Alpha females

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what if she changed her mind 5 years later and decided she wanted a career? would you support her because you love her, or would you leave her because she no longer fit your ideal? i've seen lots of homemakers become career women once their kids grow up, so it is not an unusual situation at all.

I believe it's possible for modest women to be treated with dignity and honor, not that I'm nostalgic or anachronistic.


In these litigious times, marital duties would be expressly agreed to, by both parties, in a signed, mutually-binding, prenuptial agreement, also called a covenant in the Christian community.

Now you've got me curious - what is, in your opinion, a modest woman?

Would you mind me asking if you're married and how old are you?

There are other things I'd like to ask if you're willing to discuss this further.

which is exactly what i said would happen - you would be threatening her with divorce if she does not continue to submit to your demands... it would indeed be entrapment and domination and nothing like a true partnership.

successful marriages based on positions of equality permit the members to change and grow according to their own evolving selves. your potentital wife would be her own individual person and deserves to have happiness outside of serving your old-fashioned expectations.

Pardon me. I was receiving a package.

Respectfully, I'm speaking according to the dictionary definition.




I don't mind. I'm 32, single, and considered approachable.


What would you like to ask?


As I said, there are communities, which cater to every interest. No intimidation is necessary.

I don't personally believe in divorce, although I can see why separation would be a physical necessity, at times.


I believe that we are both equally accountable to our respective roles and able to grow within them.

ah, i see. i had mistakenly thought that you were in a successful marriage of some kind. you can argue about what your ideal marriage would be, but until you are actually married, the argument is moot.

And this is why I never want to get married. Too much of this crap.

It always has been very hard for me to understand why do people impose such narrow stereotypes on each other - in this case, the heartless, home indifferent professional woman and the bland, submissive house-wife (the exaggerations are only meant to illustrate the point)

I've encountered this problem so many times when I was still dating, that even now I think my husband is very unusual in his approach.

I'm an excellent cook and an adventurous one - it's one of my pleasures. I also take great care of my home because that's important to me - I've always seen my home as a refuge, an oasis where balance and beauty (+cleanness of course) are prerequisite. I do everything myself because I have very high standards and discovered pretty quickly that's the easiest way to get things done. So I do small repairs and maintenance, refurbishments and restoration work and I like doing it. But I doubt I would enjoy any of these things if they were imposed or demanded from me.

Of course, plenty of guys appreciated it (although some had issues with the "handy-man" work I do), but they were completely put off by the fact that I'm highly educated and independent.

I'm not sure if I dress "modestly" or not. I can't stand "sluttish" clothing and I show very little skin, but my clothes are well fitting and tailored and I always chose high quality and classic/elegant things.

Otherwise, most of my constant/important interests and preoccupations are intellectual in nature and quite niche and I never wanted a partner who couldn't follow me in this direction. Those who did often showed surprise both towards my "domestic" and "masculine" interests - sure, they also appreciated the cooking and the rest, but if a man says stuff like "You don't look like a woman who can cook/sew or get her hands dirty" I'll think he's a patronising arse and lose respect for him.

I realised while writing this how little I actually use the physical freedom my husband gives me. I'm not a "party animal", I prefer to go out just with him or a few very close friends and these are quiet, relaxed evenings with a glass of good wine and assorted conversation. Either than that, I much prefer to stay home and read or pursue other interests or spend time in nature - even a harem master couldn't complain . But I work. After being driven into despair by office/corporatist jobs, I've managed to become a freelancer and I work from home. So I choose my hours and my work and although I make less money than I did working for the big companies, I still do well for myself and I'm not financially dependent on anyone. And my independence of thought and decision is crucial to me. I've paid from an early age for the mistakes and bad choices others did for me, so I've learned this lesson very well. In the end, we're all responsible for our life and what we make of it, we all live with the consequences of our choices, so it's better to make your own mistakes and learn from them then allow someone to control/manipulate/influence you and end up paying for their mistakes.

So I guess my question was why are people pushing such narrow expectations on themselves and others, though limiting their potential and options and condemning themselves (and others) to a linear, truncated existence?

Sallamandrina, mad props actually - it sounds like you have a lot more balance than most people do. The challenge is, I think for anyone who does have that, finding people who can keep up with them. I'm still looking .

Thanks tech and good luck. I genuinely believe people could be a lot more if they would just give themselves the chance.

I would like to think that I can learn from the mistakes and successes of other people, and that I can see recurring patterns.

FWIW, you never specifically describe your definition of success in marriage, except to imply that you would be noncommittal and unaccountable.

You are someone who doesn't know what you want. So, making you happy is a no-win situation.

There's no legitimate reason to get a certificate for this.

I'm sure that, if you had some particular interests, if you had any sort of terms, besides not being painted into a corner, you could find someone to share them with.


As a man, I have chosen to be self employed for many of the same reasons, you mention.

Based on your own experience, I'm sure you can acknowledge that professional women are not in any way unemotional and will require considerable amounts of household resources to be maintained outside of the home.

Also, eager submissiveness is not at all bland, when it's unforced. Further on, you will go on to say that even a harem master would not be disappointed in you.


I think that a man, secure in his masculinity, can be very lax, as long as you don't step on his toes. If I'm chauvinistic, it's because I appreciate decorum. But, men without class won't be tactful enough to treat you like a lady.


Again, I'm only interested in consensual role play, as I would like to be appreciated, too.


I believe that industriousness is a valuable quality to have in a wife, but that you shouldn't have to perform heavier work.

I know how to cook and sew, with some panache, but it wouldn't be right for me to do these things while you were separating your knuckles.


It sounds like your clothes are more ladylike than most, and I would appreciate that you were conscious of your appearance.


You sound like you have a lot of flexibility to express yourself from home, and your husband is probably very lucky.

i've been married for 16 years, and with the same man for 20. i do know personally what can contribute to a successful marriage. although every marriage is different, successful marriages with truly happy participants have a lot in common.

i know exactly what i want and i am not at all noncommittal and unaccountable. your leaps of logic don't describe me in the least. i just really don't need to justify my successful marriage to someone who has a patriarchal idea of marriage but no experience to back it up.



i think that a man who is insecure in his masculinity will become chauvinistic. a man who is secure in his masculinity is not threatened by female power.

The only want, which you express, is the freedom to change your mind.


I don't know what you're trying to justify, yet.



The power to do what?

If you would just like to come and go, as you please, I don't see why it has to be made official.

That was a joke - I'm not submissive in any way, I'm just private. The key here is that I don't choose to live like that to please my husband - that's what I prefer myself.

I don't understand how a prenuptial agreement can protect you from bad decisions, once you accepted to let your partner make these decisions for you. The consequences I mentioned had nothing to do with money and I see it as very cynical to offer money in exchange of suffering.

A lot of men used to see me as defying, stubborn and unyielding. My husband doesn't because he never tried to force of pressure me into anything - his views, wants or needs. Sure, people can choose "eager submissiveness", but it usually stems from lack of confidence and often past trauma. If you don't go to the normal decision process, making choices and mistakes you can't continue learning and growing.



That should go both ways - every person, man or woman, should pursue fulfilment and inner development. If you're secure and have self respect you will be more tolerant of others and not feel the need to assert yourself over them.

I'm not sure what stepping on toes would be - if there's a problem, I speak up, although I'm always polite and civilised. But I won't hesitate to challenge anyone, regardless of gender.

Yes, I believe I'm talking about finding someone with shared preferences.


A prenuptial agreement is an explicit statement of what sorts of things you consent to, in advance. If you do not consent to a financial liability, that can be made clear, and you can be legally absolved.


Is he allowed to do anything he wants, too, or does he have to make sacrifices, in order to maintain the relationship?




I sometimes hesitate to challenge people, regardless of gender.

I believe that presenting a challenge for it's own sake is rude, regardless of what sort of language you are using.

But, I know that I have to be assertive, at times, when I am trying to maintain the peace.

It's not that I intend to be capricious or sadistic.

i am not justifying anything at all. i had been curious about why you would want a woman to be subject to you, but i am not curious anymore. you are presenting some boring patriarchal attitudes that aren't based on real-life experience, so your opinions are no longer interesting. goodbye.