Women As The Breadwinners

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I wasn't "judging men."

Jobs where someone can die if you screw-up are objectively more stressful than jobs where the worst thing that can happen if you make a mistake is you get yelled at/fired. This is true whether one is male or female.

If that makes you feel "inferior," fine, but that's not my problem.

I fail to see how those precedents are exclusive to work. A lot of people would also honestly rather die than put up with either of those hypothetical work environments, not saying I'm among them, only that this type of absolutism is a sh***y way of striating people's livelihoods.

I'm just sorry that anyone views honest work as rationale for putting up walls. Let's be clear, you've been adamant you don't give a damn about the rest of our jobs because stressful work strikes you as more important. Guessing at how guys feel without actually just asking tends towards judgmenal behavior. Makes me think there may some baseline, constant stress level dudes need these days just to look normal. I'm also a *different* mechanic & there's not much preventing people dying on mountain bikes, myself included, I'm into it anyway because I CHOSE TO BE & so I think even if work is 100% deadly serious, there still had to be some kind of yen for anybody to begin working.

They're not exclusive to work, but since the conversation was about work, I mentioned work.

And I never said stressful work was "more important." I said stressful work was more stressful. Period. Personally, you're coming across as extremely insecure. I haven't said anything "judgemental" about the importance of anyone's livelihoods, but you're choosing to feel attacked anyway on the basis of things I never actually said.

Unfortunately, I can't debate with the products of your imagination.

I guess that's alright considering you don't personally know any of us, I'm here to talk about home life since that's clearly the only way this thread corresponds to me.

I'm back to not understanding what you just said.

Anyway, what I wanted to say was whoever (between me and my Hunny) was working the most hours would obviously do less housework (I'd prob be working fewer hours since I only work weekends). OR, I would pick up more shifts and hire someone to clean the house and do the outside work.

@Nurseangela; Yeah that's a big TL;DR, I get ya. In other words I think we should all stand back & appreciate so many people doing things they love instead of snark about it.

Working from home, the money can occasionally be great but your last sentence described perfectly the feelings that generates. Actually tending to a real home life is different/better in every way, even without anybody else around. Guys lose out big time unless we get the same R&R anyone needs. Given that I know a thing or nine about 'tapping keys' as well as random dangerous jobs requiring signifigant couch hours, I can say I only really enjoy the later as housework. I really want to believe a live-in guy wouldn't be expected to snag six figures plus clean & fix things in the same 12 hours but that seems to be the general consensus. Add to that medical problems nobody can control & you have what I call a MAJOR ERGONOMIC HAZARD. My work-from-home desk is storage now because too much focus on work is a gnarly problem for anybody. I did not often find myself typecast as a loser after 8 years of studying, XFG notwithstanding. I appreciate her tough love somewhat but I already beat imposter syndrome.

@XFG if you have any intelligence-connected military friends, you might ask about the working conditions & demands on geospatial or cryptographic analysts, then ask about the official & industrial structures of their employers. Not pretty. Many such people do similar & more beneficial work as civilians.

I can't ever go back to school I'm not eligible for any student aid or loans ever again.

It's ok for someone social, but if you're a shy aspie then it can get lonely. I get lonely even working from office because 90% of my team is working from a different office. There's people around but nobody to talk about the project issues.

Well, I'm single. I make plenty of money, and I work more overtime than I care to. I see housewife/househusband as a completely legitimate professional choice. It's not what I want to be, but it is a completely legitimate job. I also see double income households where the chores are split evenly as perfectly fair and fine. I haven't seen a lot of those in my lifetime though. This is why I root for the robots who will do all the chores- even if they end up spying on me. I don't care, as long as there's food on the table/in my lunchbag, clean/freshly ironed laundry, and I don't have to go to the dry cleaner.

Most of the guys I work with have some variation of a housewife. They don't always know what they brought for lunch, but they get more sleep than I do.

I know how I can make myself such a cash surplus but let's be honest here, is there anybody alive who really wants me mumbling about applied math even more than I do already? Not even the female physicist I know.

I have disabilities that make it next to impossible for me to find employment so I figured most any women I would be with would be the breadwinner. I do have some income thou cuz I get Social Security Disability. I'm totally OK with doing some chores like laundry & cleaning but I have problems with others like cooking & doing grocery shopping on my own because of my disabilities. My biggest fear about that was that the women who was the breadwinner in our household would be very independent within the relationship. I like clingy & needy women cuz I'm that way myself & wanted someone who would be OK with me being that way but most women like that were wanting guys to make money & support them financially. Thankfully my current girlfriend was interested in me because she has issues herself & she's on disability & has other services because of her issues so she didn't need me to make the money.

Thankfully as a hippie I find myself less worried about this as a whole than most posters here, finding common ground you value before money is important.

I wouldn't mind being the main earner but my partner would need to have some kind of job, paid or voluntary and we'd have to share household work equally. I don't consider anything to be solely men's or women's work - I can do pretty much everything myself (I live on my own) and I'd like to know that my future partner could do the same. If not, I could teach them many things, but I wouldn't accept "naaah, you're better at that, so you do it". Obviously, I'd take into consideration all sorts of sensitivities (like sound-> trouble with hoovering or feeling sick while cleaning with bleach etc).

For me, being a financially dependent stay-at-home partner would create a horrible inequality and I couldn't live like that. Having a person solely reliant on me would also feel bad (well, one exception being my daughter, but now she's becoming more and more independent every day). I know things happen, people become ill and unable to work/contribute this way or another, so I'm sure I could be flexible and accommodating but I still might feel a bit resentful. I'd understand if somebody felt like that about me too.

I feel like a lot of women would be less content as the 'breadwinner' and would start looking at their upward options. Looking forward and at current college enrollment/graduation rates, women are going to dominate the economy even more as more traditionally male dominated blue collar fields are made obsolete by automation. There might be a time in the not to distant future where women if they want a "good man" might have to support them as men did women in the past because otherwise they're going to be competing for a smaller and smaller % of men. Can men be the homemaker? The child carer? Would women be able to tolerate that?

Is traditionalism or whatever such a sin? The future of relationships and gender relations seems ****'d but I guess what do you I know...

I've had jobs automated before but none of them were spots I had any interest in keeping. I think most of history sees women & men cast into all the same roles at one point or another. Nothing but bias keeps women out of technology for example; lots if not a strong majority of my most senior peers are female. Patient developers are good developers. I've learned among women who code things you would not believe & we're all equally likely to be obsoleted.