value to anyone's life except maybe close family, friends and a girlfriend and myself of course.

Why would I volunteer or try to make any positive change for the better?

To make the world a better place in my lifetime? I don't give a damn about society, only what I can get from it and nothing more. Id only want to improve tje world if i get somehing in return and feel what i get is worth te effort. So far this has rarely been the case. For future generations? I don't give a damn about that either. I dont care if the whole world collapses in chaos so long as no one forcibly prevents me from killing myself before the chaos.and anarchy affects me. I don't care if a meteor kills us all right now if my death is quick and painless. I don't care if word war 3 happens, only that Australia is safe/no one attacks us but that is unlikely of course.

For my kids? I never want kids..

Why should I have a career when I am on dsability payment and do not want one?

To contribute? Too bad I don't care about contributing.

I am not entitled to a job, a woman, etc.

Guess what world, you aren't entitled to my body for hard labor in a factory or for me to sit behind an office desk to earn the CEOs and millionaires sh*tloads of cash while I get very little of the xcut and many in poor countries get none.

Most people don't work because they want to but have to, Americans are lucky that usually just means homelessness, plenty must work with a gun to their heads.

Too bad women do care about career, income, etc.

Why? To improve the quality of our own lives and relationships?

Many women must have higher standards then me then for what is necessary for a good quality life and relationship.

I already have everything I want in life except for a place to volunteer as I haven't volunteered in months, friendship.and love and a fitter body and car/licenae.

Maybe I need a misanthropic nihilistic girl who doesn't care about anyone's happiness or wellbeing except me, herself and her family and friends because I value all that over my superficial 'successes' in life.

I value being happy over being successful. I value personal.happiness and family/friend/girlfriend happiness over community or society.

If success makes some women.happy then we simply disagree on what happiness means for us.

It is nothing about maturity, etc.

A man who lives at home is not immature, in fact it is encouraged in asian cultures so sons and daughters can take care of their parents as younger siblings.

I still do volunteer though, no matter how pointless i may think it is.

But wouldn't some women .be turned off by my attitude?

"Its so inspiring you're so passionate about helping the disadvantaged and trying to make the world better no matter how big or small the changes are"

"Oh, you're doing it just to kill time and almost purely out of self interest/personal happiness? Ugh"

It's sooo hard to find a misanthropic nihilistic girl in general, especially when young.

90% of young people are idealistic and want to change the world, I outgrew that stage at like 14 lol, and.had trouble connecting with others because of it.

Would you settle for a regular girl?

If you want to date a nihilist you could always join the goth scene.

I agree with you about the idealists wanting the change the world. They don't seem to understand the idea of unforeseen consequences.

If you tried to make a large change to "improve" society, even if you had good intentions there would be ten unforseen consequences.

If you want of these idealists implemented 50 ideas to improve society, there would be 500 unforeseen consequences!

Yes society should improve itself but this process should be implemented slowly and with great caution.

What's nihilistic?

Yeah it seems most women are so obsessed with the future and vacations. I live for the present mostly cause I have no choice but still I don't make big future plans. What happens if they get to 60 and are still single? I've read there's quite about of women in their 40s who obsessed with career only to now find they can't have her husband and family they put off for the career advancement. Is that really worth it?
People are so obsessed with Income class and buying by expensive things.

I have everything I realistically want besides someone to share it with. I'd love to have a gf to buy spontaneous things for. I see cute outfits and shoes all the time. Instead provided Obama doesn't stop my rights I'll buy another gun. Heck maybe I'll use most my tax return and just buy a $1800 rifle responsibility hasn't gotten me anywhere.

How can they afford to go on those expensive vacations?Yes. Yes it is.

Many people with successful careers and no kids are quite happy to enjoy their wealth without kids around.

On the flipside, try raising kids on minimum wage or while unemployed. It would break your heart to watch your own kids grow up in poverty.

Pf course I'd settle for a regular girl -- the better questopn is would they datw ME.

Even young women tend to want a guy who actually cares about the world and isn't so self-contained.

Nature is the only thing that makes me feel the world and universe is bigger than myself and there's an entire universe happening around me.

I care about nature, life and theenvironment. I have no care for humanity
.
I love getting out to and experiencing nature, I dislike people and urbanization.

I have agpraphoba only in urban centres, i have no fear or anxiety being in nature, being in cities and streets and neighborhoods sets off my anxiety and.gives me.panic attacks.

Aussie goths and metal chicks?

Dude, shouldnt you have realized by now they have been assimilated by SJWs?

Already tried with them,vegans, pro-LGBT (that's good), etc. These are hood things but with the sjw twist to it of course.

Besides, where the f**k does an aussie bloke meet goth shielas?

Maybe so but some of the girls who are my age are a lot more cynical.I had anxiety in urban centres at your age, albiet milder.

For me this anxiety gradually dissipated throughout my 20s until it no longer existed. The same may happen for you. My anxiety waned as I spent more time in the city. You could try spending more time in the city. Think of it like exposure therapy.Yes. I should've realised. You are quite correct. In the late 90s and early 2000s I saw a few goth girls around. Some of them were quite beautiful and feminine. Some of them even wore Victorian style dresses.

Recently I've seen a few girls sporting the SJW punk fashion. They have very short, brightly coloured hair. They have black or blue lipstick. They have black or blue nail polish. They have many facial piercings. Some of them wear 1950s style glasses. They tend to be obese. They were black leather jackets with studs and black leggings. I never see them smile. They always have angry scowls on their pierced faces. They were extremely chunky shoes that look like this.

Yes but I'm talking about the women who wanted the whole package, but did the career first figuring after they got that done they'd have resources to better have the family. They complain then about not being able to have kids or find a quality guy to do it with. It's a growing problem

My mom raised me and my siblings while on ssi. We made due. Billions of poor people have kids and their parents were poor. Poor people are required for society to continue, were the foundation. Still centuries away from Ai and robotics being able to fully replace poor people. And then the middle class will become the new poor until th rich figure how to replace them too.
My kids would have a happy childhood like I did. Don't need objects and money to be happy. We always got stuff years after others did, so what. Games were cheaper by then.

Caring about people and the world is overrated, draining and stressful. Empathy is horrible. I'm sick of empathy. It's seeming to die out in me though. I'm starting to care less about other people. They don't give two cents about me and others like me, so why am I hardwired to do it. Worlds horrible. Best thing to happen would be it ending. Let the planet heal without use horrible humans killed nt and hurting each other with them plant and animals paying the price too. Like the movie where the plants started killing humans. The happening I think it was called. The way humans treat each other is god awful. Why anyone wants to save th human race is beyond me. No wonder aliens don't want to contact us.

And this is what relatives and older people don't see...

They think that nice you man you won't go out with is a regular guy, but he's a nihilist who doesn't care about anyone or anything.

Outrider your posts are so long is difficult to find your main point and have an actual conversation.

If you care about environmental issues, joining some sort of environmental group or joining people who do stuff out in nature is probably the place to meet a non materialistic woman or find like minded friends.

Our society is definitely too materialistic which is causing problems for both men and women.

But Sly when you talk about women having careers, it's not just for money. They are intelligent women who want to do something challenging and interesting. Working in Wallmart would bore them to the point of being suicidal. They probably want a guy who needs to do something more interesting too and can't understand why anyone would do something boring for a job.

Boring jobs are still important. How are people going to buy eggs if no one is willing to sell them? Everyone is import, but not everyone is compatible.

Someone with an active mind needs someone else with an active mind. Whereas those types are super boring to TV watchers who love to unwind with a good movie. Everyone is different and that's not bad. It just takes a bit longer to meet someone compatible.