Do AS girls date AS guys?

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I dont really know any single aspie guys, in fact dont know many aspie guys full stop (except on this forum of course) - theres one guy i like who i think might be (i kind of nearly asked him out today but then didnt elaborate and chickened out but i think i will try again - just nervouse).

For me i dont like loud extroverted men - i find it a turn off. If i date someone what matters is if they share interests with me. Also that they like to talk for hours about intellectual stuff. aspies more likely to share this profile but its also typical amongst gifted population of which there are both NTs, Aspies and other non-NT types.

Fundamentally disagree here
Guys have to pursue a relationship. There is no other option. As a guy, if you wait for proposals you will die alone.

Apple basket example applies here.

well yes, but you have as many options as you choose to pursue. women can just as easily have no options if nobody chooses to pursue them. it does happen, you know.

I don't know what you mean by options? As a guy we have to pursue. There is no other way.
I disagree with the women part...they have the option of pursuing if they don't get proposed to. There's that second avenue if, for some strange reason, the first isn't happening...which I'll acknowledge that happens but incredibly bloody rare.

you don't actually know how rare it is or isn't for women to be dateless. the vast majority of the women in one of my aspie groups were single, and many had never been asked on a single date. i know many middle-aged women who have never dated.

most women who ask out men will get rejected, largely because it is not the culturally preferred way for men and women to pair up (in surveys BOTH men and women prefer for men to do the asking). also, they will often be rejected because if that particular man liked that particular woman, he would likely have asked already - because that's how our culture works. if he hasn't asked yet, it's usually because he isn't interested.

what i mean by men having as many options as they want is that they don't have a limit on how many women they ask out - their choices are endless. but in the same cultural model, women's choices are limited by who asks them out. if you are only asked out by men you don't like, too bad... whereas men can just go ask someone else if they don't get who they want. men have a buffet of choice.

i decided long ago that the whole thing is silly. i like having the option of choice. i do not like having the power of options taken away from me, so i decided for myself who i wanted to date. the only way i could do that was to approach people myself (or in some cases it was mutual. imagine that).

That's an assumption. There are loads of reasons why a guy won't ask a girl, even if he's interested. Number 1 reason is being burnt way too many times before. Like I've said before, if you repeatedly keep getting rejected, you'll eventually never bother to ask, because you'll instantly assume the answer will be no. Welcome to my world.



Which is luckily a good thing because every guy in the world will get rejected. Even Henry Cavill, Ryan Gosling, George Clooney got rejected. I doubt that the likes of Emma Stone, Zooey Deschanel or Helena Bonham Carter have ever been rejected by any guy or ever will get rejected. Women completely cannot understand the power of dating rejection. They simply don't understand how it feels.



But there's always avenue B.



I've never known any guy who got the girl he wanted first. He's always had to go for somebody else.

uhhhhh, do you not understand that women who wait for men to ask them out will not have the men they want asking them out? that is rejection, and it stings exactly the same way. i know, because i have been rejected both ways. and women who ask men out directly... get rejected directly.

so surprise!! !! every girl in the world knows how rejection feels too.

So what, you expect us to be mind-readers? Without directly asking us, we don't know who wants to be approached and who doesn't. It's like trying to read different types of paint. You're asking a guy to specifically want Egyptian Blue when all he can see is Blue, Blue, Blue. So the first girl he asks is Catalina blue, he's apparently rejecting Egyptian Blue? What a load of crap!



Having a different guy approach you is the same of being told you're not attractive and there's no hope of a relationship ever, is it? Really?

yes, if you are not attracted to that guy it is the same - the man who want to date has rejected you. if you don't care who you date and just don't want to be rejected, you could just ask every female you meet. there are some lonely women at the old age home, for example. oh, unless you are being picky?

(i don't expect anyone to read anyone else's mind. i don't use the strategy of waiting around)

Have to call this exactly what it is:
Total f*****g BS.
We are not mind readers. If you want a guy, tell him. Then he has the rare power of deciding.



You don't get how rejection works. Like I've said before, if you repeatedly keep getting rejected, you'll eventually never bother to ask, because you'll instantly assume the answer will be no.



I'm pretty sure those women can't reproduce. While they may have a nice character and personality, the long term aspects aren't so positive. I'm sure guy's sperm will last though, so why don't you ask those single women friends of yours to pop down to the old age home?

They change their preferences but they usually don't become less picky, many become even pickier and pickier because of all the options they encountered in life; only the lonely depressed women who are failing to attract anyone are the ones who usually become less picky, same for men.

It is a common myth that women become less picky with age.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 22 Jan 2013, 3:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I really agree with this, and I can identify. I never ask women out. I expect them to ask me out because I can't read body language regarding interest, flirting, etc. So I have a similar experience. I have gotten dates this way, but it's frustrating because I never get asked out by the women I want asking me out (I'm not even really that picky), just the ones who probably have fewer options than average. It is very irritating and one reason I have almost given up on dating after tons of unsatisfying experience of going out with people I'm just not really attracted to, or have serious issues like untreated bipolar, etc. that don't work well with my autism. So I think this is how women must feel in many cases - right?

you keep trying to "explain" rejection to me, completely ignoring the fact that i've been rejected, both by being ignored and directly when i have approached people. so don't bother with that - i already know it firsthand. you don't have some vast breadth of knowledge you could bestow upon me simply because you have different genitalia.

women can and DO show men that they like them, but that doesn't mean they won't be rejected, obviously. showing that they are interested and getting rejected at that point is... still rejection. i suppose you live in a magical land where men date every single woman who shows interest in them. that is not the case, however. even on this forum there are multiple thread referring to such "desperate" women. women who play hard to get are considered more highly coveted by many men. dunno why that is, but women who show interest will often put men off. go ahead and research it.. i already did.

and ok.... so the point of dating is just to reproduce? fair enough. well, if all people choose to be less picky about who they date, a whole world will open up to them, even if they restrict it to the childbearing years. that includes all men being less picky! because even people who complain of rejection on this forum have been often shown to have specific criteria, or at least hey are very picky. funny how that works.

yes, i think that is exactly it!

So what's the solution? Is it easier to get braver as you get older? I have a deep-seated fear of being called creepy even though it's never happened (at least to my face)?

Both of us were, apparently, worried about being judged, for different reasons, to ask people out we like. What did you do to overcome that?

Last edited by Tyri0n on 22 Jan 2013, 3:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

yeah, i have taken to calling myself creepy. i am pretty upfront about my creeperish tendencies, but that's a story for another day.

i think it might sometimes be easier to get braver because you have less to lose. people's opinions do not matter too much as you get older. but some people might disagree. i don't have any easy answers, sorry bout that. -_-