To all Aspie men who are angry with women.

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I'll admit, you've got the gist of the natural selection idea - it is kinda nazi'esque, however its BOTH sexes that do this and its unfortunately no one's fault; this world just sucks like that for all involved.

If you met a girl who was way overweight, unattractive, etc. you definitely wouldn't feel you owed it to her to front a s--ty attitude (unless you were some Abercrombie social elitist; which I really doubt you are). On the social and platonic basis you'd probably as nice to her as anyone else and take her for her merits as a person, however when it comes to attraction; you could like her as a person but you'd likely have a very hard time getting your head around physical intimacy with her.

Its one of those things I think people have a hard time believing until they've actually been there and especially if they've had to turn away people they weren't attracted to; it really sucks doing that
and you especially find yourself looking in the mirror wondering what the heck your problem is when she was someone you really liked as a person. On one end it sucks because you realize your part of the problem and you really can't fix yourself, on the other end you don't take the idea of rejection as badly because - unless they're blatantly nasty toward you which, pff...thank god you did me the favor and showed your true colors up front, you realize its just as much something they can't help either and its really no personal diss to you.

Mind you, this can happen just as easily with people who are traditionally attractive; I know in the past there have been girls who liked me, did lots of things to show me, and while its a cheesy analogy at the lack of better communication they were 8'ish out of 10 - it came down to how comfortable I was with them and sometimes they had these sorts of personalities where as much as we liked eachother on the superficial level as people I got this bad resonance from them like they really weren't understanding me and like things would have gotten toxic - beyond them and beyond me, they wouldn't mean it or know how to fix it - if they saw the deeper parts of me past what they were piecing together as their projection of me.

That's why, aside from physical attraction, the other matter of it is being on a like wavelength - they have to be capable of seeing the best in you and the more intelligent you are the fewer people you'll find who's personalities and realities actually coincide with yours and how you feel life; they're still out there however it can feel like an almost impossible challenge. So, don't hate the people, just hate the red tape naturally built into what we are as human beings.

How important are looks... really? If I found someone who was positively perfect for me... but physical attraction... not there so much. I would definitely keep the relationship.

To me, the physical side of things is what can grow and change... but not the attraction to their base personality. The more I am with someone, the more physically attractive they are to me. Honestly, there has to be a small amount of physical attraction to start out with... but I find that if I am truly attracted to her as a person... the physical part just comes naturally.

I mean to be completely frank, if I was married to someone who's looks went down hill... but personality wise still great... I would have no problems having my um... urges being satisfied.

If I were to complain about anything... it's the modern, ultra-flirty, seduction approach to finding a relationship that is the problem. I think the expectations of men and women is on what feels good right now, and not on what will last. I also believe these expectations have been a part of the culture so long, most people confuse flirty-feel good feelings with the real connections that need to be in a relationship.

Pugly, I guess it all depends on how your internal structure works - some people have more degrees of freedom than others and to be quite honest they should consider themselves very lucky.

Looks tend to be something that's a minimum - mind you it can get someone in the door but it won't keep them in the room. Everyone has a different threshold level though and many people also have certain alternative things they find attractive that many people wouldn't; which is great because it helps people find ways to kinda cut through that static.

Your right though, personality means the most but at the same time if you can't feel physical attraction and your unsure if you could ever create it your taking a big risk on this specific end; you'd be taking up a lot of her time and energy, giving her weird signals, and really breaking her heart a lot more if you couldn't find it in yourself to be attracted just because you guys grew together a lot more, got a lot more attached, there would probably be harder feelings from her friends like you really screwed her over, and especially if you like someone and respect them you don't want to drag them through the mud like that.

That minimum is the key I think... past a certain point... it would be very difficult... if impossible to have a relationship. It varies greatly between people too. My minimum is obviously pretty low... but my personality minimum is fairly high.

Which makes me lucky I guess...

But I start to wonder how much apprehension people have about going with someone who isn't super attractive... is more a social thing than what they actually want. I can hear women and men saying things like "what would people say if I was with him/her." Treating dates and relationships as a fashion accessory. Molding attraction into a group social construct... and not exactly about what the individual finds attractive.

Unfortunately, do to how culture works, that will easily go on in the back of someone's mind whether they want it to or not. I think also when you have looks you can easily end up having your standards hijacked by them at least a little just because your expectations ever since you were a kid had been built a certain way and if you do find yourself with someone who you can barely be attracted to you're really going to think wow, this wasn't the way I imagined things turning out - very tough thought process to shut down especially when you realize there's truth in it.

I think in a sense if I went toward a 5 it would be in the sense that she is traditionally cute, is feminine, but has a ghetto-twang to her genetic appearance; that I could do. That's just it though, when it heads into that territory there has to be something novel about them that intensifies your ability to be attracted to them and most often that's the combination of what they look like mixed in with the flow of them, their personality, and how it all comes together on the whole. Yeah, coming from an aspie guy who's just now getting his exterior persona up to specs it feels real hypocritical to say that - I can't stand it, but things just work a certain way.

Fair enough.


You're being asked out? Just catching a break to eat, no need to meet his parents yet. I see what you mean though, totally unreasonable. Let me rephrase that: 'have you any money for drinks?'


Fair enough. I would probably aim for the less traditional but not discount those that are more traditional altogether. I'm getting just a little more used to life’s contradictions and that is not a joke.


Does he grow his own? Plastic flowers have a good innings but personally, I would go for edible flowers as a garnish.


True, a good idea is to order something really expensive, pretend you’re ill then leave before the bill arrives. I was going to say from food poisoning but then the date might get off scot free. Romance is alive and well.

Hehehe, that's ruthless. She'd really have to be a magnificent piece of work for me to want to do that, then again I can't really think of the last time I dated someone who I felt that way about.

haha nice one !

Oh pugly , It's obvious that Alicorn was being sarcastic about the jews quote , he 's just trying to prove how wrong Ariddar's logic is .

Actually she's not disputing that at all, just point out that its no-fault and not deliberate by guys or girls so you can't hold the opposite sex in contempt over it.

Sarcasm or not, the comparison has no ground in reality.

Yes naturally

Another idea is to dine alfresco ('in the fresh air'). Put table and chairs in the middle of a busy roundabout then get pizza delivered.

I actually once saw a white stretch Cadillac with bridal ribbons pull up outside a Mc Donald's Restaurant. The passenger door opened (obviously the driver wasn't for opening), A guy got out, then I saw these 5-7" white stiletto heals on legs with a white miniskirt stick out of the door. She waited there for a second then she dangled her arms out and shouted something like 'Oy, are you going to pull me out or wha!?!'. They then went into Mc Donald's to dine.

Depends what time of day it was, if they'd already been drinking all day and were half in the bag (yes, this happens a LOT in bridal parties - can vouch for this) cheap greasy food really tends to hit the spot. I remember when we were setting up for the reception at my buddy's wedding, we had none other than - a bag of like 15 cheeseburgers that we passed out as a pre-game snack.

I don't hate women, I just feel that i will never gert anywhere as anyhting other than a friend. Funny thing is, this seems to bother me less and less as time goes on.

I think a lot of you are taking my statements; such as the broad analogy involving the overweight woman and the supermodel; in literal terms.

That was just an example; it was meant to demonstrate that you yourselves, at times, may reject and judge others.

In other words, that you would choose one woman over another.

Just as a woman may choose another man over you.

I have personally noticed that most of the relationships and marriages that work locally are the one where the man has been "domesticated."

Is that the point of your educating us here?

It's amazing you manage to type, considering the size and weight of that chip on your shoulder.



Why don't you first explain the "point of your educating us" about how we have no "right" to get flowers?