A quick story

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I am a loser. I would have killed myself if I could have worked up the courage. Medication has numbed me so all of my failure doesn't bother me as much, but I was obsessed with suicide for years. I am treating him as an equal. I don't lie to him about how rosey the future will be, instead trying to be pragmatic.

I don't know if I will stay on this board. I don't like e-drama, I had a really bad taste of it some time ago. But I felt so badly that I couldn't stop myself from expressing my misery to others. No one could help, most people were mean, but just that slight bit of attention gave me a tiny dose of hope. I would recommend MR20 stop posting.... He could end up as the next Chris-chan, or worse....

I'm not saying you have to keep responding to him either. Just don't turn against him when he doesn't change his attitude because you told him to.

fair enough, but don't judge me for how you are perceiving the situation if you aren't planning to stay and support him either. i've been here helping him for a while. once you have done the same, we can have this talk.

i am not lying to him either, so really we just need to agree to disagree on that part.

Okay

No hard feelings, I understand where you're coming from. I just relate to him so much I feel a bit protective.

I'm curious MR20, what exactly have you done to improve your situation in the past? How have you gone about achieving the things you crave (friends, a girlfriend etc etc).

Detestable - You see yourself in MR20 but the difference is you have improved your situation by at least getting medication, you've taken a step to improvement and hopefully making your life somewhat better. The problem people are having with MR20 is that he doesn't seem to even want things to change. If he really desperately wanted more from life then he would be listening to the advice given and taking steps to improve his situation even if it's something as simple as his issues with hygiene. If he took a bath once a week then that would be an improvement right? But he's not even attempting to do that and that is why people are frustrated.

"You can lead a horse to water but you can not make it drink"

See, you ASSUME he can take a bath because you can.

He knows he has bad hygiene. He writes about it incessantly. So why doesn't he simply wash himself? Because he cannot. You may not understand, but I myself have been so depressed I couldn't even put myself under running water.

He's not a masochist - he's sick.

Edit: Also my parents got me the medication. I was getting pretty bad, crying in public, staring at walls for hours..... I had a kind of panic attack and begged my mom for help. She set up everything for me, I didn't even speak to the doctors beyond "yes" and "no". Since then I've been to therapists and psychiatrists constantly, trying out new prescriptions every few months.

Well in my teens, I tried copying socially successful people I'd see on TV, in the street, and/or in school. I starting listening to gangsta rap, buying over-size plain tees and starting sagging. I also started mimicking their behavior.

I started being nicer, letting people in my house, letting folks borrow stuff. It didn't help. AT ALL. It was a mistake

People still made fun of the way I looked, talked, and acted. I hated most rap, and liked rock/jpop, but couldn't anyone know that because it would be "uncool" and "lame"

They made fun of my house and how torn down it was. They never returned stuff they borrowed. I rarely ever got to go inside their houses. You see the people saw me as easy prey; A lonely, mentally weak, slow, naive, stupid, and pathetic loser with no social skills. It was easy for them to take advantage of me.

Girls were even worse. Even if wore relatively in style clothes, it couldn't hide my ugliness, slowness, and stupidity. I was embarrassed and humiliated regularly whenever I tried to talk to a female. Do you know how it feels for someone to say that you look like a crack-addicted bum? Nevermind that fact that it isn't true, it's just the thought that someone would think that about you. Do I look that bad?

I feel even worse for my sister. She's developmental delayed, has had bedwetting problems ever since she was little, and has paranoid schizophrenia. She was also in special ed and is not attractive.

I dread her feeling the way I do. She has no friends and have never dated.

She's only a year younger than me. See the thing is though, that stuff doesn't seem to get to her. (or she knows how to hide it very well)

In her world, she seems pretty content with video games and her cartoons. It's like she doesn't care about anything else.

I almost envy her for that.

Because whether or not one is "attractive" doesn't matter in evolutionary terms. With humans, it matters even less.

The only thing that matters is one passes on their genes. When you can demonstrate that ONLY "super-sexy rich people" produce children, or get married, or have relationships, I'll take you more seriously.

A man can be attracted to Megan Fox, but I highly doubt the mother of his children looks anything like Megan Fox. "Attraction" doesn't matter as much as you seem to think.

Some people are destined to never get laid; however, it doesn't have anything to do with being an "omega," or with "natural selection."

Because we can't actually compare humans to "animals." There are billions of species of "animals" with highly varied mating strategies.

If we're going to compare something as specific as mating strategies, we should at least make an effort to be accurate, no?



I didn't say anything of the sort.



And I was arguing mine. Now, we're clear.

Obviously you have strong feelings on this, but I don't for the life of me know why.

I believe in determinism, that is everything happens according to cause and effect - including human behavior, meaning there is no free-will. If a man is born wired to be meek and submissive, basically the opposite of the qualities most women value, how is that not "natural selection" when he is unable to find a mate?

People mate with ugly, unsuccessful people because of desperation, not because they are above base instincts. After all, mating with someone with undesirable qualities at least assures one more generation of your lineage. But eventually you end up scraping the bottom of the barrel, and the attraction is so weak a sexual relationship is not even worth pursuing.

How does any of this contradict the basic natural instincts of sexual selection? Why do you believe humans are so different from other animals?

{Edit] Do you not believe in evolution? I can't figure out why you wouldn't believe in human sexual selection otherwise.... Even then it is a stretch. I dunno....

Ok Hyperlexian, let's go over your bogus list of good "qualities" that you posted in another thread about a month ago.

Yeah most people lists this as an attractive trait on every online dating site.



I don't believe you, I just simply refuse to believe I'm good looking at any stretch




I don't take care of anyone, I can barely take care of myself. Hell Jeffery Dahmer had family members he cared about. What I guess I'm trying to say is I don't think women look at "being thoughtful" (IE nice) as a reason to date someone. Not really a special quality.




I just read the definition of this word; basically it means being able to bounce back, get over, and adapt to adverse situations in life. Obviously that doesn't describe me at all. If anything I may be the complete opposite. My coping skills are horrible. Just taking a look at my life and you'll know adapting is something I don't do very well. Getting over stuff that's happened to me in the past is something that's very hard for me to do as well.




Don't really know how to respond to this one. I think is one pretty insignificant as well (as a reason for dating someone) I would feel a lot better about myself and have a lot less frustration if I DID retaliate every once in a while when people are mean to me.


So half of the reasons weren't really true about me and other few didn't matter.


So I challenge anyone (doesn't have to be Hyper) to list reasons why I should feel good about myself, and why anyone would want to be friends or go out with me.

You'd be surprised how many people pay attention to this. Because people can't see you or hear you online, their only idea of you, your eloquence or even your intelligence is through your writing.

iF U tYpe Lik3 tHis, if you make 2314543534 spelling and grammar mistakes, if you don't know how to use comma or a full stop, that counts against you and it makes a horrible impression.

In my opinion MR20 a big mistake you made was not being yourself, you don't like rap music so why pretend you do? To attract attention and companionship from others who are into that sort of thing but they are not your sort of people so it was destined to pan out the way it did. Ultimately from what you've told me you've been trying to get along with people who are jerks, who have nothing in common with you and who from what you've said are very shallow and use people. Unfortunately the world has a large proportion of people like that, but it also has some genuinely nice people who would want to be your friend and would be interested in anime and video games but like has been mentioned a few times personal hygiene can create a barrier.

Lets look at it from a different perspective, say there is a girl who is into anime and video games, she finds you attractive (I've looked at your photo and your not ugly whether you believe it or not is a different matter) anyway she gets chatting to you online, you get on great, you arrange to meet up. Lets say hypothetically by now your hygenie has improved, you decide to meet at a coffee shop.

You walk in, she's sat to the side, near the window (so she can see you coming), it's pretty quiet in there, the only other people are over the other side of the shop occasionally coughing and glancing her way, is that disgust on their faces? Anyway as you walk over you realise she is just as pretty as her photos perhaps even more so, except her clothes are quite creased and..oh is that a few stains, oh well. You get closer, she smiles at you and you notice a funky smell....hmmm are the toilets in this place backed up?

You get even closer she stands up and reaches her arms out to hug you, you move into her arms and that's when you realise the rank smell is coming from her. Now would you still want to be intimate with her? Or would you rather she'd have washed and put some clean clothes on? You still like the person she is, you get on great and you sit and chat to her but that smell is really really bad, so bad you feel a little sick. Your trying to smile and forget about it but the nauseous waves washing over you because of the smell are making it very difficult to interact with her, you need fresh air before you puke,you make your excuses and rush out, taking in the sweet fresh air with eager gulps.

You feel like a jerk but you just can't sit and be swamped by that awful smell any longer so you go back in and tell her you have to go, she takes it as yet another rejection and is devastated. You feel awful because you can't stand being around her because of that smell, she's so perfect for you if it wasn't for that stench who knows what could have happened. You try emailing her later on asking how she is did she get home okay etc but she doesn't answer, she's curled up on her bed sobbing her heart out because she's been rejected yet again, she thought this really was it someone who accepted her for who she is. When she does reply to your email it's demanding an explanation, how do you delicately tell her she smells like a public toilet? Do you tell the truth and hurt her even more or do you lie and say you had things to do or felt unwell etc? Maybe things can be patched up but then what about when you meet next time? Ultimately her hygiene would have to be addressed.

Now...what if that same situation happened but she HAD taken a bath(or regularly bathed) and put on some clean clothes perhaps some perfume too. When you hug her she smells amazing, a soft feminine scent that makes you breathe in a little harder just so you can smell it more. You both pull away sit down and begin chatting, you can concentrate completely on what is going on because that awful smell isn't there. You have a great time, she's just as lovely in real life as online, your really really happy at that moment and she is too. Do you see my point about hygenie now?

But....hygenie can be addressed later, social interaction is the thing you need now right? So the people in your area from your experience are not very nice people, so extend your search. Start signing up to forums relating to your hobbies, if there is a specific video game you like I'm sure there will be a forum for it, sign up get talking, don't be negative, just talk about the game and I'm sure you'll start having nice conversations with people and all the things you think are issues (your looks, your intelligence, charisma, wealth etc) will be irrelavent because the focus of that forum is the game, it's not a dating site or a friend site. It's a bunch of people who love that game, talking about how awesome it is.

I think focusing on the hobbies that make you happy is a good thing, you can expand that into social situations, even if it's just online, better to have people to chat to online then nobody at all right? And from what I've witnessed on other forums people end up getting close and meeting up in real life, some even end up as a couple. Have you ever thought of going to a cosplay event? There are always forums for that, people discussing costumes to make, creating little groups to go with (for example you may get some people really into bleach and a dozen or so are going to go dressed as various characters and hang out). You could interact online with those sorts of people, people who are just as passionate about your hobbies as you are.

I truly hope you can do something to get yourself out of this, nobody else can or is going to help you other then offering advice so you have to do it by and for yourself.

^ This is very true. Your writing comes across as someone who is at least average intelligence, when I see people using text speak it automatically creates an image of (in the words of my hometown) a "scally" - an uneducated moron who has no concept of the english language who is more then likely dressed in a tracksuit and sees petty crime and drug/alcohol abuse as a normal part of life...but that's my skewed perspective based on the area I was brought up in and my parents strict insistence that I did not end up like my peers.

My house is torn down and filthy, and we lack the means to fix it up. Even if I do take baths/shower, I still have the smell from my house to deal with. It's not like I can mask it with cologne. It's been that way since I was a teen.

I live in a very bad neighborhood in a very bad part of town in a relative poor city/state. Even if they were conventions near me, (which I doubt) I lack money and the transportation to get to one.

I also don't have nearly the amount of money needed to create a cosplay costume and meet up with people from different states/cities. (if I had the courage to do that)

I've gone to cons with no cosplay. Wearing an Echo hoodie in fact.

As far as transportation, before cons on forums, lots of people offer rides, usually you gotta chip in 10-20 bucks for gas and yeah. As far as the courage for meeting up with people, most cons have a messageboard, you can post there, and see if you can get to know the people who go on the board before the con, and yeah...

I know when things are bad, advice is like, hard. It's the sorta like "pull yourself up by the bootstraps and be extreme!!11" I kinda hate when people give me that sorta advice, as I'm smart enough to know it already. But, you know, if you're interested in a con, that'd be where you can start.

I'd not start with a con, though, just find your closest college and see if there's an anime or video game club at the college, no cosplay there, just watch anime and play games. Me personally, I started to find said crowds really annoying. All social groups are essentially the same, I've found out. So now I've started to do "cool" but solitary activities, it seems I'm too cool to be a nerd nowadays, but I'm not cool enough to go to dance clubs and s**t yet. Oh well. I also find that social group encouraging of weakness and mediocrity, never wanting to better themselves ever by say, exercising, cuz that'd be for jocks! Still, you'd do better there than with the boys in the hood in the streetz uh compton yo.

You still missed my point. Typing well is NOT a reason for dating someone. What woman you know puts "can type pretty decently" the top of their lists when it comes to what they want in a man?

How is this going to help things if by the off chance a female wants to video chat with me or something? I won't be able to hide my slowness, stupidity, stuttering, mush-mouth, and southern-illiterate-drawl behind a keyboard anymore.