Dating as a Fundie

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I have found it interesting that American conservative Christians exhalt the family structure in this life and rail on about the evils of homosexuality, transsexuals, etc. And then there are the verses in the Bible that oppose getting married.

Twilight princess I take it you’ve changed spiritual beliefs since making this thread? looking at your signature.

Hail Satan

My first, serious boyfriend as an adult had serious “spiritual goals.” In order to qualify, you had to be a single male, so we dated secretly. He would break up with me because we shouldn’t have been dating, and then he would call me a few days later because he “couldn’t help it” and missed me. This rollercoaster from Hell (not the good kind) went on for months.

I didn’t understand. If I genuinely loved somebody, I wouldn’t worry about not being able to work in some position for a cult for slave labor. I’d do anything I could to make it work. According to JWs, it was the best thing you could do, though, even better than truly charitable organizations like Doctors Without Borders.

When I finally realized it was hopeless, I ended it. That was a really bad day and not just because of the breakup. When I called him from the hospital, he cried. Maybe he really did love me.

Anyway, he was not chosen and he lost me. f**k religion.

^ One word: FLEABAG.

You must.

^ I know and I will.

I just think that he blamed himself for what came after to a certain extent. I hope he’s found peace and happiness wherever that may be.

I regret not emphasizing that it wasn’t his fault, but I was not in any headspace for that.

I would tell her to "quit being a Christian" (or Muslim), despite being a Christian myself.

One side of my family is Catholic, one side belongs to a very old and interesting Appalachian Baptist church called the "Old Regulars," or the Old Regular Baptists. I guess they could be considered fundamentalists primarily because the majority of their restrictions fall upon the women. Dressing modestly is applied to both sexes in that men who chose to wear a pair of shorts out in public could run the risk of being "churched." Being churched entails being singled out, or brought up at a church meeting for doing something wrong.
Some of the associations have loosened up over the years due to waning membership, but as a rule the women must wear their hair long. This holds with the Biblical belief that a woman's LONG hair is her glory. It's fair to mention that the King James Version of the Bible has the word LONG, as opposed to some versions that simply say that a woman's hair is her glory. Women must wear dresses, women must be silent in church where men are present to conduct the services. In the unlikely event that no men are present a woman would be permitted to offer prayer. There is frequently dinner on the 'grounds' of the church meeting. A separate building from the church where they go to eat after the meeting. Of course, the women have prepared all the food because they have nothing better to do and of course the men are too busy talking to be concerned with sustenance.
As for dating, they would have a hard time mandating marriage within the church because many of the women end up joining the church after marriage. But most who marry within the church have some connection and are familiar with the ways of the church. Some spouses never join the church, they have longsuffering wives who go to church without them.
For the most part, they are very kind people. My first marriage was to someone who was a member of this church and came from a big family who also belonged to the church. Over time I grew very disillusioned because my husband cherry picked certain Bible verses to focus on and tended to ignore the verses like, "if you won't work, you shouldn't eat." He was lazy. And as the result of that experience, I went back to school myself. He worked a total of 5 years in his entire 58 years, then had a back injury and went out on disability for the rest of his days. He will still say things like, "I broke my back for my family!" Wasn't much of a back... When I left him, I had been the primary source of support for our family of 4 for 6 years. I waited until his SSD came through and then never looked back. We co-parented our children, I provided their insurance, didn't ask for anything from him.
That experience soured me on certain political philosophies. And it also opened my eyes to these people who think one must marry or date within the church to assure their spot in Heaven. My 2nd husband and I are both believers, we aren't perfect. But we both have worked hard to not be a burden on society and we do good within our family and community. My husband curses a blue streak, but he's a much better Christian than that dud I married within the church.

** I wanted to add that if you've ever watch the movie "Songcatcher," this type of music is the way they sing their church songs. Acapella, high and lonesome. It's beautiful and several grants have helped to preserve the memory of it. It's truly something to behold in person.