How do you know if your standards are too high?

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If men put as much effort into their appearances as women do, there'd be as many beautiful men as beautiful women. The raw material is there.

The raw material should be enough. It shouldn't need enhancing, and that goes for both sexes.

For whom? "Should" is most often a meaningful word only when applied to oneself. At any other time, it becomes, well, toddler-esque.

therange's examples of women he finds to be "10s" are all examples of women with extremely laboriously-acquired appearances, for example. That's pretty common. In fact, very few people, male or female, finds a grossly undergroomed person attractive, no matter how lovely the raw material.

I didn't mean that people should look scruffy, but there is a sense in which you can 'overgroom' yourself to the point where your look is more artificial than natural. That is what I object to. For example, women who disguise their natural beauty with makeup and end up looking worse rather than better, or men who dress like people they really aren't.

Good question.

I'm not sure but if you have so many offers and less takes simply because they're not enough of what you want than maybe your expectations are too high.

But again this question is all in the perspective of that said person. If they're happy to be alone with high expectations then it's only a problem if they have a problem with it. I think where it crosses the line is when that person demands more out of the other. That is if that person who has high standards is already in a relationship then there is the imbalance of power between them both.

In short, if you can't change that person to be something they're not, might as well move on or stop complaining.

I am tired of people trying to convince me that having any standards whatsoever constitutes standards that are too high.

In other words, people think I should settle for whoever comes along.

I went back to get his examples:

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004963/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jane_Leeves
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patricia_Heaton

On-set of course actresses have "extremely laboriously-acquired appearances", but I'm not seeing how, off-set, they'd need to do anything special.

Like CC, I don't want makeup or a hairdo. I like the natural look. Basic clean. That seems like a reasonable thing for either gender to expect.

Laboriously-acquired appearances?

Oh, I heartily agree.

That sounds like a silly thing to tell you -- can you point me to where people said that? (I'm fairly new here.)

BTW, ladies, thanks for being patient with us guys. We only have enough blood supply for one head at a time, and whenever we think about women, the blood supply goes to the other head and we get a little stupid.

Ok, not a little. But you have to understand: That's a lot of blood!

To spell out what I was getting at with some of my earlier comments:

Most people like pretty people, including other pretty people. Anything along the lines of "I should be entitled to someone more attractive than I am," is going to get eye-rolling as a response, because hey, the pretty people would also like to be with people even prettier than they are.

If the above simply refers to the raw materials, there's also the matter of what you do with the raw materials:

Someone scrupulously clean clearly values scrupulous cleanliness and will probably want someone scrupulously clean.

Someone with careful grooming, such as an excellent haircut, carefully groomed hair, well-manicured hands, well-cared-for skin, clothes chosen to go well with the individual, and so on will almost certainly value a similar level of care in appearance in whomever they want to date.

If you want something in particular in a romantic partner, it's only reasonable to make it your business to offer the same in return. If you can't for some reason, that's perfectly ok, but it's also perfectly ok for the people you like to choose someone with that attribute instead of you, the same way you would.

I tend to be narcissistic in my selection. Skinny like me, lazy like me, nerdy like me. If I could clone myself and run the result through a sex change, I'd have the ideal mate.

In other words, I have low standards.

Hmm, that would work for me. I'm not sure my result would be my ideal mate, but I'd certainly be interested in them.

Yay for narcissism?

Well, I take your opinion with a grain of salt, HH. First, I have not seen a pic of you. You're a lot of talk without any follow through. Second, Sin, who I have seen and is quite pretty, has had nothing but good things to say about my pic and messaged me instead of broadcasting it to everyone else.

As for the women I like...there is nothing spectacular about Roz or Daphne...neither wear a lot of makeup on the show or fancy clothes. They both have understated beauty and even in their prime weren't in magazines.

Last edited by therange on 03 Nov 2009, 11:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I am referring to the fact that many of the guys on here complain about the so-called "nice guy syndrome", and that according to them, women are allowed to have their pick of partners, while the guys are not.