The reason why LJBF hurts

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Roman
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03 May 2012, 2:01 am

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:

Roman wrote:

spongy wrote:

A quick google search for "a guy friend zoned me" gives back over 35.000.000 results which goes to show how "rare" this situation is.

That only emphasizes my concern further. So these other guys get female attention that they don't even want, while I am sitting here desperately wanting "something" and not getting anything at all. This proves that I have low social status. And that low status is precisely why I can't be friends with someone LJBF-ing me since that only brings me down further.

They have a toy, they don't even play with it right and I want it, it's not fair! That toy is disrespecting me by not being mine.

I never said women are toys, you attributed it to me. I am also resentful of the fact that I can't get postdoc positions in physics easily and that I am being "judged" by my reputation. In this case, most physics professors are male, but that doesn't change the fact that I resent the situation just the same. The point is that when I am put on an inferior status that hurts, and I can't be friends with someone who hurts me. So if you take a MALE professor who turned me down on job application I won't be friends with him either; and not wanting to be friends with females who refused to date me is exactly the same.

edgewaters
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03 May 2012, 2:04 am

ValentineWiggin wrote:

Of course, you're really drawing a false dichotomy- there are far more options for one's friend pool than "exact copies" and extremely different.

I didn't draw that dichotomy either. I was just making the point that your friends aren't carbon copies of one another. You accept difference. How much difference is, I think you will agree, a matter of personal preference.

Which makes it subjective and internal, rather than objective and external.

Roman
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03 May 2012, 2:09 am

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:

The fact that you see friendship as the proverbial "worst seat in the house" says a lot about what you value in women.

Again, you are attributing to me something I never said. As I said in the original post (which is probably what you are alluding to with "worst seat") if I had to be around people who serve food first to more respectful individuals and I was continuously being served last, I won't want to be friends with them. Now, does this imply that the cooking skills is the only thing I value in those people? No. These people can be great scientists, engineers, etc, and I might have lots of things in common with them. But still, repeatedly being reminded of my low status (by having food served last) would basically make me not want to be around them. Same with the girl. I know females have a lot more value than just sex. But if either sex or anything else is used to remind me of low status, then I would rather not be in the situation that makes me feel bad.

edgewaters
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03 May 2012, 2:38 am

Roman wrote:

So. Are the women supposed to be the food, like a product to which you are entitled? Or are they the servers in this analogy, people who have a duty to provide you with a service?

Roman
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03 May 2012, 2:45 am

edgewaters wrote:

Roman wrote:

So. Are the women supposed to be the food, like a product to which you are entitled? Or are they the servers in this analogy, people who have a duty to provide you with a service?

No. In that analogy I was comparing women to people who SERVE food, not food itself. And people who SERVE food have a lot more going on in their life than just serving food. Yet being served last can majorly piss me off.

When I was little, back in Russia, my family was serving food first to older people and then to younger. And that was one of the major things I kept being angry about. But my family was not "just" a service. I just don't like to have low status thats all.

edgewaters
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03 May 2012, 2:54 am

Roman wrote:

Right, but they have a duty to provide you with something. Women don't. Just like you don't have any duty to have sex with some girl you find unattractive.

Jono
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03 May 2012, 2:56 am

edgewaters wrote:

Does anyone ever owe anyone else a sexual relationship? If you're going to put a duty on others, in this case a duty for unattached people to take care of random other people's sexual needs, then to be fair, you have to put it on yourself as well. As well as everyone else (including, for instance, your mom). Me, I don't see women either individually or collectively having any duty to provide me with sex, ever. Just as I don't recognize any duty to provide it either. It's all a matter of individual choice, and I'm kind of attached to my own right of free choice, and, if I am fair, I have to recognize it for everyone else, too. The right that I see for myself is that I get to choose who I'm willing to have sex with without being obligated to explain my choices, so that's the right I recognize for others.

Why does being rejected romantically have to be about not getting sex? Is a girlfriend only there for sex? No one has even mentioned sex before you did. That's what I was talking about earlier when I mentioned earlier that people make assumptions about you, if you reveal later that wanted to be more than just friends.

Roman
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03 May 2012, 3:10 am

edgewaters wrote:

Roman wrote:

Right, but they have a duty to provide you with something. Women don't. Just like you don't have any duty to have sex with some girl you find unattractive.

Even if they have duty to give food, they don't have a duty to give it to anyone ''first''. So, even if they give me food last, they still fulfilled their duty (after all, they physically can't give it to everyone at the same exact moment so someone is bound to get it last). BUT if I am CONSISTENTLY getting the food last, and ALSO if it CONSISTENTLY happens that people with lower social status get it last, the combination of these two patterns would piss me off. And again, this would happen DESPITE the fact that everyone fulfilled their duty. Similarly in case of women. It CONSISTENTLY happens that guys with higher social status can find girlfriends more easily and it also CONSISTENTLY happens that I have hard time finding any. Again, the combination of these two patterns puts me down.

hyperlexian
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03 May 2012, 3:13 am

Roman wrote:

edgewaters wrote:

Roman wrote:

So. Are the women supposed to be the food, like a product to which you are entitled? Or are they the servers in this analogy, people who have a duty to provide you with a service?

being chosen as a friend is not "being served last", it's "being served at another table altogether"

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Roman
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03 May 2012, 3:24 am

hyperlexian wrote:

Roman wrote:

edgewaters wrote:

Roman wrote:

So. Are the women supposed to be the food, like a product to which you are entitled? Or are they the servers in this analogy, people who have a duty to provide you with a service?

being chosen as a friend is not "being served last", it's "being served at another table altogether"

Well, and if it happens that people on one of the two tables have on average higher status then on the other one, that would make me feel bad.

One of my theories is that one table is for "macho guys" and the other is for people that can provide emotional support. Both are genuine -- in fact emotional support is more important than someone macho. But still I don't like when "the point is made" regarding my "not being" macho. Now if you ask me my honest opinion about myself, then no I don't think I am macho, and besides I think that pressure for men to be macho or for women to be models is shallow. But still, if there are two tables with a sign "macho guys sit here, everyone else sit there" that would just piss me off.

hyperlexian
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03 May 2012, 3:26 am

Roman wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

Roman wrote:

edgewaters wrote:

Roman wrote:

So. Are the women supposed to be the food, like a product to which you are entitled? Or are they the servers in this analogy, people who have a duty to provide you with a service?

being chosen as a friend is not "being served last", it's "being served at another table altogether"

the way you see status is not the way other people see status, so when you are served at another table it is not status-related. status has very little to do with most people's dating experiences.

ditto for machismo. men of all sorts date women, not just the macho men.

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edgewaters
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03 May 2012, 4:16 am

Roman wrote:

Even if they have duty to give food, they don't have a duty to give it to anyone ''first''. So, even if they give me food last, they still fulfilled their duty

You're not getting it, women don't have a duty to give you sex, not first, not last, not at all. They don't owe you anything.

Quote:

It CONSISTENTLY happens that guys with higher social status can find girlfriends more easily and it also CONSISTENTLY happens that I have hard time finding any.

And yet, there are women with the exact same complaint.

The_Face_of_Boo
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03 May 2012, 4:49 am

Well LJBF hurts because anything huge penetrated in the ass for long would eventually hurt, hence why Let's Just Butt-Fuck isn't recommended.

Kurgan
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03 May 2012, 6:33 am

hyperlexian wrote:

Kurgan wrote:

Ancalagon wrote:

KenM wrote:

For me, the reason LJBF hurts is 95% of the time someone said that to me, they did not really mean it. They said it to let me down easy. This hurt me more because they were not honest.

LJBF is a canned phrase meaning "No thank you". It isn't meant literally any more than the answer to the question "What's up?" is "The sky".

Saying "let's just be friends" if you don't want to be friends, can be compared to when parents tell their seven year old son that Derp the rabbit went to live on a farm or is on a ski resort for bunnies, when he was actually eaten by Al, the neighbor cat.

but if someone intends to share an emotional exchange with you, they DO want to be friends.

somehow, in this thread you have said that:

1. when women say LJBF they DON'T want to be friends
2. when women say LJBF they want to rely on you emotionally, as friends DO

you can't have it both ways, as the two situations are mutually exclusive. it's almost like you are manipulating your statements to paint women in a negative light, even when it makes no logical sense.

If they just dump their problems onto me, without ever talking about interests or want to hang out, they're not interested in my friendship. I'm not painting all women in a bad light, but I paint manipulative women in a bad light.

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03 May 2012, 6:35 am

edgewaters wrote:

Roman wrote:

Even if they have duty to give food, they don't have a duty to give it to anyone ''first''. So, even if they give me food last, they still fulfilled their duty

You're not getting it, women don't have a duty to give you sex, not first, not last, not at all. They don't owe you anything.

Quote:

It CONSISTENTLY happens that guys with higher social status can find girlfriends more easily and it also CONSISTENTLY happens that I have hard time finding any.

And yet, there are women with the exact same complaint.

He doesn't owe them any emotional support either.

edgewaters
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03 May 2012, 6:59 am

Kurgan wrote:

edgewaters wrote:

Roman wrote:

Even if they have duty to give food, they don't have a duty to give it to anyone ''first''. So, even if they give me food last, they still fulfilled their duty

You're not getting it, women don't have a duty to give you sex, not first, not last, not at all. They don't owe you anything.

Quote:

It CONSISTENTLY happens that guys with higher social status can find girlfriends more easily and it also CONSISTENTLY happens that I have hard time finding any.

And yet, there are women with the exact same complaint.

He doesn't owe them any emotional support either.

Non-sequitur; nobody claimed he did.

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