There's no point

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Oh but Kara autism can't possibly cause us women to have struggles. It must be due to our being too picky or narrow minded or just plain old too fat.

Women can't possibly have communication issues or awkwardness or selective mutism or weird body language. A pair of boobs and a vagina means we can have anyone we desire as long as we're not chasing a man who is too handsome or too successful and out of our league.

It makes me so sad to read this. We deserve support too. If it helps at all, I have read a lot of your comments and I can relate to a lot of what you say. You are not invisible to me, I hear you and I believe your struggles are real just like mine are.

I have read here and elsewhere about something called the "uncanny valley" effect and I think that is a big contributor to our social difficulties, even those of us who manage to mask relatively well when socializing. I think that has a tendency to put men off us, this inability to put their finger on exactly what is "off" or not-quite-right about us, and it's very frustrating when we try to talk about this to have guys here on WP say it's not possible that men would reject us for this reason.

NT people (both men and women) are concerned about social standing and all the non-verbal communication associated with it, and our inability to navigate that kind of communication effects autistic women in the dating arena just like it effects autistic men. I don't understand why they fight so hard against acknowledging this, what it accomplishes.

Who's James Damore?

With regards to relationships, hurtloam is the only woman on Wrongplanet who complains she is unhappy being single, and even she said she would rather be single than in a relationship.

Autistic women struggle too, but it seems they are on average better at coping with being single.

Yes autistic men outnumber autistic women.but it seems the majority of women.who pass through here are either on relationships or perfectly, absolutely totally content being single now and forever.

What a world apart from the men here who feel intense loneliness every single say.

Again I'm not downplayinf things.

I'm sure many aspie women feel lonely too and don't like it.

But...where ARE they?

This is one of the biggest aspie sites on the internet. Love & Dating is one of the most fullest sections

I see autistic women struggle IN a relationship here but ones that can't get a boyfriend at all?

I don't think you'd say that in my case. When I get depressed it's just a torrent of self-loathing and regret for past deeds that can't be changed. I imagine it's rather tedious for anyone listening.

Do you think it's possible there are women on this site who read along and are discouraged from posting their own experiences because of what they see written about women here, and they see how autistic women are treated when we do try to talk about our struggles? It's one of the things that contributed to me lurking for quite a while before I made an account and started posting comments. Isn't it possible that could be a contributing factor to the imbalance in posting patterns between men and women in this forum?

It's hard to be motivated to speak about your experiences when you see others like you having their experiences be invalidated because of their gender. This hostility exists in many spaces in nerd culture and various fandoms too, so many of us nerdy women are familiar with it already.

The common pattern is that they stop complaining about being single once they get a bf- like the slw case.

btw hurtloam; by other demographics I didn’t even mean the “too handsome men”, this can’t be considered a particular demographic I guess (hard to measure handsomeness).

I meant other demographics, literally - with the meaning of this word.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 18 Nov 2017, 1:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

Do you think it's possible that there are men who are discouraged from expressing their feelings because they're afraid of being called sexist?

It's hard to be motivated to speak about your experiences when you see others like you having their experiences be invalidated because of their gender. This hostility exists in many spaces in mainstream culture.

^ I am not seeing single women complaining in the Women’s section either.
In fact, I recall to have seen a thread there about single women and literally 99% of them said they were single by choice or don’t care or given up due to past bad relationships.

The difference in pattern between women and men here is undeniably obvious.

So why are women ok with being single? I can think of 4 possible answers.

1. Some have suggested that women who want a partner can get a partner easily, this would mean that the only women who remain single are those who want to be single. However, I don't believe this is true.

2. There are single women who do want a partner but they don't say so because they're afraid they'll be criticised by feminists. They've heard other women say "I need a man like a fish needs a bicycle" so they don't want to say they do need a man. They don't want to appear dependant.

3. It has been said that women are more choosy about when, if and with whom they enter a relationship because women bear a higher cost in producing offspring. I cannot confirm or deny this hypothesis, I can only say that I'd be terrified if someone was going to put a 5 pound parasite in me.

4. Maybe men feel a greater need to get a partner because our culture says that successful men have a partner (it does not say that about women). There's a lot of virgin shaming, mostly from men and occasionally from women. This shame might make a man who's only casually interested in getting a girlfriend desperate for a girlfriend.

Chronos always said it’s because of the testosterone difference.

She is probably right.

I can't remember if It was you or someone else who pointed out that Women have better
emotional support circles. Even us odd women do. I've found other quirky women in the same situation as me. We're all a bit off in the way Kara described above. But we at least have each other to spend time with and that means our lives aren't devoid of social interaction which helps us to feel less despaired and lonely.

Men have a lot of societal pressure to be virile and women aren't under the same pressure. We are allowed to not be as sexually forward it's not as big a part of women's outward identity, we're more liable to be labels sluts than studs (although as I mentioned earlier we can fall into the undesirable boring frumpy category. But then we just make other frumpy friends and we can still have our own little group and go to concerts and museums together etc Granted the normal women want nothing to do with us and it's hard to mix with them as I've pointed out in my couples don't get it thread, but at least us frumps have each other which makes being single easier to bear and vastly better than being with just anyone).

I think that's true as well. When I was younger I had a higher libido and it was frustrating that men were just not interested in me, thats why I'm empathetic with the guys here.

I'm a hell of a lot happier now that's mellowed out. Getting older isn't that bad after all.

I posted a link further back in the thread. Keep up Pet.

I wouldn't be defending him. His memo was rife with scientific accuracy.

Even if his assertions were true when averaged across the whole population that doesn't make them true when applied to individuals.