"Just be friendly."

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Hey babe, long time....wanna smell my new smelly boots?

No thanks...I like your new facial hair though. It kinda turns me on.

Thanks hun, but I can smell ‘em no matter which room of the trailer I’m in.

(By the way, I’m no stranger to living in a trailer. This is meant in good fun, so don’t get offended!)

I live in the Bible Belt so the concentration of those places are higher than in other regions of the country.

I can't think of an exact number but it's quite a few. One of them is one of my work supervisor's assistants and she makes life Hell for me at the job I work at. She's also one of the group of detractors who goes to the bowling alley and one of her daughters hates me for some reason. Another was a former co-worker who mocked me for being in my 20's but not having my own place, a full time job, and not having a girlfriend or a sex life. Last I heard of her, she became a mother and I hope I never see her again because she will surely still mock me. I also have two ex-friends, one told me she wanted me to get an epiphany while the other told me to get my head out of my ass. The girlfriend of the leader of the Meet Up group I used to attend hates me for stupid reasons and other people in the group socially excluded me.

The sh***y library I work at has a coloring group and a book club but it's run by someone who doesn't like me because the first of the aforementioned detractors talked s**t about me to her, the book club hardly gets any mention, and I am usually extremely burned out after work.

If people talk s**t about you....just prove them wrong.

People talk s**t about me all the time; I usually prove them wrong.

Some of those s**t talkers are on this forum. One of them even accused me and other single men as being "incel" even though he had to use Craigslist to find his girlfriend. I am just glad he hasn't posted lately. He claims he has to "disengage" from this place because of the supposed "incels". I just hope he "disengages" completely.

I don’t think the concentration could be any greater than where I live. There’s lots of mainstream Christian churches and various cults (including lots of strict Mennonites and Amish).

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 03 Jun 2019, 6:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Just don’t listen to them.

Marknis....if you know you're not an "Incel," just don't listen to the schmucks who call you that.

I know you're not an "Incel."

I've been called various names before. Do I listen? Hell no! Because I know I am not these things.

People don't really know me who insult me.

Whenever I see a punk (As in the subculture, not the insult), goth, rivethead, or all around heavy metal fan in Austin with a girlfriend by his side, it honestly tears me up inside. Why couldn't my life have gone the same direction? Instead, I was forced to live a boring whitebread existence that was supposedly being governed by God until I rejected the brainwashing I was indoctrinated to believe.

I was talking to smudge.

Sorry, don’t be so heartbroken.

*Awkward silence*


When did you see my facial hair? I don’t recall posting any recent photo here.

easy tiger....

This is a fairly stock standard answer from a "talk therapist". The problem with this generic crap is it doesn't help in "How do I approach a woman in the first place without seeming like I have ulterior motives". In that respect the therapist hasn't really answered the question.

$200 an hour for advice that a homeless person could have given...

If the advice of a homeless person was worth anything, he/she would not be homeless.

I think a lot of the advice given to NT people does not work well for ASD people. Most NT people are meek, give up before they try, and really do just need a little encouragement and common-sense reminder. It sounds more than anything like your therapist is not well versed in ASD and likely not a good fit for you as a result. I will also say that many women give bad relationship advice to men, because they have no experience on that side of things. They're not malicious, just ill-informed. Would you ask a fish how to catch a fish? The same can be said for asking advice from NT men. Would you ask a hunter who specializes in hunting birds with a shotgun how to hunt deer with a bow and arrow?

I think that if you are having an interaction with a women, and ACTIVELY trying to make something romantic out of it, it probably isn't going to work. You're going to get stuck in your head trying to read all of these micro-signals, and deal with a roller-coaster of up and down emotions at any sign that it is going well/bad. An example I keep finding myself using, is that these interactions are like a colorblind person trying to figure out if a splotch of paint is dark red or purple just by looking at it and thinking about it. It's never going to work.

I would say, find a social activity that you are passionate about. It has to be something you're actually interested in, as opposed to a front to meet women (if its just a front you'll run into the same problems as before). I think if you're engaged in something you like, you will be less frozen by the horrors of minute socialization and your good qualities can show better. Some good examples are swing/latin dancing, group hiking/camping, pub trivia, and recreational sports.

Inevitably you will have to sit down with someone one on one and figure out what's going on. I have three prongs of advice for you.

1. Be up front and blunt. It's never wrong to say, "I think you're interesting, would you like to go on a date and get to know each other?" Then you just have to take what they say at face value. Either they're honest, and trying more is a waste of time, or they're playing a dumb game and are not compatible with someone with ASD (or probably anyone else TBH).

2. When you're talking with someone, focus less on "Does she like me?" and focus more on "Are we both having fun? Are we both talking for the similar amounts of time (It's not bad if she is talking a little more than you)? Are we both asking questions/keeping the conversation going?"

3. Take a scientific, trial and error approach to your interactions. Come up with variables to test, and test slight variations of each (on different people! Don't just use on person as an experiment). Things to try varying: Speed of your voice, loudness of your voice, duration of eye contact, conversation topics, number of questions you ask, etc. There is no getting around being a little creative, but the areas you find yourself stuck on should hint at what the next variables to test are.

Good luck!