Autism - "different" or "inferior" WRT relationships?

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The Cambridge one is pretty much spot on.

Let's not forget, I'm on about social skills (no idea why I have to keep mentioning this) and not someone's abilities as a whole.

Survivorship bias has been a big problem for years outside business. It's easy to focus on the most successful while ignoring the typical, average majority.

Ok then, lets use this definition. "Worse than average, or not as good as others of the same type".

Someone who's worse than average sounds pretty useless to me. Someone who gets a D or an F in math sounds pretty useless, at least regarding math. And that's using a C at 70% as "average". Cos let's be real, once you get bad enough at something, even if you're not nearly the worst, you're still not exactly useful, either. Would you let someone fix your car or paint your house if they did a below average job? Would you accept a below average haircut, even if it was free?

As for "not as good as others of the same type", since we're autistic, and they're NT, we're not the same type, are we? Even then, which "the same type"? Average NTs? Below-average NTs? But wait, wouldn't a below-average NT also be not-as-good as an average NT? Possibly also with inferior social skills? Or just inferior in some way? Is NT inferiority different than autistic inferiority? If we're not even as good as good as the average NT, then in general, we still sound pretty useless, since we're so below average.

Honestly though, it really just sounds like you're trying to play "Schrodinger's Autism", where it both is and isn't a serious problem at the same time. Like a kid who wants to be old enough to use the family car, but not old enough to have to pay for the gas it uses - all the benefits, none of the drawbacks. It's a serious obstacle that can't be fixed, and seriously affects one's ability to be socially successful, far below that of the mighty magical NT - but it can be substantially negated simply by looking good?

Being thin and fit and attractive might land you some dates, maybe even get you laid - and if that's all you want, have fun with that while it lasts. But the reality is, often times those guys with good looks, but the personality of an angry potato, might have no trouble getting dates, or even getting sex, but they still might not actually be able to KEEP someone in their lives for long. And hey, if that's what you want, have at it. But I wouldn't call that much of a "relationship". How long do you expect that to last? Do you think you'll be happy? For how long? With respect to relationships, not being able to KEEP one seems like a pretty relevant issue.

Oh, and I would point out, in that video of the severely autistic young man, if you actually took the time to watch it and pay attention to it, instead of just wielding it like a club, you'd have noticed the mother not only talking to him like a human being, but also saying that, whether he learns anything or not (she doesn't know) she still feels it's beneficial to show him educational videos that teach something, rather than random mindless cartoons - and THAT is the EXACT faith in growth that I am referring to.

Will he ever sing HMS pinafore? Who cares? Maybe it helps him say "hi". Or "yes". Or "mom". Wouldn't that be an achievement worth celebrating for that young man and his mother? Any victory is a victory, no matter how small. But you won't even make small victories if you just sit on your hands and say "I can't".

Yeah, I chose extreme examples - cos if someone with NO ARMS can learn ARCHERY, a practice that has relied on having arms for thousands of years, then maybe some things aren't as impossible as people think. Can everyone do it? Doubtful. But it's certainly not "impossible", either.

The point isn't that "they did the impossible so you should be capable of that too". The point is, if someone with that much against them can still achieve that much above and beyond even non-disabled people, then perhaps someone who is an autonomous semi-functional adult of however meager or inferior social skills (while still being a totally functional and independent adult) can probably improve their social skills by enough that it'd be worth the effort to do so, even if it doesn't make them a Superfly Casanova ThunderPimp.

In other words, if you have the mental capacity to live alone, have a job, drive a car, go to the f**kin' gym, and so forth, you are more likely to have the capacity to eek out some additional social skills, too. Maybe not as good as a Mighty NT, but maybe close enough, like a sub-average NT, or at least closer than you were before. Or maybe you do even better than an NT. But nah, that's just crazy talk

But you'll never know unless you TRY. Even if you're still half as good as an NT, if you're twice as good as you were before, that's still progress.

Spending too long focusing on an aspect of life that an autistic is weakest at is just spinning ones wheels in the mud when it's better to spend some time focusing on other areas.

It helps trying to improve social skills, but not to the detriment of everything else.

That's some lovely hyperbole, but before you go that bananas, why not give it "some effort", as opposed to "no effort".

How do you know what I'm doing? I've already done pretty well in my life.

Such as? Like what? How so?

What expectations should I have from someone who spends so much time validating what they CAN'T do?

Hmmm just trolling.

Don't respond again in this thread. You're just a distraction away from the topic.

All smoke, no fire.

"I've done LOTS of stuff!"

Like what?

"I'm not gonna tell you!"

That's what makes me relatively sure you haven't.

It's pretty funny - you'll argue with me for pages that it's better to do other things besides work on social skills - but then when I ask you what you've actually done, you don't wanna talk anymore

I'm what way do you mean success? Like overall, socioeconomic? Romantic?

A breezy (and maybe entertaining) way to explain this not just for this question but for almost any question related to this:

Book of Lux Conformitatis 14:6:

Arbitrary social conformity, for conformity's sake, is the way the truth and the life. There is no way into heaven other than social conformity for social conformity's sake.

Book of Lux Conformitatis 5:29-30:

29 If your right eye causes you to not conform, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to fail to conform, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.


Social conformity, for conformity's sake, is the one and only true God. King of Kings, Lord of Lords.

Also...

Conformity good.... conformity God..... non-corform BADDDD......BAD....BAD....BAD non-conform! BAD non-conform! BAD non-conform!

If you're not dumb enough for that last line of gibberish to make perfect sense to you, especially if you can also chain two coherent sentences together, you're probably screwed.

This isn't L&D advice necessarily, it's surviving in the world as it is advice.

Why am I pissing myself laughing with that quote? I only it noticed it now.

If blindness is a social construct then so also the cancer.

And heart attacks.

In the context of this forum I was thinking romantically. If you're unaware of your own autism you might blame yourself for dating failures, leading to a spiral of negativity. It's better to think "ok, I'm no good at these things but it's not a flaw in my personality, so if I try again and fail it's not necessarily my fault."

Awareness can also help you navigate long-term relationships. If you and your partner seem to disagree a lot, you can work on finding a middle ground without the need to accuse the other of being difficult just for the sake of it.

Yeah, apparently they don't believe in that here.

Haven't you been following along? Autistic social skills are useless, and nothing can be done about it - that's why it's so important to improve other aspects of one's life! Like looks! Or looks! Or maybe even looks!

You should trust him. He's done pretty well in life.

For example, he's... uh... he's done... hmm...

It's a mystery!