Physical attractiveness — a rant

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I originally used the expression "hang one's head in shame" to refer to the sexually experienced man who had had sex with women, without a lifetime commitment.

It's true most of the time. Not being able to find a partner is not something to be ashamed of unless the reason is because the person is an a**hole. It's not a moral issue. Sometimes people have bad luck. Sometimes they need to put forth more of an effort to meet new people, work on personal hygiene, be friendlier, appear more confident, etc. There are many possibilities, but most of the time, it's not something that you should "hang your head in shame" over. That's an utterly bizarre and unhelpful way of looking at things.

Having healthy skin as a woman, that is not pale/pasty without makeup, is a nice bonus for a man attracted to women.

Apologies for bumping my own thread, but I had the thought that quite often women will post here either to talk about their boyfriend or husband, or saying they wished they had one, and guys are thinking they'd be that woman's boyfriend if given a chance -- but if IRL they saw that same woman on a dating app, they'd immediately swipe left.

^ How do you know what people are thinking? How do you know they’d immediately swipe left if they saw members’ pictures? We haven’t seen pictures of most members. Many people have different preferences, find different things attractive, and have different priorities. Many people don't use Tinder. (I haven't and would never dream of doing so.) Some may not be conventionally attractive themselves and so might care less about stereotypical beauty in a partner.

Most people, attractive or otherwise, are able to find a partner sooner or later.

Human experience is quite varied and impossible to define with such a narrow lens.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 07 Sep 2023, 12:42 pm, edited 4 times in total.

First law of holes: when you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

For my case, I had a non-fit phase and a fit phase:
- Before age 31 I had never touched a gym, in the 20-30 phase of life I had zero experience, and no female ever showed the slightest interest in me; not even getting a reply from anyone on okcupid. I was extremly skinny and bony, I can objectively say my body shape was very unattractive. I was totally sexually invisible**.
- After hitting the gym *shortly* (around 2012), things took a surprising turn, I was getting dates and flings left and right, 31-35 was my peak (yet I was still virgin even during this phase), went into more stablized relationships around 2016 till now.

So yeah, in my case my looks mattered, it was what allowed me to be even given a chance before being skipped on sight to the next profile.

**https://www.huffpost.com/entry/sexual-invisibility-and-d_b_8277298

I too like when my men have skin

I’m more of a scales person.

Uhh.. what is the alternative?

Reptilians confirmed.

Maybe the women of WP get it on with aliens? The grey type

.

Reptilians make the best lovers.

Howdy all,

When thinking about how one’s beauty affects chances of finding a partner, it seems important to consider the mediums through which many in the modern Western world now “date”. The many forms of online dating that have evolved in the last quarter-century are fascinating to have witnessed, especially given that they comprise 100% of my still-limited dating experience.

I would very likely still be a virgin who had never been on a single date, if not for the Internet.

In my younger years, the self-imposed distance that I placed between myself and any possible partners was insurmountable, I think, to any but the most bold and obvious of potential mates, and none were brave and/or foolish enough to yell loudly enough at me across that chasm.

I’m not certain exactly what the “spark” was that drove me to dive into online dating back in late 1999, but it may have been the movie “What Dreams May Come”, a very overwrought, highly-emotional flick with the sort of supernatural themes that would usually be very off-putting to me. But for whatever reason, that damn movie struck a chord with me, and the idea of finding my “soulmate” took firm hold of me.

I put up a couple very lame profiles on the then-free Yahoo dating website, and a little later, Match.com.
It was very common at that time to not even have a photo on your dating profile, given that few owned digital cameras, or went through the minor hassle to have film photos digitized for something as seemingly daft as “Computer Dating”.

The woman that I went on my first ever date with had no photos of herself on her profile, and so I didn’t know what to expect, visually, beyond the basics of age/race/sex/height, etc…
I knew her voice before I knew her face, and I was VERY entranced by what I heard on that first (wired landline!) telephone call, still one of the most soothing, bewitching sounds I’ve ever known.

When we met in person, she appeared much as I had expected, in that she is of a pleasing but non-challenging appearance, meaning she doesn’t inspire immediate judgements about many other aspects of her being simply because of the shape that she fills in our three-dimensional existence.
It was her mind that drew me to her, both before we laid eyes upon each other, and after. THIS is what I seek in a partner, first and foremost!

I fell deeply in love with this woman, though it took some time for me to even understand that this was what was happening, being my first love, and at the late age of 30.
A year after we met, I asked her to marry me, and she said yes, though there were conditions on this. I was sadly unable to meet these very basic and proper requirements, and felt that I had to part ways with her, lest I tie her down to someone who was unable to meet the basic demands of a real relationship, and life in general.

So, to sum up this first relationship, LOOKS DON’T MATTER! To me, at least, at that point in my life. The whole time we were together, I recall her offering just ONE compliment about my appearance, and I was pleased that this was the case, as I never even liked to think about the strange meatbag that my brain was sustained and made mobile by.

Of my 4 long-term partners, the first 3 would be considered to be solidly in the average range of physical beauty by objective standards, limited though they may be. But I found each of them to be gorgeous beyond words in their wholes, and I never found myself “wanting more” from a partner than whatever they were, naturally.

My last, and by far the longest-term partner is of WELL-above average beauty, but I can say honestly that this did not elevate her to a place of reverence in my mind, as I knew her well enough to know her many flaws and strengths, and saw her as a “whole”, never a “face” or a “figure”.

She often spoke of us as an “impressive” or “elite” couple, and that bothered me more than I was willing to say.
She had status becoming of one with her lean, tall beauty, educational and professional achievements, wealth, and her many loves and lovers. I was simply never on her level, though I could “look the part” for brief periods, when I was up to the task of being a proper showpiece to accompany her Queenly Form in our rare public appearances.

It eventually became apparent that I could not ever live up to the standard she had formed for me in her mind, one with a complete set of requirements that I simply could not meet.

In another category- I’ve been on two dates with a scandalously beautiful woman, and I felt sick about the whole thing!
I was never able to imagine that my mere existence in her shadow was justifiable, assigning qualities to her personality based merely on her form, seeing her suicidal ideation as more tragic than her wording would imply, all because her physical form struck such a hard blow to my psyche, leaving me reeling in her presence, and ever since, 16 years later…

So, my fellow weirdos, if there’s ANY advice I can give, it is to find a mind that is in sync with yours, and know that such a mind may be found in many containers, and that ALL containers will show some wear and tear as the years and miles accumulate…

Darron

I made the mistake of rewatching that movie recently.

ANYWAY, choosing partners primarily based on their physical attributes cheapens love and romance in my opinion, but we all have different priorities, I suppose. I’m very choosy in other ways.

Some people are going to care more about looks than others. It would be more of a problem if we all liked the same thing.